My parents are married and FH's parents are divorced. FMIL does not like FFIL. FFIL has been remarried and FMIL has a boyfriend so they are both happy. FH and I are having a unity candle during our church ceremony and I wanted to have our parents involved somehow. I suggested to FH how each set of parents could light the small candles and then pass them on to FH and I for us to light the big one. FH was saying how his mom would not do such a thing. I said how she was able to pose for pics with his dad during our e-party and he said she only did it because she didn't want to cause a scene. He's saying I'd be wasting my time asking her if she'd be willing to do the candle ceremony. I said I'd rather waste my time than not ask at all.
FH said he really does like the idea and he knows his dad would do it for us. But his mom has such strong feelings against his dad (for reasons even he doesn't understand). The divorce wasn't a good one but happened when FH was in middle school. So, if she says no to the candle ceremony, then what else could we do? I was thinking just the mothers but... that would be defeating the whole purpose of the original idea. It's just that they are both his parents... can't she just do it for her son? I don't know. Maybe I don't understand. Sorry so long. Thanks.
bluegreen08
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
this wedding is about and your FH, not his parents. they should step it up and act like adults.
not saying it will happen, but they SHOULD do it for the two of you
Valerie-Joe
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
I agree, they SHOULD put you guys before themselves on your wedding day. FH has a similar situation and FMIL is always bashing FFIL. I am just waiting for her to make a scene. Anyway, back to you, I'd ask your FH again, maybe he'll give it a try and ask your FMIL. I guess that's all you can do.
jaep129
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
FH parents have been divorced for 20 years. FFIL has a girlfriend for many years who I feel closer to then my FMIL. Our priest likes to say a pray and have our parents come up and hold their hand on our shoulders. I asked them and they agreed b/c its our day and their problem is not our problem.
stinenandy2010
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
Wow, sounds like we have the same in laws!! Fh mom is just horrible, she won't do anything for him and acts like a child. I would just tell her you would like to do this and if she doesn't thats fine but its her decision if she opts out.
I have a similar situation but since dads give us away..we are just going to have our moms light our candles
Heather101208
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
Both mine and FH parents are divorced so wedding planning has been a very delicate process at times. There is no harm in asking, because everyone here is right they SHOULD do whatever you want on YOUR wedding day. Sometimes our parents can act like children and its beyond frustrating! Good luck, I hope your wedding day is everything you dream it to be and FH parents are able to realize that although their relationship may have ended, the best thing in their lives still remains a product of that relationship, you FH!
DnJ0809
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
Thank you everyone for your replies. I am not sure when we'll ask FH's mom but we will when the time is right. Thank again. I will keep you updated.
Mrs B to Be
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
i've seen it done with only the moms...it still looks perfectly nice....but i agree they should just suck it up and do it for their children....its not about them
LoriBeth2728
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
if his mom won't do it, just tell her it's too bad that she won't, then do it w/your parents and his dad. Let her look like the big baby since she's acting that way.
BarbieGrl10
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
Posted by JJC
I have a similar situation but since dads give us away..we are just going to have our moms light our candles
Thats a great idea!!!!!
mls282
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
Posted by LoriBeth2728
if his mom won't do it, just tell her it's too bad that she won't, then do it w/your parents and his dad. Let her look like the big baby since she's acting that way.
I agree. I would ask her to be a part of it and if she has a tantrum or refuses I would let her know we really want you to be a part of it but if you do not want to then we are planning ons still doing with everyone else since they have all agreed to do it. Tell her to think about it then. I guarantee she will reconsider. Her being left out would feel worse to her so I bet she ***** it up then and does it :)
donegal419
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Re: Need advice - mine and FH's parents
We lit our own candles, not because anyone wasn't getting along, but it was more about OUR union...not theirs.
In stead, we gave roses to each of our parents at the Sign of Peace (don't know if you're having a Mass???) perhaps this would solve the problem? everyone would be acknowledged, but no one would be uncomfrotable.
