I don't even know where to start. There is a couple that I am good friends with. I was friends with the husband first but now I'm closer with the wife. Anyway when the husband was around 18 he had a problem with drugs ( lets call him Mike) anyway Mike straighten himself out and started doing well, when he met 'Amy'. Amy is about 10 years older then him and has always liked to drink.After dating for a couple of years they got married. And all was well for a time. Amy got pregnant after they were married for 3 months. Amy smoked and drank wine while she was pregnant (and more than one glass a day) Anyway back in January Amy knew that omething was up with Mike. He wasn't giving her any money towards bills and money was disappearing out of the bank account quickly. She was very upset and at my urging she removed the money from the account and hid some of her jewelry. Afew months later when she remembered she had her jewelry in her purse she went to return it to her jewelry box, and that's when she realized that the rest of it was missing.Also the bar across the street ( where she worked and had the key to) was buglarized. A week before giving birth ( two weeks early) the mystery was solved she caught Mike shooting heroin in thier bathroom. Needless to say she was devastated. After she caught him things got worse, he just didn't care anymore. He said he would go to counseling and get help but never did. He ended up stealing his/her mothers jewelry, robbing his uncle house and stealing from her cousin. To save him his uncle pressed charges and he was finally arrested Friday. With the hope that he will be placed in mandatory rehab. Amy has not been handling this well at all. She hasn't been alone in over 3 years. Her sister and I spent the night with her and her 2 weeks old baby on Fri night. Then her sister just stayed on Saturday. Sunday was her first night alone with the baby, and she said when he woke up at 2am she didn't even want to hold or feed him.Plus she brings him to the bar everyday. She's only eating once every three days or so. And I'm very worried about her but mostly for the baby. Her sister and I don't know what to do. She needs to take care of herself and her son. And God forbid if someone whose not a regular comes in to the bar and sees a newborn in there with his mom drinking, she could have her son taken away. How can we get this through to her with out just making her angry and pushing us away. We know this is very hard on her, but her son needs alot of love now. This girl is one of my best friends and I'm always here for whatever she needs, what should I do. I'm very worried.
m&m
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
I'm really sorry you are going through this with your friend. It sounds like she might have symptoms of postpartum depression. Maybe you can print out some information about it, and give her some info about local support groups. There is plenty of information on WebMD:
Can her mother or sister (or you) offer to take the baby for a few weeks to help her out? It sounds like she may need rehab as well, but if she does get drunk and ignore the needs of the baby, it could kill him.
ambersmom
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
Honestly, I would pull some serious tough love on her and tell her if she doesn't pull it together, then CPS will be getting a call. That is no environment for a baby and I would be concerned that she would be falling back into old habits since her world is crumbling around her. Someone has to intervene on this child's part.
jcova1019
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
It sounds like your friend needs help especially to cope with the issues surrounding her husband. Plus she has a newborn to take care of. That in itself is stressful and she's doing it alone. Friends and family need to be supportive and there to help her at this point. I would recommend counseling.
cluelessbride
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
I'd call the sister and tell her if she or someone from the family doesn't take the baby in the next four hours I'm calling CPS. That child is in danger.
cluelessbride
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
Also, maybe everyone should stop 'being there' for her and let her just fall on her a$$ so she can learn how to take care of herself. She is not the baby here, the baby is the baby and is in real trouble!
Butterflybride
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
Posted by ambersmom
Honestly, I would pull some serious tough love on her and tell her if she doesn't pull it together, then CPS will be getting a call. That is no environment for a baby and I would be concerned that she would be falling back into old habits since her world is crumbling around her. Someone has to intervene on this child's part.
I have to agree. She needs to get her act together. Perhaps she can get counseling while somebody watches the baby for her.
Kel
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
Sounds like both Mike & Amy needed help a long time ago. Mike got cleaned up, but Amy was drinking?? Then she was drinking and smoking while pregnant??!! WOW. I can't say I'm surprised she's detached from the baby now.
This is a horrible situation. But how can she expect Mike to clean up and stay that way, when she has not recognized her own problems??
Unfortunately, noone can make a person change, the person has to make that decision on their own.
btrflygrl
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Re: Need help with a sad situation.
where are either her parents or Mikes parents? Are there any family members that can help out? She is risking having her baby taken away from her if she isn't caring for him properly. Plus if she's nursing him, not eating every day is BAD for her and the baby!! That baby gets his nutrition from her.
She needs major therapy right now to learn how to deal with the emotions she has right now and then she can learn to move on. She's humiliated, hurt, damaged, post partum, lonely, and abandoned. She has every right to feel these emotions, but as you said, she has a son that needs her.
