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Need advice.. really long HELP!!

NotNice Posted:

Need advice.. really long HELP!!

Hi,
So what I need some advice on is what to do about one of my BMs. This is obviously a fake name, and I have already gotten married 2 months ago. I had someone I had known for 20 years as a BM. Through the years, we have had our ups and downs, but I always figured we would be freinds. Everyone we have known from HS no longer speaks to her, because she is drama ridden and has no feeling what so ever. In fact, everyone yelled at me and called me stupid for having her as a BM. But I felt I should have her anyway, all the while knowing she would cause some drama right before my big day.
Sure enough, 4 days before my wedding, she decided she wanted to bring a date to my wedding. I told her yes, however there was no room at the bp table, so either he would have to sit at the next table, or both of them could sit at the next table. She wanted me to rearrange my bp tables so he could fit and make 3 tables instead of 2, but it was 4 days before my wedding and I wasn't going to do that at that point in time. At the rehersal dinner, she pulled my best freind (who she didn't know) aside and bad mouthed me to her, saying I was trying to control her bringing someone.
Anyway, as I said earlier, I was prepared for that, cause she starts drama if the attention is not on her. So now, someone I had known for 20 years, in my bridal party, the only one who still talks to her, and she did NOT give a gift or even a card. It has been 2 months. It is not that she can;t afford the gift, cause her parents both still give her allowance... which is her rent and half her car payment per month. But even if she couldn't afford a gift it wouldn't matter, but where is the card or even the congratulations. Cause she didn't even say that.
My friends have said this is a small price to pay for finally realizing what she has thought of the freindship. And, to top it all off, everyone said I told you not to have her. And all along, I knew in the back of my mind, I shouldn't have, but a part of me had wanted to.
So what would you guys do? Do I edit her out of the pictures if possible, do I confront her? Do I forget about everything? What would you do
mtdr1106 Posted:

Re: Need advice.. really long HELP!!

are you bold enough to confront her?

i feel like if you are even debating that point of confrontation - you are not emotionally prepared to check out of the friendship. one friendship i let die - i just knew it was time to die - i didnt even feel like picking up the phone to have the final say in our arguement - it was just easier to write her off. the straw that broke my back.

if you have the nerve to confront her - i would. simply say - hey i hate to call you but - i think your card got lost @ the wedding - i never received it. - i would play dumb and see what she says.

as for airbrushing people out of pics - i dunno - i would never do it. i feel like its strange to block a person out of your day that was really there - especially a BM. but you do what you need to do.

feel better
NotNice Posted:

Re: Need advice.. really long HELP!!

It isn't that I am not bold enough to confront her. I really do think she has no feeling what so ever, so anything I said would go in one ear and out the other. I am glad though that I finally woke up.

waterspout4 Posted:

Re: Need advice.. really long HELP!!

I say let the friendship die. I did this with a girl that dropped out of my wedding, 6 weeks before the wedding, BY EMAIL!!! Then she demanded the money back for her dress. I thought I would kill her.

I wouldn't change your pics. In reality, you only have a few with your BP in it anyway. Don't edit your wedding day.
seta Posted:

Re: Need advice.. really long HELP!!

do not worry about your pics...do not pay extra to airbrush her out...it is what it is and she was there, so let it go...unless there is a pic with her on the end and she can be easily cropped out...

I happen to be a confrontational person, and need to speak my mind, which is not the best at times. In this situation, your relationship is already hanging from a thread, why not call her and tell her you feel. Be completely frank and honest. Say you were hurt that she bad mouthed you at your rehearsal, and that you were very confused/upset that she did not give you a wedding gift....

I too have been in a bad way with a friend of mine...sometimes I feel like it is too much of an effort to have her in my life...but i believe there is a reason why i keep her there..because she does mean something to me...

See how your conversation goes and take it from there...

good luck!

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