Need advice.. Help!

2003OCT10 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 12:21 AM

Need advice.. Help!

My fiancee's father is divorced. Twice. He had a Girlfriend that he was dating when we first started dating 5 years ago. They broke up. I ordered and wrote out all the invitations. Sent his to JUST HIM! I now find out he has a new girlfriend for like a month or so... the day before the invitations went out. He tells my fiancee that he wants her to come to the wedding. YESTERDAY!!!!! I do not know her from a hole in the wall, and dont want to make my FMIL uncomfortable. To make matters worse.. this woman used to rent the upstairs apartment out when my FMIL and FFIL were married.. so FMIL knows her! WHAT do I do?!?!?!?!?

smilingbride Posted: Aug 10, 2003 12:30 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

My parents are divorced and I already let them know that unless they are dating someone 'significant', they will not be invited with a guest to my wedding. I don't need some 'random' person around on my wedding day. It's a time for family and friends!! I may sound mean, but that's how I feel. I guess you need to find out how signficant this woman is and see if it is worth hurting your FMIL's feelings. Good Luck.

ps If you do invite her, you might want to give your FMIL a heads up so things aren't so akward on the day of your wedding!

2003OCT10 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 12:37 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

The invitation has already been sent and recieved.. it is just addressesed to Mr. Future FIL... NO GUEST...as far as I knew he didnt have guest.. I planned around a certain number of people... UGH!!!!!! I dont want her there... I am just really PO'd because he never even told us that he was dating someone. Hes been with her for about a month maybe more, and knew we have been planning our wedding.. and he couldnt be a man and suggest this weeks ago?!?! UGH!! I want to elope!

butterfly20 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 12:46 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

maybe your FH can talk to FFIL and tell him that not you but 'he' would feel like it mike make FMIL uncomfortable, and want it to be a peaceful wedding?

mlp924 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 01:09 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

UGH! That is a tough situation. I agree with Emily that your FH should talk to his dad. It could definately become an uncomfortable situation for everyone!

Good Luck

2003OCT10 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 04:12 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

Thats the thing though.. he's a little bitt of a pansy when it comes to talking to daddy.... I have the mouth, and I am afraid I will blow up at him...

The other thing... WE (my fi and I) are paying for the wedding from a very generous gift from MY parents... NOT ONCE HAS HE OFFERED TO CHIP IN OR HELP OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he expects us to smile and say that this bimbet can come for free drinks!!!!!!!

Girls.. I'm gonna cry.... I cant even sleep.. This is driving me crazy!!!!!!

nycchic_24 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 04:21 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

HOnestly, I would just say no. This is you and your fh's day and you make the choices..yeah it may start a family tiff but I would think bringing her would chance worse happening AT the wedding.

I got bullied into a lot of things for our wedding last year and if I could go back, I would change what people TOLD me to do. NO matter what, you guys decide what goes. And if his father doesnt understand that, its on him then.

Is your FMIL bringing someone? Im not sure if you had said or not.

2003OCT10 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 04:34 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

Nope she's single.

nycchic_24 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 04:46 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

Like I Said..if you and your fh do not want it..then do not let him do it..I know its hard and easier said than done but its better to have a small, quick fight than a long drawn out one that may ruin your wedding. Is he the type of man that will say that he wont come if he isnt allowed to bring this woman?

aliciahelene Posted: Aug 10, 2003 09:31 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

I dont have any suggestions for you, because thats a F%$^%cked up situation..but here are some hugs for you!!!

michele31 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 09:54 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

I think you and your FH should sit down with your FFIL and speak to him about this. Explain that your wedding day is NOT the time to start introducing a new girlfriend. You would like everyone to enjoy themselves and get along and this sitution just spells trouble all around. If you and your FH stand together on this matter, then it will work out fine I bet. I am sure he doesn't want to go alone but tell him that you will allow him to chose the guests and his table so he will be among friends/family.
A son's wedding is not the time, nor the place to make a grand enterance with a new girlfriend. I totally agree with you.

teachertime Posted: Aug 10, 2003 10:41 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

OK, just my opinion, but ALL single people I invited to my wedding I invited with a guest. I feel no one should have to go to a wedding or any occasion alone. I would not want to go to a wedding or special occassion alone, would any of you?

My father ispassed away and my mother has a SO (significant other) who is invited to my wedding. Also, we have divorced friends and they are all invited with a guest.

I agree that maybe this is not the time to introduce a new girlfriend, but why should you FFIL be asked to come alone? If FMIL wants to come alone that is her choice. Would you prevent her from coming with an escort if she felt more comfortable that way?

Just my two cents. I fell most people do not like to go to weddings or special events alone and they should be extended the invitation to bring and escort or guest.

Good luck!

Chris

Stacey1403 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 10:46 AM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

I totally agree with Michele Also I would speak to FMIL and ask her how she feels about this. Maybe it won't bother her in the least.

Also I sent you an FM

Nora101004 Posted: Aug 10, 2003 03:49 PM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

Jumping on the 'Ask FMIL' wagon

prncssrachel Posted: Aug 10, 2003 04:15 PM

Re: Need advice.. Help!

Personally, if I were in this situation, I would have my FH tell his father that, while we respect his new relationship, we would appreciate him coming alone. End of story. But that's going on how MY family is. I just don't think it's worth the drama. I would want FFIL to enjoy being there with everyone he knows, and not having to sidle up to someone who doesn't really know anyone (granted she knows FMIL, but I don't think they'll be spending time together). JMO.