Need advice - I feel like I'm competing with my niece and nephew

This weekend, we had some pre-wedding ceremonies in our house. My niece and nephew were making so much noise throughout the whole one-hour ceremony. They are 3.5 years old and 1.5 years old. My mother kept turning around and PLAYING with them!

My niece and nephew dictate everything that goes on in our family.... from Thanksgiving dinner to everything else. They are kids, I get it. But I feel for my wedding - for this ONE THING in my entire life - I would like to dictate the events. I feel that my mom is going to do the same thing at the wedding ceremony. We're having an indian wedding in a hotel ballroom (not a church or temple).

I tried telling my mom last night and she got really defensive so I changed to the subject and walked away. Anyone else going through this? Any advice? My brother and sister-in-law are no help. I asked my sis-in-law once to please stop leaving the kids with my mom on the weekends since we're really busy and she said I 'laid the smackdown on her.' Hardly!!!

My brother is a spoiled brat and he has no concept of help. It is really is mom's doing. I don't want to enable her anymore.

My mom said that it takes very little to break a relationship so it's not worth it to talk to my brother about this.

IT IS SO HARD!!! Yesterday i had plans for my parents to come over for dinner and my nephew and niece called up asking if they could come over grandma's and grandpa's house to hang out while mommy and daddy shopped. My parents said SURE - leaving us flat! I got so annoyed.

At our wedding my niece and nephew were little stars - children are always going to be and honestly there is nothing you can do. But during the ceremony and reception its all about you so no fears. Yea mom is probably going to pay attention to her grandkids but she will be there for the parts you need her. Just tell her flat out listen when I need you, you gotta be there for me and the rest of the time you can play with your grandkids. Worked with my mom.

i definitely see what you're saying -- i'm not sure what you can do about it. we had one kid at our wedding (my 7 year old cousin) and he stole the show but not in a bad way or anything that took away from us at all.

I danced with him on my knees, he complimented the photographer and my mom ('that is an excellent shot!' 'you look as beautiful as the day you were married' ) and he was a big hit among my friends who were meeting him for the first time.

it's hard when the kids are younger. maybe someone else can watch them during the wedding so your mom doesnt feel like she needs to?

Thanks ladies. I guess you're right in that there is nothing I can really do.

If I don't expect anything, I won't be let down.

I know what you are talking about. I have a sister and a brother and also 3 adopted siblings! The youngest adopted one is 6 and ever since she has lived with my parents I have not been able to have a real conversation with my mother. Its just the way it goes. I feel like my mom is too busy to listen to me ever. I hate it! but at the same time I can totally understand.. they are kids and are hard to ignore. And i looooooove my sister so I cant get mad.

However, on the day of the wedding I am telling my mother flat out she better pay more attention to me! lol

Yeah, I kinda set the rules early on that there would be no kids at my wedding. I've seen too many times children take over the receptions, and the last thing I want is a 'kid party'. But honestly, none of the brides ever cared at any of those weddings. Even when the little flower girls cry all the way down the aisle. I don't think it would bother me half as much as I would expect it to. Not on that special day.

The thing with me though is that i work with kids, so i NEED a break away from them Plus I don't have any nieces or nephews. With you, it seems there's no way to go around it. I'm sure it'll be nice having (esp for pictures). Just make sure somebody's there to take 'em out if they get loud during the ceremony.

Hire a baby sitter or put someone in charge of watching them/ taking care of them.

Suggest this in a very sensitive way. Have them play in the back or another room while ceremony is happening.

---

Posted by KPetekie

If it makes you feel better, my mom cancelled looking for a veil with me because she didn't feel like leaving the house since she didn't have to. She had an appt to get the dog groomed but that was cancelled so she cancelled on me. Then when I got annoyed, she offered to go with me on Sunday because she could drop the dog off then. I love working on a dog's schedule. Ps. I am just going on my own. But it really does suck when you think that wedding planning is an activity that should be really mother-daughter oriented and she's not in to it at all. (Ps. the only thing I have asked her to do so far is come see the rh and come dress shopping with me 1x... I do EVERYTHING by myself).

---

I'm sorry you have to put up with this! My mom cancelled a meeting with the invitations people since she had to babysit the kids. My brother and sis-in-law have no concept of life beyond themselves and my mom can't say no to her son.

---

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

i guess im in the minority here...i honestly dont mean anything bad by this, but im kind of confused as to what the issue is. they are 1 and 3 and were being too loud? im sure its frustrating and it would be great if the parents were more conscientious about it (maybe like taking them aside for a little while- outside or entertaining them or something..maybe your mom was just trying to help by doing that for you. she may just be trying to balance helping everyone), .

---

Yes, my main issue is children being children! If there is a religious ceremony going on and children are crying and whining, the proper thing to do is to leave the room. My brother and sis-in-law do not really care. My mother also does not really care. My FH's entire family flew over from Europe and the least we can do is show them a little courtesy by letting the ceremony be heard by those that are interested.

---

Posted by pa56

---

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

i guess im in the minority here...i honestly dont mean anything bad by this, but im kind of confused as to what the issue is. they are 1 and 3 and were being too loud? im sure its frustrating and it would be great if the parents were more conscientious about it (maybe like taking them aside for a little while- outside or entertaining them or something..maybe your mom was just trying to help by doing that for you. she may just be trying to balance helping everyone), .

---

Yes, my main issue is children being children! If there is a religious ceremony going on and children are crying and whining, the proper thing to do is to leave the room. My brother and sis-in-law do not really care. My mother also does not really care. My FH's entire family flew over from Europe and the least we can do is show them a little courtesy by letting the ceremony be heard by those that are interested.

---

well i can understand the ceremony concern (not so much the children being children) and hopefully on the day of, someone will be a bit more tuned into that!

---

Posted by pa56

This weekend, we had some pre-wedding ceremonies in our house. My niece and nephew were making so much noise throughout the whole one-hour ceremony. They are 3.5 years old and 1.5 years old. My mother kept turning around and PLAYING with them!

My niece and nephew dictate everything that goes on in our family.... from Thanksgiving dinner to everything else. They are kids, I get it. But I feel for my wedding - for this ONE THING in my entire life - I would like to dictate the events. I feel that my mom is going to do the same thing at the wedding ceremony. We're having an indian wedding in a hotel ballroom (not a church or temple).

I tried telling my mom last night and she got really defensive so I changed to the subject and walked away. Anyone else going through this? Any advice? My brother and sister-in-law are no help. I asked my sis-in-law once to please stop leaving the kids with my mom on the weekends since we're really busy and she said I 'laid the smackdown on her.' Hardly!!!

My brother is a spoiled brat and he has no concept of help. It is really is mom's doing. I don't want to enable her anymore.

My mom said that it takes very little to break a relationship so it's not worth it to talk to my brother about this.

---

This is exactly why I don't want kids at the reception. My two younger cousins sound just like your niece & nephew. Thy will both stop at nothing to get attentio and will do what they must to get something they want. Their parents give in to their every cry too.
Good example: My uncle & aunt took the kids up to Albany to see my grandmother (they see her very little as it it). They were up there 4 hours before the kids began to cry and want to go home. Next day after breakfast they left.
I don't want my aunt & uncle leaving early cause the kids want to go home.

My other cousin had a Birthday BBQ last weekend and said uncle & aunt with kids in tow came. They were there maybe an hour before that 'i want to go home' started. And then they left.

I don't want that at my reception.