FH and I are having and ongoing issue with $$$. He is very irresponsible when it comes to budgeting and now that i lost my full-time job and I'm working part-time its getting more harder for us. Ive spoke about this with him plenty of times I even wrote him a lonnnng letter expressing my feelings and nothing has changed Ive been telling him when he gets paid to take out $$ that we will need for the week and put the rest into his saving account. He just got paid on Friday and more than half of the $$ is gone and he claims he doesn't know where he spent it. Now its starting to raise red flags, and I'm staring to think other things. Ive been stressing out b/c our wedding is in 8mths and we are not saving properly and i feel like he really doesn't care. I love him very much and we have two kids together but if we cant fix this now then we will be battling with this after we get married and its all downhill from there. I don't know what else to do im so upset that I don't want to speak to him Thanks for reading :)
GiannisWifey
Posted:
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
NOT speaking to him won't solve the issue....
I totally understand being frustrated and not wanting to talk but that is the only way you will get through. You have to sit down and tell him the importance of saving money and what it is he has to save each month. Stress to him how upset and nervous it is making you and how youw ant to work together to resolve the issue. Break down for him on a spreadsheet how much you both make combined, what is needed for bills, etc, and what he can 'spend' during the week. The remainder is for savings. Calculate how much the savings will add up if he sticks to it, maybe that will be an eye opener for him??
Good luck hun and try to talk it out!!
AngnShaun
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
I wish I could give you advice... nothing I ever said or did regarding this subject ever did anything... it wasnt until he realized on his own what a bonehead he was being... that he actually decided to start to be more responsible
StaceyWill
Posted:
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Awwwww mama…I agree with Haroula…talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…Communication is key in a relationship. And keep talking to him until he gets it. You know how many times I have to REMIND my FH that we can’t buy this or that because we’re on a tight budget. Men just don’t get it sometimes…Good Luck!!!!!!!!
lori7570
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
I would go to a financial advisor/counselor...hearing it from someone else may be more effective...
Jna2010
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
yeah this is definitely cause for concern... how about depositing his money straight into a joint account this way you can better monitor it... or he can fork it over to you, and then you budget him out for the week (like you give him what he should need to get by for the week until he learns to keep track himself)
AdriandSteve
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
I agree with the girls above. Talk to him until your blue in the face.
It gets annoying at times b/c i sometimes feel like his mom telling him what he can't buy and why but then the reverse happens and i go a little spending happy so it works.
What did he say when you wrote him the letter.
runnerbride1023
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
The only advice i can give is to tell you to speak to your FH. if it doesnt work, maybe bring in a 3rd party to help. It is really important you get on the same page regarding the finances b/c you are right - the issues will snowball over the years if you do not resolve now.
KrisD72310
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Posted by Jna2010
yeah this is definitely cause for concern... how about depositing his money straight into a joint account this way you can better monitor it... or he can fork it over to you, and then you budget him out for the week (like you give him what he should need to get by for the week until he learns to keep track himself)
This is what I've been doing! FH knows that he's not good with budgeting money so I went through his finances and we figured out an amount that he can afford to give me every month. We set it up to automatically deposit into my account. This month after it was deposited he was complaining because he only had $30 left for himself for his next paycheck, but he knew I wasn't going to budge. Definitely try to talk to him about setting something like this up. Can you check his ATM card also??? When I did that I realized FH was spending like $14 a day in 7-11 and I freaked out on him. He says he buys food and stuff there. What a waste of $$$.
MrsC2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Posted by lori7570
I would go to a financial advisor/counselor...hearing it from someone else may be more effective...
yeah i was going to suggest the same thing. maybe a financial advisor can help you guys set up a budget that your FH can stick to.
futuremrsjc2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Thanks so much for the advice ladies i just feel like i sound like a broken record every time i bring it to his attention and it goes in one ear and out the other . I will try and talk to him again. Yesterday i got fed up and took the rest of his $$ and told him to only use what he would need for the week. Sometimes i feel like he doesn't trust me or something, but he says that's not true. I'm like we been together for 6yrs i'm not gonna run away with your $$....
christine2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
i think at this point the best thing to do is control all the money. sit down together & make a list of all your regular monthly expenses. then see how much you have to save in your wedding fund (either set up a new account or hide the money from him) then see how much you can use as spending money.
good luck
Golden
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Posted by GiannisWifey
NOT speaking to him won't solve the issue....
I totally understand being frustrated and not wanting to talk but that is the only way you will get through. You have to sit down and tell him the importance of saving money and what it is he has to save each month. Stress to him how upset and nervous it is making you and how youw ant to work together to resolve the issue. Break down for him on a spreadsheet how much you both make combined, what is needed for bills, etc, and what he can 'spend' during the week. The remainder is for savings. Calculate how much the savings will add up if he sticks to it, maybe that will be an eye opener for him??
Good luck hun and try to talk it out!!
ITA- Also, do you think he would be willing to give you his check on payday and allow you to work with him on paying his bills etc. so that you can show him the right way? just a thought.
DaniandKen2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
I had to have a screaming match with FH for him to wise up. It was not one of my finest moments but it definitely woke him up and he has become a budget maniac with me.
ourwedding9510
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Would giving him an allowance work? My cousins FH is SO bad with money! He makes the money but he spends it too quick. So she ended up making certain accounts up for them. She has her own, he has his own, and they have joint one together. If he wants to be treated like he can't hold responsility then my cousin intends on treating him that way. Every week she takes the check and she deposits it into the joint account. She then writes him a check to put into his account an that's the money he has for the week, until he gets paid again. Would that work?
Well good luck! It'll all work out!
FutureMrsLMS
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Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
My friends had this problem. The wife ended up controlling all the finances - his paycheck goes directly into her account and she gives him a weekly allowance so he's forced to either stick to the budget or be constantly asking her for $$.
If you have 2 kids together, clearly the priorities need to be placed on them. A wedding is probably not that important to him, if worse comes to pass you can just pony up and drag him to City Hall for a simple ceremony and not go through the ordeal of a RH, entertainment, flowers, etc.
Talking to him is a start - but if he isn't responding, I would suggest couples' therapy and if he still isn't being honest about his finances - then I'd just do the allowance thing my friends did...
mariedsgn
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
I agree with Haroula…you should talk to him sorry you have to deal with this - maybe put all of your money in a joint account so you both can see where everything is going.
futuremrsjc2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
Posted By AdriandSteve
I agree with the girls above. Talk to him until your blue in the face.
It gets annoying at times b/c i sometimes feel like his mom telling him what he can't buy and why but then the reverse happens and i go a little spending happy so it works.
What did he say when you wrote him the letter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He said that he would change and start handling his money better, this was 1 month ago
queensbride2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice pleaseeeee...........Long VENT
I agree with all the advice above. Sometimes for men, it goes in one ear and out the other.
Does he have direct deposit? Does his job offer it? If so, you could set it up so that a certain amount of money goes into the wedding/joint account each paycheck. This way its there and you see where it goes. He will be forced to start paying attention to his spending once he has less money.
But first you should sit down, maybe with a financial planner, and work out a budget for the wedding and beyond.
