Need advice...a little freak out...

Am I expected to pay/plan a shower where I'm the MOH if my MOH isn't doing it for me?

Situation is: My MOH is getting married in October 2010, three months after us; I am also her MOH.

I am extremely thankful to be having two showers, one being thrown by an aunt on LI and one by an aunt in Florida. I expect my bridesmaids and MOH to contribute ideas, etc. but not expecting them to contribute any money.

MOH is from VA and will be having a shower there, another in MD (where her FH's family is from), and her mother just told me that she'd like 'the NYC girls to do something for her as well.'

I'm freaking out a bit because I'm not asking her to contribute financially to my shower...she isn't from the NY area but has lived here for many years so I can understand that she wants a shower here but do I need to pay for it?!? None of her other bridesmaids live in NYC so its not like I can split it....

Of course on top of this, her showers will most probably be right before or right after our wedding, making things even worse.

Need advice---I guess I need to talk to her first and see what she is expecting...but do you guys think I need to be doing this? Ugh...knots in my stomach.

I would talk to her mother and find out what she meant by that comment. 3 showers is ALOT. Let her know you're getting married 3 months prior and dont think you can swing paying for an entire shower on your own.

I'm with Colleen. talk to her and her mom, she might want in the end is to have some dinner/brunch type of thing w/some of her NYC friends, her mom might have misunderstood or didnt explain herself well

Kinda seems too much to have so many showers and expect u to pay for one of them all by urself.
I dont know the whole story but to me it sounds a bit too greedy

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Posted by SummerBride10

I would talk to her mother and find out what she meant by that comment. 3 showers is ALOT. Let her know you're getting married 3 months prior and dont think you can swing paying for an entire shower on your own.

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i agree...maybe you can just do a lunch or dinner with her close NYC friends? good luck!!!

i would talk to her...

are there any bm? i was under the impression that they usually split the shower..maybe do something small?

i know im having 2-1 in texas and 1 here, so its making the 1 here smaller than what it would be...im guessing that after having the other 2 this one would be smaller by default

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Posted by dCa51899

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Posted by SummerBride10

I would talk to her mother and find out what she meant by that comment. 3 showers is ALOT. Let her know you're getting married 3 months prior and dont think you can swing paying for an entire shower on your own.

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i agree...maybe you can just do a lunch or dinner with her close NYC friends? good luck!!!

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I agree. Can you do a group dinner or brunch and then each girl splits the bill and pays for the bride?

sounds like you could def do a low-key shower- like a brunch or apps or cocktail party or something at someones house. since it would be her third, i dont think you would be expected to do anything crazy or expensive...

Thank you guys...I've always been a little afraid of MOH's mom so I am nervous about bringing it up with her.

I think I will bring up the subject with MOH this weekend, but not refer to her mom's e-mail. I agree that worst case, I can offer to host at my apartment.

Thanks again for your advice!

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Posted by rdubs

Thank you guys...I've always been a little afraid of MOH's mom so I am nervous about bringing it up with her.

I think I will bring up the subject with MOH this weekend, but not refer to her mom's e-mail. I agree that worst case, I can offer to host at my apartment.

Thanks again for your advice!

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I was also going to suggest maybe just offering to do something low key in your apartment and inviting some of her other friends who would be attending and see if they can pitch in with some of the costs - a cake, drinks, etc. I think if its just a small shower with a few friends you really don't have to go overboard. If you're going to the other showers and bringing gifts etc though then I would say you are really not obligated to do both.