I have this one 'friend' who I thought was my friend until the last couple of months. I want her in my bridal party but she's been acting so strange lately. The night I got engaged all of our friends came out to celebrate and she was the only one who didn't because she was 'tired'.
I let that go but ever since the engagement she hasn't really helped me or aksed how the wedding plans have been going. Everytime we grab dinner etc I have to hear how she's never going to get married and the whole night is basically me feeling bad because she doesn't have a boyfriend. I have tried setting her up with FH friends but she's very pickey. I honestly don't know what to do? She has been off for the last couple of months now and it's starting to annoy me because I can NEVER talk about my wedding or even be excited about it around her. Am I getting wedding crazy or do I need to just ditch her? Any advice would be great. FH tells me she's just hurt cause she's not engaged and to be patient. i have been engaged for 8 months now, how much longer until this girl is happy for me? What should I do?
HELP
jennd311
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
IMO .. I would not ask her to be a part of your wedding. You want to be surrounded by those who love and support you, and are happy for you! She sounds like a real downer, and a selfish person. Sometimes you just have to cut people out of your life. I had to discontinue a friendship with a girl I've known for 16 years, close to same situation. I was her MOH 9 years ago.
This is your time, and everyone should be showering you with happiness. If you arent getting anything out of the friendship .. well I think you have your answer
good luck, take it easy, and most of all ..
happy planning!
iBCraZ131
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Posted by Pokey4
I have this one 'friend' who I thought was my friend until the last couple of months. I want her in my bridal party but she's been acting so strange lately. The night I got engaged all of our friends came out to celebrate and she was the only one who didn't because she was 'tired'.
I let that go but ever since the engagement she hasn't really helped me or aksed how the wedding plans have been going. Everytime we grab dinner etc I have to hear how she's never going to get married and the whole night is basically me feeling bad because she doesn't have a boyfriend. I have tried setting her up with FH friends but she's very pickey. I honestly don't know what to do? She has been off for the last couple of months now and it's starting to annoy me because I can NEVER talk about my wedding or even be excited about it around her. Am I getting wedding crazy or do I need to just ditch her? Any advice would be great. FH tells me she's just hurt cause she's not engaged and to be patient. i have been engaged for 8 months now, how much longer until this girl is happy for me? What should I do?
HELP
Wow!! Do we have the same friend???
D's Girl
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
OK IMO, you are defiantly not alone. I am sure deep down inside she is so happy for you, but sometimes when things like this happens people start to take a step back and look at their lives and where they are and kind of get on the defensive side. By all means, I am not saying it is right that she is not showing her happiness, but I have been there and know where it comes from or at least when it came from 1 of my friends.
Do not let her take your happiness away from you and do not for 2 seconds feel bad because you are happy and deserve to be.
I say Give it some time and see if things change before you make a decision. You don't want to look back and regret your actions
HTH
AlBaBride
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
I have a good friend who is like this. I always pictured her in my bridal party, but in the end I wound up not asking her. What it came down to was that I didn't want the added stress that I thought that she would bring to me on my wedding day. I just pictured her making things difficult, and for me it was more important that I am surrounded by women who support and are interested in helping to make my wedding day a beautiful and positive experience.
JIFFY
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Posted by jennd311
IMO .. I would not ask her to be a part of your wedding. You want to be surrounded by those who love and support you, and are happy for you! She sounds like a real downer, and a selfish person. Sometimes you just have to cut people out of your life. I had to discontinue a friendship with a girl I've known for 16 years, close to same situation. I was her MOH 9 years ago.
This is your time, and everyone should be showering you with happiness. If you arent getting anything out of the friendship .. well I think you have your answer
good luck, take it easy, and most of all ..
happy planning!
That was great advice Jen! I had the same thing happen to me. My so called best friend of 30 years was so unhappy that I got engaged. I understood bc it meant we didn't do many single things we used to do. Then one day we got into an argument and I decided that the 30 year friendship just wasn't worth it. I cut her loose. I haven't spoken to her and don't plan to ever again.
I realized that she didn't enhance my life or add anything to it. Not only did I stop my friendship with her, I also ended friendships with 4 other people that I have known 25+ years. And can I tell you....I have never been happier! And I have reaquainted myself with old friends who I didn't keep in touch with and all of us have a blast.
onelove1
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Thanks for the advice. . I'm torn because I feel bad on one hand but on the other hand it's not my fault that I got engaged. I knew the night we got engaged that she didn't come out because she was jealous or hurt, but I would of went if that was me. I don't want her to ruin my day with jealousy written on her face either but I have to not feel bad I guess. I try and go out with her here and there but it's the remarks at the end of the night like 'this ***** I'm never going to meet anyone out' . I'm angry at it but feel bad at the same time. It's annoying and I'm sorry to vent like this but should I just stop calling her and stop feeling bad?
nycgirl79
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, but please know that you really are not alone in this. The best advice I can give is do NOT ask her to be in your wedding. I asked a 'friend' to be a bridesmaid and now I'm thinking of ways to un-ask her - VERY sticky. You can always ask her to do a reading, or give her a corsage or something if you really want her to feel included....
