Need Advice about something silly...

Ok this may seem like a silly issue but I just need help with it.
My FH and I have been planning the wedding for almost a year now. So far he has given me the final say in everything I wanted. So i decided to surprise him with a grooms cake at the reception. He's a huge Giants fan and so i ordered this really awesome giants cake with canoli filling bc thats his favorite.
So we went last week to the RH to pick out the wedding cake and finalize the menu. Well he wanted this huge monstrosity of a cake while i wanted a smaller more elegant one ( we only have 120 pp and he picked a 6 layer huge cake with the bridal party figurines walking down fake stairs) and he wanted canoli filling and i wanted strawberry filling bc i know i already have the canoli filling in the grooms cake (and we also did a vienesse hr with all desserts including cannolis).
He's like why cant i just get this one thing out of the whole wedding. So we agreed he could have the humongo cake but with my strawberry filling.

Its a week later and I still cannot fathom having this cake. I HATE IT. I feel like we have spent so much money to make this such a beautiful affair and then slam ugly cake right in the middle of it. I asked him last night if we can change it and he said if its that big a deal to me i can do whatever i want.
I dont want to go against what he really wants but i think he'll have gotten over it when he sees the giants cake... what do you girls think?
sorry so long...

thats hard bc if you have made the decisions about everything so far then he is going to be upset that the one time he does request something that you say no. Im also going to lean towards just letting him do it since it seems like its something he really wants, its his wedding too and should feel part of some of the decisions being made.

I understand the whole thing about him not knowing about the groomscake. Yes its the same filling but seems like he also likes the other cake bc of its design. Yes he will be surprised with the groomscake and love it, and will get the cannoli filling like he wanted but i would let him pick the cake just so he can say he made a decision about something. My dh felt proud when he picked things out himself.

he gets cannoli filling in his grooms cake - you get strwberry in the traditional cake - how about calling the bakery and saying since we have the grooms cake can you scale down the size of the regular cake.

I had no say in our wedding cake - fh saw a poicture and that was it. It made fh happy - it's just a cake.

I think it's good that you talked to him and told him you really want to switch cakes. He did say you could change it and do whatever you want now, so try not to feel too guilty. Sure it might've been one of those 'do what you want but deep down I'm now upset', but I think he'll def get over the whole cake thing more so than a bride would.

If I was you, I'd just say something to him like look I'm going to change the cake like we discussed, but just please trust me on this! Emphasis the words 'trust me.' It'll probably make him wonder what you're talking about, but I'm sure he'll never guess. Hopefully it'd calm him down a bit and make him not so upset over the cake thing.

Hey hall twin. I am having the Gold package at Sand Castle also with viennese. I would try & pick a smaller cake...Most people don't even eat it. (IMO)
Also, once they see the viennese I have a feeling that most people will be over there picking.

FYI- When I spoke to the woman there I asked her if I could pick a different cake other then the choices & she said...as long as it is butter cream they will send the pic over to bakery. Fondant is to expensive. HTH

Or another suggestion is to change the filling on his cake.

how about you two compromise on the cake? you can do two fillings for a cake, so this way you also get the strawberry

i dont know what your dh is like. But for my dh it wasnt just about the specific thing we were trying to decide on, but just that when he had an opinion he would get upset if i was trying to take over and even if it wasnt something that it was a MUST have for him, he would get upset just that i didnt take his opinions into consideration. It wasnt about the item at all, it was about me caring about what he wanted, compromising, and both of us being part of the decisions not being controlling it. There were some things he didnt care about, and would just say to me to pick what i like he trusts me. Other things he had very strong opinions about. There was one time i wasn't crazy about something he wanted, i didnt tell him no but he did get upset that i didnt stand behind his decision 100% since it was something he really wanted. He talked to me about and told me why it bothered him, after that i stopped doing that.

Either way, good luck

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Posted by Kricket212

Hey hall twin. I am having the Gold package at Sand Castle also with viennese. I would try & pick a smaller cake...Most people don't even eat it. (IMO)
Also, once they see the viennese I have a feeling that most people will be over there picking.

