Need Advice..... (long sorry) ETA: question!

I have mentioned once before that FH has one friend I can't stand! Honestly, I can't even say I know him too well (I have no interest in getting to know him) but I know how FH acts when he is with him and how he treats me when he is with him and it makes me really hate this guy. FH doesn't act the same way when he is with other friends. I have asked him to not see this guy so often and told him how I feel and he doesn't get it.

I should add this guy drinks a bottle of Bacardi a day, and plays poker all night. (FH has told me this I have never seen it myself). He also never went to visit FH while he was in the hospital yet his mother called me and interigated me about why my BF was driving to my house at 3am. I have never even met the woman. She was rude and nasty yet denies it to FH when he said something about it. Also, a few months ago FH was hanging out at his house, he and his friend got wasted... then his friend started acting really strange, running around the house and making a scene until his parents kicked my FH out DRUNK!

Anyway, I do NOT want to invite him to the wedding. I don't want someone there who is going there just for the free booze will definitely get drunk and possibly cause a scene. FH is torn bc it is his friend. For the first time his friend actually brought up the wedding asked how things are going and FH told him I wasn't inviting him. The friend was upset according to FH. So now I am feeling bad. I have stuck to my guns for a long time about not having him there and now I feel bad bc I know FH does.

What would you do? I can't keep FH from ever seeing him although I wish he would. I also know I will never hear the end of it, if we don't invite him.

ETA Question: Is it fair of me to say to FH that based on how he is with this loser and how he treats me when he is with this guy until invites go out (about 6 weeks or so) can be the deciding factor on whether we invite him or not?

You have FM

First off, FH should have never said he wasn't invited because you didn't want him there. But whatever, what's done is done.

If FH really REALLY wants him there then I might give in. BUT, I'd tell your BM to let the bartenders and wait staff know to cut him off and water down his drinks.

---

Posted by AdriandSteve

First off, FH should have never said he wasn't invited because you didn't want him there. But whatever, what's done is done.

If FH really REALLY wants him there then I might give in. BUT, I'd tell your BM to let the bartenders and wait staff know to cut him off and water down his drinks.

---

I actually told FH if friend asks why he isn't invited you can tell him I didn't want him there. I don't feel thrown under the bus about that. I would rather take the blame than FH since it's the truth

I feel your pain although my FHs best friend has been a bit nicer to me lately. . . . . my FH actually made his best friend friend a best man - I am sooooo mad about it, I don't want this guy giving a speech at my wedding it is one thing that I am worried about. But I can't tell him what to do.

Honestly, I know that you don’t want him there, but you are going to have so much going on that day that you wont even notice him being there.

Just think of me – I have an a-hole saying a speech that I did not want in the wedding.

---

Posted by mariedsgn

I feel your pain although my FHs best friend has been a bit nicer to me lately. . . . . my FH actually made his best friend friend a best man - I am sooooo mad about it, I don't want this guy giving a speech at my wedding it is one thing that I am worried about.

Honestly, I know that you don’t want him there, but you are going to have so much going on that day that you wont even notice him being there.

Just think of me – I have an a-hole saying a speech that I did not want in the wedding.

---

Sorry Marie, that's really tough. I hope his speech is good and you breath a big sigh of relief when it's over

All I keep seeing is this guy running around like an idiot. He is weird too it's not like he is a loud obnoxious a-hole he is creepy and weird and drinks until he doesn't know what the hell he is doing. .. literally he was hiding in his own house one night while FH was there bc he was so drunk.

---

Posted by AwaitingAugust

i'd tell him that he can come BUT he can't drink .... and if he drinks anyhow and starts acting loopy, then I'd have someone send him home (in a cab, hopefully)

---

I als osaid that to FH and his response... 'how can we control if he drinks or not...' he is right but still not he answer I wanted to hear.

---

Posted by soontobecruz

---

Posted by mariedsgn

I feel your pain although my FHs best friend has been a bit nicer to me lately. . . . . my FH actually made his best friend friend a best man - I am sooooo mad about it, I don't want this guy giving a speech at my wedding it is one thing that I am worried about.

Honestly, I know that you don’t want him there, but you are going to have so much going on that day that you wont even notice him being there.

Just think of me – I have an a-hole saying a speech that I did not want in the wedding.

---

Sorry Marie, that's really tough. I hope his speech is good and you breath a big sigh of relief when it's over

All I keep seeing is this guy running around like an idiot. He is weird too it's not like he is a loud obnoxious a-hole he is creepy and weird and drinks until he doesn't know what the hell he is doing. .. literally he was hiding in his own house one night while FH was there bc he was so drunk.

---

You will be so busy that day and so happy that hopefully you wont even spend any time with him. This is what all of my friends have told me - I hope it's true. . . . I am telling the band and my DOC if he says something that I don't like I am going to have them start the music.

my one friend told me to bring a water gun and shot him with it - if he says something bad.

Well unfortunately I think if FH wants him there, you kind of have to invite him. BUT I think your ETA question is a good idea. And in all honesty, I think on the day of, you probably won't even notice him.

---

Posted by mariedsgn

---

Posted by soontobecruz

---

Posted by mariedsgn

I feel your pain although my FHs best friend has been a bit nicer to me lately. . . . . my FH actually made his best friend friend a best man - I am sooooo mad about it, I don't want this guy giving a speech at my wedding it is one thing that I am worried about.

Honestly, I know that you don’t want him there, but you are going to have so much going on that day that you wont even notice him being there.

Just think of me – I have an a-hole saying a speech that I did not want in the wedding.

---

Sorry Marie, that's really tough. I hope his speech is good and you breath a big sigh of relief when it's over

All I keep seeing is this guy running around like an idiot. He is weird too it's not like he is a loud obnoxious a-hole he is creepy and weird and drinks until he doesn't know what the hell he is doing. .. literally he was hiding in his own house one night while FH was there bc he was so drunk.

---

You will be so busy that day and so happy that hopefully you wont even spend any time with him. This is what all of my friends have told me - I hope it's true. . . . I am telling the band and my DOC if he says something that I don't like I am going to have them start the music.

my one friend told me to bring a water gun and shot him with it - if he says something bad.

---

That's a good idea! In fact I might bring a real gun and if this a$$ starts casuing problems I'll really shoot him...

I am in a similar situation - FH has one of his friends as a groomsman and I absolutely CANNOT stand him. He said that he won't need a hotel room, he can take the LIRR to and from Queens to the rehearsal dinner and to the wedding!!! I was like 'um, no' so FH told him he has to get one and also he has to be on his best behavior.

I would invite him, have your FH tell him to watch his alcoholic intake.

Make sure your DOC knows who he is, that he is an alcoholic, and that he will need to be cut off if his behavior is getting out of control.

Hopefully he'll understand and not drink a lot, but if he drinks a bottle a day, you can't really depend on him!

If it makes you feel any better Shauna, the guy you just described is my brother when he drinks. I don't want him at our wedding but he is family.

If I were you, I would just invite the idiot so that he can't hold anything over your head or make you feel guilty in the future.