Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

mls282 Posted: Jul 18, 2008 07:21 AM

Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

Ok... so I need some advice. (sorry so long) FH's parents are currently in the middle of a what will now be 4 year gruesome divorce battle. FMIL has already stated to me on numerous occassions that she can't even be in the same room or stand the sight of him. I have spoken to her and written her emails explaining what an important day this is for all of us and how I understand how hard things are for them but if they could put that aside for one day as that would really mean a lot to FH and I. She has said she understands and that she would like to put that aside but can not considering the circumstance. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is like a grown child and she does NOT keep thoughts to herself. I do not seeing her keeping quiet. If she is anything like she was at the engagement party the second guests arrrived she ran off and was drinking and doing shots ( he was not there). I just know how she is and I just forsee it getting UGLY. FH's dad is more likely to be quiet about it and try to put things aside but I have a pretty good feeling she is going to make a scene. I was thinking of trying to assign someone to keep an eye on her... but I don't know of a single person (including myself who would be able control this women except maybe FH.

#1 What the heck do I do??? If I don't so something it will most likely turn into an episode of Jerry Springer (especially once she gets drunk!)

#2 What do you do about entrance into the reception? There is NO way they can even walk in together and neither them have a new partner (or are allowed to bring a date)

Please help!! (sorry so long!!!)

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JoanneAndJustin Posted: Jul 18, 2008 09:22 AM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

I have a feeling something along these lines may happen at my own wedding. FHs mom and dad have been divorced for YEARS... but I get the feeling it didn't go well, and they haven't seen each other in about 10 years or so.

My solution can she walk down with an FHs uncle or FHs grandfather? And FHs dad can do the same? walk down with a FHs aunt or grandmother?

As to how to keep her away from the drinks... can you assign her to do things throughout the reception? Keep her busy and occupied? 'FMIL I'd love it if you can check with the DJ and....' Have a lot of people ask her to dance? It's YOUR wedding day... you shouldn't be the one to look after her...

If she can't act like an adult and put her feelings aside for one day is un-inviting her to the reception an option? I realize it may not be... Maybe FH should talk to her... in this case you shouldn't be the middle man.

EsquireBride Posted: Jul 18, 2008 09:46 AM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

Perhaps a manager from CLM can sort of be 'around' and keep an eye on her. If she starts to get drunk and out of hand, he can pull her out of the room so at least you don't have to deal with it. Or perhaps you and FH can assign a friend to do this job, someone who understands the situation.

lilpiggy742 Posted: Jul 18, 2008 09:56 AM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

my parents are seperated and im having the same issue with my mom. Here's what i'm doing..

Im having them walk in seperate so it is known they are not 'mr and mrs' this includes the invitation wording im saying the parents of..instead of mr and mrs.

second, my mom is an alcohlic and it has been made CRYSTAL CLEAR that if she drinks at all, a cab will be called and she will be put in it to go home. I will not have her embarrass me in front of everyone on my wedding day. So i would do that, yes she may feel hurt, but do you want her making a fool out of you in front of your family and frineds?

lauraandrob2009 Posted: Jul 18, 2008 02:56 PM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

I like the ideas of the other posts especially about having someone from the reception hall keep an eye out on things....My close friend had a similar situation happen at her wedding with her husband's parents. They ended up not having a traditional entrance. Only the bride and groom were announced. They had them sit really far away from one another and one of the reception attendants was told about the situation in case anything developed so the bride and groom wouldn't have to be included in settling anything. They behaved. I'm sure it's hard but try your best to remove yourself from the situation in terms of worrying about it. If any 'scene' is made, they are the ones who will look stupid. Everyone will be on your side to make sure you are having a good time. Sorry you have to deal with this. People can be so self absorbed. Just remember, it is your day.

carolinebr Posted: Jul 18, 2008 03:03 PM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

WAIT. Do nothing or it will just drag out the drama.

Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding. Then you tell her she is invited to the rehearsal dinner on a trial basis. Tell her if she BEHAVES, she can come to the wedding, IF she does NOT, she will be asked not to attend.

BAL5-9-05 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:03 PM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

Posted by carolinebr

WAIT. Do nothing or it will just drag out the drama.

Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding. Then you tell her she is invited to the rehearsal dinner on a trial basis. Tell her if she BEHAVES, she can come to the wedding, IF she does NOT, she will be asked not to attend.

I really like that idea! Ditto...even though there are no guarantees....

mls282 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:52 PM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

Hi Everyone! Thanks for the advice. Uninviting her is not even an option. FH's entire family wouldn't come and FH would be unhappy. I just could never do that. That being said if she starts acting up at the wedding then 'Yes, FH, I and her family will understandly agree if she needs to be given a taxi ride home'. So I guess I am going to have to just wait and see. I will talk to them both about it with FH seperately before the wedding and explain that if certain behaviors occur then they are going to asked to leave/escorted out.

As for the how are they going to walk in its still complicated. I can't not announce the parents b/c its not fair to my parents who want to be announced. And I can't announce mine and not his. So I might just have them each walk in alone. If I have someon escort them in do we need to annoucne the person that escorts them in?? If not then maybe I can just have a friend or family member walk them in. Maybe I will see what the MC suggests as I am sure this is not the first time they have encountered this.

Thanks!

ace730 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 01:56 PM

Re: Need Advice: Preventing my wedding from turning into an episode of Jerry Springer!!!

You said that FH is the only one that could really keep her in line, is there anyway he could take her out to dinner (just the two fo them) and try to tactfully discuss your fears?