One of my BM's and closest friends lost her father very suddenly last week. I was hoping to get some advice on what I can do to help her through this difficult time...I would really like to know what, if anything, made people feel better when they lost a parent.
I feel so useless, but want to help her any way I can...also we live in 2 different states, so I can't just drop in to see her...
TIA!!!!
mirla122
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
Sorry to hear. Why don't you send her a nice care package? Teddy bear, cd's, books, magazines, dvd's or anything you think she might enjoy.
Beth1210
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I lost my Mom almost a year ago- just call her and let her know that you are there for her
Also- make sure every one else is the Bridal party is aware- so they can be sensitive
I had a little situation- I am a BM is my best freiends wedding- and her bridal party was all together, I made a joke about my dad being suddenly single- and her FSIL- who is a a$$hole anyway- said ' oh do your parents not get along, is that why your Mom wont be at the wedding'
Everyone is the room was stunned and silent- It took all the strengh I had to be nice, smile and stay for the rest of the night
DayBeforeThanksgiving
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I lost my Dad 5 years ago. The best thing you can do is to make sure she knows that you are there for her ANY time of the day/night. Call her and check on her during the day. Take her out to lunch or something to take hermind off of it.
That's the best thing in the world! Worked for me!
princess99
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
Both of my parents passed away. ( By the time I was 30) be there for not just the next month or two, but do not forget about her. Be there for her, little cards, a phone call, just thinking of you things . HTH
103005FallBride
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
Like everyone said let her know you're there for her. There is nothing that you can really do...except that. When I lost my Mom 4 1/2 years ago just knowing friends and family were there for me made a difference... There were times I couldn't bear to be alone...my family would come over or call often to make sure I was ok.
mbm750
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I agree with everyone - just let her know you're there. I'd probably call her and send her some flowers or something.
But please don't take it personally if she doesn't feel like talking - I definitely appreciated everyone's support and couldn't have gotten through what happened without it, but the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it, even to my best friends. At least for awhile anyway. But the hugs, and phone calls, and flowers - those were crucial!
seta
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
M&LSept1606
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I lost my mom 3 years ago. I agree with the rest of the girls-call her, and tell her she can call you anytime.
For me, I mostly wanted to be alone-but like someone else said, I can still remember who called and attended the services and who did not. Losing my mom was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to go thru. So, knowing my friends were sympathetic and there for me made me feel better.
I think sending flowers and a nice 'friend' kind of poem is a great thing too. And, they have beautiful cards in the sympathy section-you can get her one and write something special. hope that helps
Kelly9904
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I lost my mom 8 months ago. Honestly for the first month afterwards I didnt want to talk to anyone really. I felt like between her illness (cancer) and the services I was constantly reliving all of it over and over.
I recieved alot of cards from friends which was really sweet. One thing that for some reason meant so much to me was a plant that a friend sent me! I was crushed when I killed the plant ( I made DH keep the plant for an extra three months with out one leaf on it ) Anyway, I would call her and leave a message on her Voicemail just letting her know that you are there anytime of any day, no matter what she needs! I had a friend who will still call my Cell while I am at work (she knows I dont answer it) and just leave messages to see how I am. Also I really appreciate when people ask how m y dad is! For the first few months I was more concerned with him than myself!
I would also just send her sweet cards, funny cards, anything just to let her know you are there.
There is nothing anyone can do to make you feel better but I feel you really learn during htis time who your true friends are.
Goldi1021
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I am very close to losing my father right now. He has been deathly ill in the hospital for 9 months and only on a full DNR for the past 3 of those 9 months. The odds of him living until my wedding day are non-existent and I have made peace with that no matter how hard it really is. However, what gets me through it, is knowing I have the most incredible family (mom and 3 siblings), an FH who lets me cry and is there when I need him and a close knit circle of friends who call and simply allow me to talk when I need to.
My best advice? Don't try to be a hero. Just be available. Too much can be just that - too much.
Kelly9904
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
Goldi- I am soo sorry that you are going through this! I know what its like to jump everytime the phone rings and to live in a hospital! I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy! If you need anything please dont hesitat to FM me! Its a tough road!
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
Thank you so much for all of the wonderful tips and ideas...
I cannot even pretend to understand what you girls have been through and are continuing to face...I truly appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
Posted by Goldi1021
I am very close to losing my father right now. He has been deathly ill in the hospital for 9 months and only on a full DNR for the past 3 of those 9 months. The odds of him living until my wedding day are non-existent and I have made peace with that no matter how hard it really is. However, what gets me through it, is knowing I have the most incredible family (mom and 3 siblings), an FH who lets me cry and is there when I need him and a close knit circle of friends who call and simply allow me to talk when I need to.
My best advice? Don't try to be a hero. Just be available. Too much can be just that - too much.
Goldi....you and your family are in my thoughts....God bless you!
littlebookworm4
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Re: Need Advice from those who have Lost a Parent...
I lost my dad a year ago and it was just nice to know that someone was there to talk to or that they were thinking about me. It's hard - what can you really say? I've been through it personally and I still don't know what to say to others when it happens to them. Just let her know that your're there with a shouldar to cry on if needed.
