Need An Opinion...

debnkeith Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:09 PM

Need An Opinion...

One of my BM called me the other day, and told me that she can't be in my bridal party, because she is pregnant. By the time my wedding comes, she will have already given birth, and the baby will be 2 1/2 months old. For starters, I am disappointed. Second, I feel she could have told me sooner, being that she committed to being in my bridal party over 6 months ago. I feel that since the baby will be 2 1/2 months old, she could have remained in my wedding party if our friendship was important to her. This is a friend that I've known for many years. We have gone away together every summer for several years. I asked her, because I felt that we were close enough. I just want to hear everyones feedback. Thanks...

gtsgirl Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:13 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

I understand that you would be disapointed about her backing out but its a personal decision on being a bridesmaid..some people feel nothing else will come between that honor and other people dont put as much value in it. Sorry your going through that

cranesgirl25 Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:14 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

well i feel that people cannot put thier lives on hold because you are getting married, no offense, and although the baby will be 2 1/2 mo. old, its reallly hard to be a new mom without having to worry about someone elses special day, but i do understand she is your best friend, and although im going to be a bride myself and i have a best friend who is the flakiest girl i know, i know enough not to put all my eggs in the same basket with certain people.
on your day while your gleaming with joy she will probably be kranky and sleep deprived so i dont think you would want her to be part of the wedding party anyway. but good luck and i do feel you.

debnkeith Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:45 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

It isn't about her putting her life on hold. All I know, is that when I commit to something, I don't turn back on my word. I booked a limo based on the amount of girls in my bridal party, and my FH and I went with an extra one just to give everyone room. I was also 2 days away from ordering the bridal party gifts, and flowers for the girls (I'm glad I haden't done that). The other thing is, I've never known this person to be 'flaky'. In fact, I thought she was far from flaky. She knew earlier that she wasen't going to be in my party, but held off on telling me. It's only common courtesy to tell the person ASAP, especially when you know that they are planning a wedding, and investing a lot time and money into everything. Then to top it all off, she said that she would 'try' to make the reception. Meanwhile her wedding was just a few weeks ago, so you would think that she could understand. I just feel very hurt.

DebMaher Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:48 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

See, and I know you are feeling upset, so I am not sure you really want my 'honest' opinion now...but I think she is doing you a favor. You a re depending on this person to do certain things for you and be there for you and if having a newborn and all the time constraints that go with it will prevent her from being able to do all you need, maybe this really is a favor in disguise. Do you really want her hanging around with the baby screaming while you are getting ready? I just think that you have enough time to plan and her delay suggests to me (alhtough of course I don;t know either of you) that she really rangled with this decision. Please don;t let it interrupt the joy of your wonderfdul day though.

DebMaher Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

Also, I just noticed that your wedding is in June! That means she really is telling you AS soon as she could -- she is only like 6-8 weeks pregnant now and is probably telling you before telling everyone to save you the trouble.

cranesgirl25 Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

daaang!! listen, i know how you feel, because i fear my best friend is going to rsvp she can come and then not show at the last minute and my guy and i are footing a steep per head amount, so im just waiting to see what happens. so i do understand, but maybe she held off telling you because she knew you would freak out, talk to her and find out why.

debnkeith Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:51 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

Thanks... I'll get over it I'm sure. I just can't help but feel differently towards her.

DebMaher Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:52 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

Don;t -- it will detract from your special day, and you are a BRIDE, you deserve only happiness!

debnkeith Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:53 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

Now without her in the party, the numbers are uneven. We have an extra guy. I was thinking of maybe having two of the guys walk down with one girl.

gtsgirl Posted: Sep 20, 2004 04:55 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

I'm having two guys walk down with one girl...

cranesgirl25 Posted: Sep 20, 2004 05:01 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

Posted by DebMaher

See, and I know you are feeling upset, so I am not sure you really want my 'honest' opinion now...but I think she is doing you a favor. You a re depending on this person to do certain things for you and be there for you and if having a newborn and all the time constraints that go with it will prevent her from being able to do all you need, maybe this really is a favor in disguise. Do you really want her hanging around with the baby screaming while you are getting ready? I just think that you have enough time to plan and her delay suggests to me (alhtough of course I don;t know either of you) that she really rangled with this decision. Please don;t let it interrupt the joy of your wonderfdul day though.

i absolutely agree.

p.s. is there another girlfriend you can ask?

debnkeith Posted: Sep 20, 2004 05:08 PM

Re: Need An Opinion...

There is really nobody else that I would ask. I suppose if I just wanted to ask someone to fill in, I could do it, but I don't want it to be that way. There is really no one else that I'm that close with.