Need advice-Sorry very long

Michy Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:10 PM

Need advice-Sorry very long

Here is my problem:
Fh has a half sister that is in her mid-forties. I have met her ONCE in all the years I have known him for. She lives in the city and always demands my FFIL to go and see her and never wants to come out. She did not even come to my engagement. SO when it came time to pick my bridal party I was not going to add her b/c I have maybe said two words to her and I already had everything even and included FH brother's girlfriend in my BP since I see her all the time. Well apparently his sister is mad and doesn't even acknowledge us. I felt bad so I told FH to make her a reader b/c I do want her involved. Fh is upset at her b/c she has never made an attempt to be close to him or his brother and she was able to drive out here plenty of times to see them when they did not even have their license.

I discussed with FH today that he should call her and ask her to be a reader and maybe come out one weekend and I will take her dress shopping and get to know her more. Do you think that we should even bother considering she doesn't even call us. FH is pessimistic about asking her because he feels he is always being the bigger person but I think if we try than this might open up a better communication system. What should we do?Sorry so long

StarryEyedBride Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:15 PM

Re: Need advice-Sorry very long

My take on this is you have nothing to lose, so why not call? Maybe ask her out to lunch/dinner and over dinner ask her to be the reader. It would be a nice way to include her without really having to rely on her. Also, if you are comfortable, tell her she's not a part of the party bc of the inconvience of it not being close to her. Play it off like that. It coldn't hurt. The only thing you could gain is a better relationship!

luvabul Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:24 PM

Re: Need advice-Sorry very long

well did she have a nice legitimate excuse not to come to your engagment, if she makes no effort at all, and you barely know her or see her...than honestly whats to feel bad?? did she wish u guys well, send a card for ur engagment??

if not, than shes stupid for even thinking she would be in the bridal party or given a close significant role in the wedding, other than being a GUEST

sorry if i sound harsh!, had a bad day...and frustrated with how people act to begin with!

u can offer her a day out and get to know her...but other than that i would NOT bend over backwards for her , JMO

Jennifer907 Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:25 PM

Re: Need advice-Sorry very long

I agree. It's always better to be the bigger person and in cases like this, you really have nothing to lose. Make the first move and try to build a relationship.

portjeffbride Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:27 PM

Re: Need advice-Sorry very long

I dunno.... JMO but I don't think anyone should be rewarded with becoming a part of the bridal party by sulking and being difficult. It cheapens the whole role of BM....

if she wants to be close to you, she would have made more of an effort over the years.... she didn't. she's likely carrying on right now becuase her being absent from the bridal party is symbolic of her alienation from the rest of the family.

So, from my perspective, it likely is only self-importance and selfishness that is driving her desire to become a BM.... And letting her become a reader would feed the selfishness much like inviting her to be a BM...

Michy Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:31 PM

Re: Need advice-Sorry very long

She just never came to our engagement for whatever reason and she has even gone as far as not even calling FH to ask him how everything is. He has gotten really mad in the past b/c she never even sent us a card and never replied on our wedding website even after my FMIL and FFIL told her about it. I guess I just want to make peace and the fact that he is not close to any of his other family members to have them as readers because they all live far away and he never had the opportunity to grow up with them so this would be the best result.

SN2BMRSBURTE Posted: Mar 31, 2007 10:33 PM

Re: Need advice-Sorry very long

Posted by StarryEyedBride

My take on this is you have nothing to lose, so why not call? Maybe ask her out to lunch/dinner and over dinner ask her to be the reader. It would be a nice way to include her without really having to rely on her. Also, if you are comfortable, tell her she's not a part of the party bc of the inconvience of it not being close to her. Play it off like that. It coldn't hurt. The only thing you could gain is a better relationship!

I agree!
Good Luck!