I have known one of my BM's for my entire life - our moms and dads are friends, etc. Throughout our life, we have been close at some times and then not as close at others. The past 3 years that I have lived in NY (she is in central jersey), we have not been close at all.
She got married in March and I was a BM, she is a BM in my wedding (although I did tell her it was up to her cuz I didn't want any drama).
Anyways, she was married in March and did not send THank you Notes. And I am furious. I know I should just say whatever, nothing I can do, but for some reason this really really bothers me. It seems like she thinks she is entitled to the money because her and her husband paid for the wedding (there was an episode at the wedding that makes me think this). So its like she thinks everyone there owed it to her, so she doesn't have to send a thank you.
Do you think I should try to slip it into conversation like Oh, I just got a thank you card from another friend and its nice - did you send yours? etc. Or just let it go?
I think its unfair she gets away with not doing it. SOOOOOO RUDE!
BunnyBears
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
it is rude for anyone not just this girl regardless of the reason or how close you are to her. since she is your bridesmaid next time u talk to her, ask her opinion on YOUR thank yous, since u might be planning on purchasing them soon. play dumb- ask her should they match the wedding theme or color or what? and then say, hey what did you do-I don't remember? see what she says but do not be mean about it -she honestly may not realize she is supposed to. maybe she did for the shower gifts but not monetary? some people just do not know! then tell her gently! and maybe she'll say something ridiculous about people oweing her and not wanting to give thanks- i am sure she has other qualities that are positive, with with her parents and your parents being friends, just smile and keep her in the bp-no need for drama. and afterwards, demonstrate a proper way to thank someone by sending her a nice thank you. when having the 'thank yous' conversation do not at any time let her know that you judge her or she will see your later thank you as a dig. hope this makes sense. good luck
Tori9299
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
Well I have to say that my brother's wife has a sister we went to her wedding in July 2006 and she still never sent out Thank you cards. So while my brother was taking pictures and the BP was all together, I made sure I slipped it in, and all I said was 'did you get you professional pics back? Did you do those thank you pictures, she was like yeah well I would no you never sent me a thank you'! She said she still has not sent them all out, please how could you not send them out still. So anyway, if I didn't send a Thank you I would of went home that night and sent it. Feeling like crap, but still no thank you in the mail not even to my parents that also went to the wedding. Her sister (my brother's wife) still has not sent out her shower thank you's and her wedding was in Sept. so who knows when anyone will get a thank you. When we had our e-party last March the nest weekend my TY's went out, do you even thin with that they would of been wow she really on top of things let me get things going. So I have learned my lesson I will not be sending any more gifts, to members in that family.
Papillon25
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
Yeah, that's totally how I feel - like don't ask me to buy you a baby gift when you have your first kid!!!
I guess I am mad since I will have my shower and wedding soon and I know that I will be home for a few weekends just writing the notes, and this girl didn't do it. Just sooooooo unfair.
I will have to get over it, I just can't imagine how people wouldn't send a note after receiving thousands of dollars for your wedding!
I mean, do these people wait to cash the checks?!!! Nope, that cleared the monday after the wedding. GRRRRRRRR.
Tori9299
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
Yeah that her baby shower is the the first weekend in Dec ( so I've heard invites are still not sent out) That's nothing new. I'm not going of course I have 2 other showers and I got the invites 2-3 weeks ago. And I am not going to send a gift since they don't care if I give one or not. I would feel HORRIBLE if I didn't send a TY. I don't know what people could be thinking sometimes. And what really makes me so made is that I gave a good gift, if I would have known I wouldn't of been so kind.
lkdrnw
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
I have the same problem--luckily none of the people are my BM's----I have been to so many weddings and bridal showers of friends of FH and not once have we ever gotten a thank you---I think it is completely rude. I mentioned it to FH and obviously it is too late to say anything, but he agrees that it is rude I think if you can slip it into a conversation than do it.
lucamon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you have up to 1 year to write thank you cards. So technically, she has until next March. But no one really waits that long, because you'll forget what ppl gave you. Maybe you can send her a Christmas card and say something like 'you're welcome for the wedding gift'
MattandTricia07
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
It's just rude not to acknowledge that your friends and family shared in your special day, regardless of money- you should thank people for being there to share in the celebration. Money is an added bonus!!
BoxOfRocks
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
I thought you have up to 1 year to write thank you cards. So technically, she has until next March.
Sorry, but it's three months after the wedding according to Emily Post. Guests have up to a year to send the gift (time being of the essence). Although I must admit I sent the last ones out by 4 months. So, shame on me.
As far as the OP, let it go. She's either going to do it or not do it. Your annoyance is justified and she was rude, but it's also rude to drop passive-agressive hints. That's a sure fire way to start the drama cycle between you and the BM.
ETA--clarification.
PegaLega
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
I got married in May and still havent sent my thank yous 'Some' people dont get their professional pictures back for months, I didnt actually pick mine up until the end of July. Still no excuse, they should be sent
Bellez95
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
If this girl is in your bridal party it means you guys were close at one point. I dont understand why you cant just call her up and let her know that she should have sent out thank you cards. Some people are completely lost.
My sister unfortunately is one of the lost people she never picked up her thank you pictures and never sent out her thank you cards. Its been 3 years and my whole family makes fun of her for it. She is just a procrastinator and didn't have my mom or I to push her *** to do them since we lived in Florida at the time.
I send out thank you cards for everything. I have a 14 month old and I am constantly getting presents for her so now I am a thank you card pro if anyone needs helping doing theirs give me a call lol
Cacarina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
It is NOT okay to not send thank you cards! That is sooo rude. I don't know if you should say something or not...don't want to start drama. Maybe you should just take the high road and forget it.
Did your parents get a thank you?
lela9282008
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
I think it is very rude of her not to have sent thank you but maybe her pictures did not come in or something happened which is causing a delay. I would mention it like you said and see what she says
JoesFutureWife
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
It was definitely rude for her to not send out thank yous but i wouldn't say anything because you definitely do not need the drama for your wedding. I wouldn't stress over it too much. Of course it is nice to be thanked for a gift but like i said i wouldn't say anything for fear of it affecting your own wedding.
Violet19
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
I have been to 6 weddings in the past year and only one, my best friend sent out thank you notes. I could not believe it! I certainly hope this is not a new trend that picks up, because I find it rude and thoughtless.
skinny237
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice
It's very RUDE of her, but I don't know if I would say anything...it may cause too much drama and I don't know if it's worth it.
I really thought brides had a year to send them out (even if that's an outdated rule). Maybe she thinks that too?
