Need advice...(kinda long)

I don’t even know where to begin!

I have been friends with this girl since I was 15 years old (almost 15 years) and we have had a very dysfunctional friendship. She has done so many terrible things to me throughout the years, but yet we have remained friends due to my stupid loyalty. Her own family has asked me how and why I have remained friends with her!!

Just to give you an example of her great friendship to me…She told me that she thinks my nephew is going to be gay…hello??? He’s 1 1/2 years old!!! She has cursed at my mother, borrowed money and not returned it until 3 years later!!! Worst of all… my dad, who was 71 at the time, was in the hospital in ICU-critical conditional for 2 weeks…I was crying and went to her for support…she actually turned around and said “well he’s old”!! I can go on and on! She’s gotten fired from 6 SIX, consecutive jobs and can’t even have a relationship for more than 1 month! I also found out she was talking about me behind my back!

She started dating this guy a year ago…so I KNEW this was my only way out…I slowly started putting distance between us until eventually we stopped talking.

Well her sister e-mailed me last week to tell me that her boyfriend broke up with her…I just got another e-mail today from her sister asking me to “call this friend cause I am the only one who can handle her and she really needs a friend right now…good friends are hard to come by”.

I do NOT want her in my life again…but I fell like a terrible person turning away someone I cared about. What do I do??????

No, you're not a terrible person. It's obvious that she isn't a good friend to you, so you shouldn't be to her (although I don't think it matters what the sexual orientation of your nephew will be-I'm sure he will be a wonderful person no matter what )

Both DH and I have each had one of these friends. And, it took time but we both rid ourselves of these people (him last year, me 5 years ago), and we're both much happier.

I'd let her sister know that you are sorry but that there is so much distance between the two of you now that you don't feel this is something you can take on at this time.

I dont even know what to say. You have been such a great person to this girl, but it doesnt make up for what she has done to you.

You need to listen to your heart and do what is best for you.

She cant treat you like this and maybe she'll learn that when you treat someone so bad they dont want to be your friend, and when you really need them they wont be there.

As hard as I am sure it is to turn your back on someone in need this one incident just wont make all the hurt she has done to you go away.

Maybe email the girls sister and tell her listen as much as i would love to be there for her, i just cant. she has caused me a lot of pain and heartache and i just cant talk to her right now.

It doesn't sound like she was a good friend to you. Her sister shouldn't be expecting you to cheer her up. Why doesn't she cheer her up herself?
I know you have a heart and feel bad but if you call her, you will have her back in your life. Is she someone you really want in your life?

Thanks guys!!!

I just needed to hear it from someone else...The guilt was getting to me.

-July your right...it doesn't matter what his sexual prefference may be...I have guy family members so I think she was just trying to be nasty.

Thanks again!

I have a friend like this that I finally removed from my life. I learned from a lot of ladies on here that she was a toxic friend..toxic friendship. I am fine without her in my life but I still talk to her brother.

He told me the other day she has no friends where she moved to and she could really use my friendship right about now. Although I felt bad at first, I realized what I went through to get her out of my life and I am fine without her..why go through this again. She didnt see how precious our friendship was before, why should I show her yet once again??

I say ignore it. Do not get involved again. Everyone knows how easy it is to be ****ed in again especially if you are a good person which you sound like you are. She obviously has a sister and this may sound harsh but when she realizes that no one is there for her, maybe she will change her ways. Friendships go both ways..I usually am always the giver and never the receiver...I have realized that if it is not a 2 way street, then I dont need the friendship in the first place.

Good luck!

no you are not a horrible person, you are a caring person for putting up with her for so long... I would say be happy that you distanced yourself from her and stay away

I can totally relate.

While it's so easy for us all to say 'keep her out of your life, you deserve better,' I know from experience how hard it is to do that when you have such a life-long friendship and history with someone.

I lost a friendship like this myself recently. We were more than best friends. We were sisters at heart.

I go back and forth in my mind all the time about whether or not I should contact her and see if we can work things out. I suppose it's because you think about how it USED to be when the friendship was good and healthy. Then I remind myself of all the nasty and selfish things she has done. That's what keeps me from trying to reconcile it.

So it's not really black and white. It's not just being able to say, 'I don't need her in my life.' I think you need to remember how much you gave, and how little you received in return. That way you won't feel as guilty by keeping your distance.

FM me if you need to chat.