need ceremony advice from catholic brides

FH and I are an interfaith couple– FH is Catholic and my parents are Catholic and Jewish, I celebrate both holidays but I'm not a religious person. As a compromise, we're getting married at our hall but we're getting married by a deacon who's a family friend of FH and it will be recognized by the church FH grew up in.

All along I've been under the impression that we were going to have a balanced ceremony, some religion for FH and other things for me (maybe hand ceremony, friend reading a poem, a bible reading, etc). We met with the deacon yesterday to discusss everything in detail and apparently the ceremony has a strict format, with readings already chosen and I'm really upset. It's my fault for not confirming what I wanted earlier but now I don't know what to do because I don't even know what the rules are, I'm not familiar with the bible readings or how things can be changed. I guess my question to you girls is, are you able to pick your own readings? Do there have to be three? One the deacon selected is from the Gospel I think and I believe it requires the guests to answer back and forth. Does there have to be one with 'audience participation'? Can I even do the hand ceremony if I wanted to? I'm really uncomfortable and stressed, please need advice

Yes, you should get to choose your own readings -- usually the Gospel is chosen in conjunction with the priest or deacon officiating, but the old testament readings you should get to choose.

As for the 'back and forth' - that's not the gospel. That is the prayer of the faithful. It's where you offer up prays for different intentions and usually all the audience says is 'We pray to the Lord' or something along those lines.

That is different from the Gospel, which will be read by the deacon or priest.

Hope that helps. Your deacon should work with you to customize your ceremony how you want it -- but a Catholic ceremony (even outside a mass) will usually have two old testament readings, a gospel reading, and the prayer of the faithful.

You should be able to add in any other readings you would like, though... I am planning on having the Irish Wedding Blessing read at my wedding, though we haven't gone over this with the priest yet.

Good luck. If you sit down to talk to the deacon, perhaps he will allow you to customize it some. It shouldn't be all his choice.

I've never heard of a catholic wedding where the readings are already chosen. The couple is supposed to meet with the priest and choose two readings (one Old Testament, one New Testament) and a Gospel reading.

Now, since your having a deacon perform the ceremony outside the church, maybe this is how he does it??? I'm surprised though!

There is always a gospel reading. As for the responses, like mentioned above that is another part of the ceremony, but guests don't HAVE to respond if they don't want to or don't feel comfortable.

I believe you should be able to still have the hand ceremony or whatever else you want.

At precana, we got a book 'together for life' which has all the reading and gospel selections.... from that book, we got to choose one old and one new testemant, along with prayers, and the gospel reading (which does require a guest response).

As for the hand ceremony... along with the unity candle and sand ceremonies, it's not Catholic.... they're all secular ceremonies. BUT most churches/officiants will allow one. It is very common to have one tacked on... but it is at the discression of the officiant / church. They don't HAVE to allow it....

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Posted by MrsQ-in2007

I've never heard of a catholic wedding where the readings are already chosen. The couple is supposed to meet with the priest and choose two readings (one Old Testament, one New Testament) and a Gospel reading.

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D'oh - that's what I meant, one old, one new, not two old testament readings. Duh.

Our deacon gave us the Together for Life book at our first meeting, so we could look it over to select our readings.

We chose our own reading one from the new testament and one from old testament. and we picked the gospel

None of our reading have audience participation. so I dont know what that is all about.

I would strongly suggest you sit with the deacon again and see what you can do about the things you want to add or remove

good luck I hope all goes well

Hey Katie!

Just another thing for you to consider, if you can't structure the ceremony the way you'd like ...

You could incorporate some Jewish traditions into the reception .... blessing over the challah and wine, lighting the candles to welcome Shabbat, etc.

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Posted by angelover02740

We chose our own reading one from the new testament and one from old testament. and we picked the gospel

None of our reading have audience participation. so I dont know what that is all about.

I would strongly suggest you sit with the deacon again and see what you can do about the things you want to add or remove

good luck I hope all goes well

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By 'audience participation' I believe she is talking about the prayer of the faithful (otherwise known as the responsorial psalm). It requires a response (usually something like 'we pray to the Lord') from the congregation for each petition.

I'm not 100% sure we have one since we are not having a mass, but I think we do. (We're having a Catholic ceremony, but no mass because my FI is not Catholic and neither are his family and most of our friends)

Hi Katie,

We had a Deacon and we were a loud to pick our readings. You should sit down and talk with him. If this is going to be uncomfortable for you & FH and you families, then I would think he would work with you two to customize your cermony. I think you should just call him and tell him that things need to be changed a little and that you are uncomfortable about it. GL!

I hope everything is going well with you wedding. It's right around the corner!

Jen

I am also getting married in a church. We are meeting the Priest for the first time next week to discuss FOCCUS, pre-cana, other paperwork and all that stuff.

Since I'm only doing a ceremony (no mass), am I supposed to be involved with these readings? Do I have to pick one? I am not religious at all - if I could, I'd get married at the reception hall but my parents are uber religious and won't budge on me not getting married by the Catholic Church.