MJDoc12
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
unfortunately...until your friend finds either 1) her own self-worth or 2)a man to fill her void....she will never be truly happy for you. (since that's how she's coming off in your post).
if she was in a restaurant waiting for a table, they'd call ' BITTER, party of 1, BITTER party of 1, you're table is ready!'
IMHO--do NOT i repeat.....do NOT ask her into your BP. i promise you, that you will wind up with trouble if you do this. misery loves company, and i bet she will make your other BM's and MOH's lives a living hell in the planning of your shower, BP party, and fittings.
good luck!
rojerono
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Unless I am reading wrong, it doesn't sound like you have really gotten to sit down with her and tell her how YOU feel.
I mean... you are obviously WELL aware of her feelings - she has shown you that she is bitter, resentful, sad, jealous and lonely. She doesn't make that a secret.
This is SUCH an exciting time for you! And you DESERVE to be happy and you should not let ANYONE make you feel guilty for that happiness... but I would ask you to remember that this person obviously means something to you if you wanted her in your bridal party to begin with. She obviously has some good qualities that you find appealing - which is why you chose her as a friend to start with. And as much as you might want her to be as happy and as excited as you are... she clearly has something else going on in her life. I don't think it is about you - and I doubt it is because she doesn't want you to be happy.
Don't ditch her just because she has hit a low patch in her self worth. I mean... that's almost like kicking someone when they are already down. Try to keep in mind that as happy as you are, your friend is in considerable pain.
NOW... that does not mean that you need to put up with limitless abuse or sad sack behavior. But I think you ought to chat with her. Invite her out and sit down with her and say 'Listen, I love you to death, but I just feel like something has gone wonky with our relationship since I got engaged....' Lay it out and have an adult conversation. She might not even REALIZE how she is effecting you. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own emotion they just forget how much it can impact those around them!
If she is a true friend she will have a heart to heart with you and make a good attempt to modify her behavior to some extent.
Give her the chance to hear you and to understand what you are feeling!
I hope it works out!
HamptonsBride
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Well as a bride who is the LAST of her friends to get engaged let me try and maybe shed some light here(we're talking they all have 2 or more kids by now and are celevrating 5 year anniversaries...haha) It was tough watching everyone else's dreams come true while I sat out on the sidelines. Beleive me I was soooo happy for all of them...and was happy to share in their joy. But it just made me realize how lonely and sad I was at times. And yes, they all tried to set me up with this one & that one, which sometimes just made it worse because i wasn't interested in any of them. It's also tough because your friends are now sucked into the abyss of fiances and wedding planning and you may not do the 'girls night out' kind of things you had time to do together before you got engaged.
I am not saying that she has a right to be acting weird, I am just trying to help shed some light as to perhaps why...I would sit & tell her how much she means to you as a friend and that you'd like her to be an important part of your day, but that if she thinks she's not up for it that that is ok too...and just knowing she'll be there to celebrate will bring you joy.
Man, this just made me realize how happy I finally am!!!
bellaro782
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
YOU ARE NOT ALONE......
thelastresort
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Don't do it. My BM is getting married next month and had to ask one of her 'best friends' if you will to step down from the bridal party b/c she refused to participate in anything wedding related b/c it 'depressed' her and made her feel lonelier then she is. She told her she didn't want to hear/know anything about her wedding b/c it was annoying. Then don't be a bridesmaid ya crazy b!tch! So after agonizing over this for months, my friend finally just told her SHE was the cause of her pre-wedding stress and it was better if she came as a guest. I guess we'll see if she even shows at the wedding. Save yourself the headache.
onelove1
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Re: NEED ADVICE. . Sorry long
Thanks so much guys for all the advice and for making me laugh LOL I needed that.
She is a good person and I know that I was once in her shoes. .believe me I shed a few tears here and there so I feel for her and try to do what's best to still be the fun engaged friend. I have been engaged 8 months now and she is just so miserable all the time. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens but my heart says don't put her in the BP. As sad as I'll be I just don't want to worry about her not wanting to be apart of my day, the shower, etc.
Us LIW girls should all be thankful that we don't have to be 'that friend' who's bitter and jealous of the friend that's engaged. Thanks again for all the advice I'll let you know the outcome as I make the final decision.
