Ok - I just had my first, bridezilla - type episode with my mom on the phone (she lives in Florida). We were talking about my upcoming shower - not that I know when it is going to be or anything - but just trying to think about general coordination since my mom is in FL and one of my BM is in CA. So we start arguing about my sister who is my MOH. She is 21 and a slacker. Yes, there are certainly 21 y.o. who are much more mature, responsible, and into wedding things than she is. I know that she is not going to do anything and she has already proven that by not showing up to go dress shopping with me 2x. She has also not responded to an email I sent about BM dresses. So - my mom tells me that I cannot 'force' someone to be into planning,etc if they are not that type of person, don't have the financials, etc. So I got all pissed and told her that when people accept being in a bridal party (esp MOH) they should know what's involved and that it does involve that type of stuff - which my sister prob doesn't even know and I shouldn't have to be the one to tell her. Anyway - I am all pissy - and I feel like I don't even want her to be my MOH anymore. My mom is making it like - how can I demand certain things - and I see it like - excuse me for wanting a shower for my wedding. I just needed to vent but I feel like I also need advice on how to deal with this whole sister MOH situation, shower, etc! Thanks!!
sophie78
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
Is it a question of having a shower? Won't you have one regardless of whether your sister is involved in planning.
mrswask
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
I know I will have a shower but I have been feeling very disappointed in her lack of interest with anything having to do with my wedding - as I said - dissing appointments, not returning emails. I shouldn't have to teach her how to be a MOH - even her friends are more into it than she is. I know I sound like a *****, but that's how I feel.
JZNCK
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
I would be upset too, because she is your sister and you feel like she doesn't want to be involved. THis wedding is so exciting and a time when you want everyone to be excited and happy and ready to celebrate with you. A personal experience happen with me and a bridal show expo. I invited my Bm's fmil, my mom etc, and everyone bailed on me.. EXCUSE ME.. THAT IS RUDE!!!!! It made me feel like nobody cared, and that i have to PLAN EVERY ASPECT OF MY WEDDING.. MOH are you right hand through this wedding. maybe there is someonelse that will want to helpmore, and GO DRESS SHOPPING.. this should be fun and exciting for you. Just have her as a BM and choose one of you close friends to be your MOH.. Or on the knot they have a list of MOH duties, send it to her in a cute way, and say these are you duties, I'm so excited to have you as my MOH you mean so much to me.. bla bla bla.. hope I made sense and understood your question.. or I'm just babbling. GOOD LUCK
Nora101004
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
Talk to some of the other people in the BP and tell them of your concerns and ask them to help your sister.
mrswask
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
Thanks for your advice ladies. I know my BM will pick up the slack - but it just bothers me that my own sister seems to not give a damn and she is my MOH. She is not the one I want in that position!
ChristineC68
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
I am sorry you are so upset
Posted by mrswask
So I got all pissed and told her that when people accept being in a bridal party (esp MOH) they should know what's involved and that it does involve that type of stuff - which my sister prob doesn't even know and I shouldn't have to be the one to tell her.
Why can't you sit her down and explain what it means to be the MOH? She may not know, as you have stated that she is not the most mature 21 year old.
Or what about talking to your other BM's to help guide her along.
shelly3950
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
I understand how you feel. One of my friends went through the same thing. At 21, its hard for some people to imagine weddings adn to even know what her responsibilities are.
I would talk to her and express how you feel. You can tell her that if she doesn't feel up to being MOH and all that entails, she should tell you and you will ask someone else. Make sure she knows that you asked her because she is so important to you.
Sometimes people just need to know how you feel. Other times, some people (especially at 21) can be a bit self absorbed. Sorry about what you are going through.
sophie78
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
I would not take it personally. From what you described of your sister, this is who she is. So her behaviors have really nothing to do with your wedding and with you. She is behaving how she normally behaves whether you find it appropriate or not. Hence, it is really not personal.
Is she expected to pay for the shower or is your mom paying for it. My 22 year old sister is my MOH. But there is no way that I would expect her to pay for it. My mother is taking care of it. However, if my mom was not. I would imagine that my shower would be small and less lavish.
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
when i was asked to be a MOH for my friend's wedding...I had no idea what that meant, so i bought books and researched what my role would be.....but that's the type of person I am. So when I got engaged and asked people to be in my bridal party, I knew that some of them wouldn't know what is expected, so I gave them each a cute little book about being a bridesmaid....that way if they were wondering, they had something to read and could find out!!
maybe your sister just doesn't understand....you can't expect her to just know these things....
MrsERod
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice (and venting) long
Posted by mrswask
Thanks for your advice ladies. I know my BM will pick up the slack - but it just bothers me that my own sister seems to not give a damn and she is my MOH. She is not the one I want in that position!
IMO..your BM's shouldn't have to pick up any slack...your sister, as MOH AND as your SISTER should be aware that accepting the honor involves being responsible for certain things...I can't blame you for being upset, but try talking to her one on one and let her know how you feel..but remember to be diplomatic about it; maybe she just didn't know all thats involved... Maybe once you guys talk things out, she'll start to show a little more interest and step up to the plate.. good luck..