FYI- When I spoke to the woman there I asked her if I could pick a different cake other then the choices & she said...as long as it is butter cream they will send the pic over to bakery. Fondant is to expensive. HTH

Or another suggestion is to change the filling on his cake.

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Thats my package too. Maybe if i find a pic of another cake that he likes as well they'll make it... great idea...
btw who is your BM?

thanks for your advice ladies!!!!

Think of it in these terms:

What is more important to you - having the cake you want or making FH happy?

Its just cake! and its gone once everyone eats it!

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Posted by Espo22

how about you two compromise on the cake? you can do two fillings for a cake, so this way you also get the strawberry

i dont know what your dh is like. But for my dh it wasnt just about the specific thing we were trying to decide on, but just that when he had an opinion he would get upset if i was trying to take over and even if it wasnt something that it was a MUST have for him, he would get upset just that i didnt take his opinions into consideration. It wasnt about the item at all, it was about me caring about what he wanted, compromising, and both of us being part of the decisions not being controlling it. There were some things he didnt care about, and would just say to me to pick what i like he trusts me. Other things he had very strong opinions about.

Either way, good luck

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He is fine with the strawberry filling bc the woman reminded him of the cannolis at teh viennese... its more of me just not letting him pick what he wanted... he's more of a mans man so its not like he FELL IN LOVE with the cake that he picked... its more like hey can i pick something...lol. All in all though when he realized all our vendors are already paid in full and saw the centerpiece display he thanked me and told me how amazing i am for being able to put this all together

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Posted by danandme4life

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Posted by Espo22

how about you two compromise on the cake? you can do two fillings for a cake, so this way you also get the strawberry

i dont know what your dh is like. But for my dh it wasnt just about the specific thing we were trying to decide on, but just that when he had an opinion he would get upset if i was trying to take over and even if it wasnt something that it was a MUST have for him, he would get upset just that i didnt take his opinions into consideration. It wasnt about the item at all, it was about me caring about what he wanted, compromising, and both of us being part of the decisions not being controlling it. There were some things he didnt care about, and would just say to me to pick what i like he trusts me. Other things he had very strong opinions about.

Either way, good luck

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He is fine with the strawberry filling bc the woman reminded him of the cannolis at teh viennese... its more of me just not letting him pick what he wanted... he's more of a mans man so its not like he FELL IN LOVE with the cake that he picked... its more like hey can i pick something...lol. All in all though when he realized all our vendors are already paid in full and saw the centerpiece display he thanked me and told me how amazing i am for being able to put this all together

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i understand what you are saying. I did ALOT myself and didnt want people to help me. Dh kept saying how proud he was of everything i did and really happy with everything and how hard i worked.

I mean do what makes you happy but i think cindyrella said it perfect. Its not about the cake, its about compromising in the relationship and although he didnt FALL IN LOVE with the cake, trust me that he will be real happy that he made a decision about something. You even said it yourself, its more about him saying 'hey can i pick something' the same way you would want him to listen to what you say and do things you want even if its not something he would love to do. Or if you dont let him pick the cake then i would get him involved in something else and do something else that he does want.

I think you should let him have the cake that he wants. It will be in the background for 99% of the wedding and then in a few pictures when you cut the cake.

I didn't even see my cake until it was time to cut it bc I was so occupied with other things. It is only in one picture in my album.

I think its nice that he picked something out

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Posted by danandme4life

thanks girls... im just going to get over it and leave it the wait it is

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I think that is for the best. For TWO years I SWORE I wouldn't have the garter or bo-k toss.
One week before the wedding, when the DJ asked - DH was like YEAH I can't wait for that part. Um okay, thanks for listening to me for TWO YEARS.

Well, I didn't say anything - they were overwith in about 5 minutes and it is actually a fun memory for me!

I am glad I didn't fight him on it or even go behind his back and cancel it with the DJ!