need help ...long.. using a fake name .. please read

good morning ladies.. well im coming to you ladies under a fake account for obvious reasons.. i need some help, advice, words of wisdom.. i have been married for a few months already and well things are not going to well... here is whats wrong:

1.. he is always out and about working , doing things for others.. its like when he gets a chance to be home with me he does not want to

2. when he does get home at night from work .. he doesnt even say two words to me .. i get a kiss hello... and thats sometimes if not i have to ask for one .. then he sits infront of the tv and falls asleep

3. he never calls me during the day .. and if i call him its like .. what hurry up .. i gotta go .. never has a second to devote to me ...

4.... i feel like im a desperate house wife .. all i do is work go home, cook, bring him dinner, clean do laundry .. and i get nothing out of it...

5. and SEX.. well thats pretty much non existant ... (sp) let me see maybe 2 times a month if i am lucky.. and thats what hurts most that i can be throwing my self at him and he's like come on im trying to watch tv.. thats like a girl telling a guy he carrys a small package..

6. i feel like he never has time for me.. nor does he have time to talk to me.. he can talk for hours with others but when it comes time for me he cant be bothered...

and yes ive tried talking to him and it goes in one ear and out the other... nothing changes... i see so many pics of girls who got married and i say .. you see they have that spark.. you can tell the love .. but i dont feel that way with us..

what should i do ??? counseling ?? im not sure. im in tears at work...

First off, breathe and try to relax!

Secondly, communication is key here. I know you wrote that you've attempted and it goes in one ear and out the other. I would suggest that you become adamant that you talk. Turn the TV off, make him look at you when you talk, so that you know he's paying attention and put it all out on the table. Tell him exactly what you're telling us - that's your unhappy, dissatisfied, and want to make this marriage work, but that marriage is a TEAM effort and he needs to put in more time and energy to YOU and YOUR MAARRIAGE.

If that doesn't work, spell it out to him that you want to see a counselor. It's not shameful to find someone to talk your issues out to. Some of us who recently married did so, and it helped us to communicate better with our SO.

In the mean time, we're all here to help!

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Posted by ewickens

First off, breathe and try to relax!

Secondly, communication is key here. I know you wrote that you've attempted and it goes in one ear and out the other. I would suggest that you become adamant that you talk. Turn the TV off, make him look at you when you talk, so that you know he's paying attention and put it all out on the table. Tell him exactly what you're telling us - that's your unhappy, dissatisfied, and want to make this marriage work, but that marriage is a TEAM effort and he needs to put in more time and energy to YOU and YOUR MAARRIAGE.

If that doesn't work, spell it out to him that you want to see a counselor. It's not shameful to find someone to talk your issues out to. Some of us who recently married did so, and it helped us to communicate better with our SO.

In the mean time, we're all here to help!

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couldn't have said it better myself! We're def. here for you throughout this process!

I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time. But you do need to make him talk to you!

We are here for you!

Yup, Betsy hit the nail on the head; I'll just reiterate, communication is KEY!!!!!!!!! But you know that, you've said you've tried talking to him. I have to ask, was he always like this or is it just since you've been married?? When you talk to him try not to 'nag' him, make it more of an open-dialogue discussion. Ask him what's bothering him, what's changed, why he's behaving the way he is. If he won't share with you then I think you 2 should def go to couple's counseling, but that'll never happen unless he realizes and accepts that there's a problem and is willing to work on it.

Hope that helps!! Good luck and remember, we're here anytime you need us!!

This is why they say the first year of marriage is the hardest. You are not the only one that this has happened to. Don't get discouraged, if I was you I would plan sometime away for you guys to reconnect. Explain to him how you feel but make sure it is in a non-blaming sort of way so that he doesn't get all defensive. Tell him what you need...the talking, kisses etc....
Was it like this before you got married...honestly?
If the spark was there at one point you can always get it back!

Good Luck!

I'm sorry to hear this.

What were things like before the wedding? Did you notice a difference in behavior during your engagement? Did he he change gradually or over night?

Did you live together before getting married? If you did, was he like this before? I would suggest counseling. I wouldn't make the appt and then tell him when it is. I'd tell him you want to go to counseling. To get his full attention, wait for a show to end, then turn the TV off. That way he can't say he wants to see how it ends, because he hasn't seen how it begins.

Don't go on the offensive, as that will automatically put him on the defensive. Ask him how he feels the marriage is going. Ask him what he'd like more of. Tell him you are seriously re-considering why you married him.

We will always be here for you!

Sorry you are going through this. These past nine months have been hard as well for me and DH, but we work at it everyday. Life can be so overwhelming at times, we sometimes need a break or take one another for granted. Is he having a hard time at the office?

Can you plan a small getaway? A place with no TV?????????????

You will get through this. Do not feel hopeless

Really sad to hear all of this!
I agree with some of the above. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. It seems like this is all once sided and looks like YOU are taking all the right steps. (I am assuming that he wasn't like this before the wedding).
He needs to start putting his half in!

'ewickens' and 'cindyandkevin' hit it right on - everything they said is 200% absolute. I am so sorry to hear you're going through this and i'm sending tons of hugs kisses & prayers your way You need to have a serious heart to heart with your hubby. Keep us updated on everything!!!!!!

I'm very sorry you are going through this...I hope he agrees to counseling and you two can communicate more, the good and bad things....