Need help

Ok i am not a poet... but my parents and Inlaws are plannign a30th party for me and my DH..( our birthdays are 30 days apart)so i wrote this poem ... I will take all suggestions...


Thirty years ago in two different places
We welcomed a girl and boy to smiling faces
Twenty four years later the Girl and the Boy met in a pure act of fate
Now that they are thirty please come help us celebrate

Jenn knows all the details, but please do not snitch,
We want to surprise the **** out of Mitch

I like it .
It's cute!!

very cathchy

I think it's great!!!

but what about changing the last line a bit? I think this reads a little more smoothly.

Thirty years ago in two different places
We welcomed a girl and boy to smiling faces
Twenty four years later the Girl and the Boy met in a pure act of fate
Now that they're thirty, please help us celebrate

I think it's GREAT! I love it!!

However, I think since you mention the girl and the boy... you can shorten the 3rd line to read:

Thirty years ago in two different places
We welcomed a girl and boy to smiling faces
Twenty four years later they met in a pure act of fate
Now that they're thirty, please help us celebrate (Christine, this works! )

JMO! Either way I love it!

thats does sound better...

Jenn ... love your idea ... worked on it a little b/c I'm bored today!

A long time ago, came a girl & a boy
They were born in two different places.
Each to their own family, a bundle of joy
Both were welcomed by smiling faces.

Later they met, it took 24 years,
Some people would say it was fate!
Now their birthdays draw near and it's certainly clear
It's time to CELEBRATE!!

PS ... definitely leave the end .. I love that part the best!!!

Christine!!! That's GREAT!!!

OH MY I love it!!!! I am totally going to leave the last part...

THANKS