need advice from other moms

let me first say hi me and my fiance are getting married in april and have most of our planning done
i have been trying to include my mom in just about everything i can from helping me with the my dress, the bm dresses, picking out my wedding band, flowers, shoes, you name it. my mom is paying for our reception but we are paying for everything else.
two weekends ago my fiance and I ordered our invitiations. my mom was upset to begin with that we put my fiances parents names on the invites because they havent given us any money though have helped us in other ways for the wedding. we simply put son of mr. and mrs. ...
for the responses we are having them sent back to a post office box that FH and I share. We did thsi for several reasons - one because we no longer are living with our paretns and two because we want the joy of opening our responses together, however we are not sure right now if we will still be in our apartment so we are having them go to our post office. Well the problem is that my mother took this as a sign of complete disrespect and that i stabbed her in the back, which was not our intentions at all. She feels as though she has had no involvement in the planning though i have brought her to above mentioned and also asked her opinion on many more matters. My issue is that there have been many ideas that i have had that she has not liked or even asked me to switch but its the way i wanted to be done so FH and i discussed it and decided on what was best for us.
my mother is now not talking to me at all and hasn't been since that day 2 weeks ago, wont pick up the phone wont call me, and when we went to a family dinner last weekend didnt say anything at all to me .. has also told me she doesnt want to come to the wedding, nor does she want me to get ready at her house like planned.
part of me wants to just change the responses just so that she will talk to me again but part of me doesnt because i ddint do it on purpose to hurt her i did it because that is where i wanted to have them sent ..
i'm just hurt right now because i have already apologized but that apparently isnt' good enough and i dont know what else to do ... its killing me to not be able to talk to her and i just simply dont know what to do..
**** please if any of you wind up knowing my mother by some chance do not tell her i asked for advice online becuase i dont want her to be embarrassed and i am not looking to start more trouble i am just looking for advice from other mothers as to how to make things better

Write her a note and tell her how much you love and respect her and that you are really, really missing her right now. Also tell her that you value her opinion and apologize, tell her you didn't realize that it meant that much to her.
If it were me receiving that note I would cry my eyes out and hug you.
Good luck.

Wow I am so sorry to read your post! Wedding planning can be an emotional time for everyone, and I know my daughter and I have had more than one meltdown, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, etc. But to not be speaking to you for 2 weeks is harsh.

I'm thinking there is something else bothering her besides the invitations, maybe some unresolved issues about 'losing' her baby. You don't mention your dad, I'm assuming your mom is alone. Is there a friend or relative who can mediate and at least bring the 2 of you to the table to talk it out?

It sounds like you have kept your mom very involved in the planning, and I think including your FH's parents names on the invitations the way you did is not at all disrespectful to her, and does not at all imply they assisted with the wedding. That's why I feel from what you posted that something else is going on

Could you compromise and have the replies go to her home with the firm agreement that you and FH want to be the ones to open them, maybe the 3 of you together? As you said, you didn't do this to hurt her, but she is lashing out and hurting you. Something else is bothering her. JMO

I like the idea of a card or note, maybe even leave her a message saying you are coming by on such and such afternoon and want to have a heart-to-heart with her because you are hurting and so is she, and you want to resolve this. Repeat that she is such an important part of this planning, and there will never be an opportunity to do this together again.

Hard to make suggestions not knowing you or your mom, but my heart would break to keep this estrangement going for so long! I know if my daughter met me half way I would cave! Maybe she just needs the reassurance that you are not replacing her in your life. Keep us posted, FM if u need to. Best wishes!

well the good news is that I just recieved my invitations in the mail today .. the sad news is that I can't even share that with my mother because she is still not talking to me. Tomorrow I am going to buy a thinking of you card and try to tell her how i'm feeling and that the invtes are here and they are beautiful and that I want to share this joy with her and pray that she comes around.. this sux so badly. My heart was thumping a mile a minute when i saw the box and knew what it was and then I opened it and looked at the time to call her and realized that she's not talking to me and i felt completely depressed. This needs to end. I hope the card will work ..