I'm in a bit of a situation and would like your opinion being that you non-family related. (Because as you all know family opinions can stress you out!)
FH's parents are divorced and his Dad got remarried. His wife has a son who is FH (stepbrother) who got married 2 years ago. I became very close with FH stepbrothers future wife and she asked me to be in her bridal party)
So fast foward when I got engaged never got a phone call, never returned my emails and never had time to talk to me anymore after I spent a lot of money and time and effort to find out about how everything was going with her wedding plans. On her wedding night they got pregnant and I was there for all of the baby planning, spent tons of money on her baby shower and called her almost every day!
She has not called me once since FH and I got engaged and we have decided not to have them in out bridal party - I go back and forth because I know they are techincally going to be our future 'family' but they can't at least make a little effort? I'm so hurt and I really don't want to ask but we are getting grief from FH's stepmom and Dad and then to top it all off they are a little perturbed because we didn't ask the Stepbrothers daugther to be our flowergirl, (FH's stepmom told me that was ok because she would want a 3 years old to take away from me!!!!!) we aren't having kids in the wedding except my 11 year old sister who is a Jr Bm. Am I wrong for not asking...I made so much effort when it was her time and she always gives the excuse she is just so busy to call or email.grrrrrr.....
FH doesn't care either way, he actually tells me he doesn't want them there but I don't know if there will be reprocussions later on in life.
What would you ladies do?
Sorry so long and I hope this makes sense.
Thanks!
mdawg
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
its a hard situation, for sure...
if you keep extending the olive branch and theyre not taking it, theres only so much you can do...
i say try to get in touch one more time...give them a week to give any kind of response...
(p.s. how far away do they live from you... is there a way you can just 'pop in' at your FHs Father's house when they are there too?)
I think you should just give them that week, and consider that a cut tie. its unfortunate... i know, i have literally NO family that i talk to except for my parents because of a similar situation.
good luck! i hope everything works out for the best!
bkposh
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
i wouldnt ask them to be in my bridal party either. if they were interested wouldnt they make some sort of effort...it seems that they arent the least interested in even calling you so i would just choose people who actually want to be in your bridal party and not worry about them. i dont think they would even be upset I kind of think thats they reason they dont call because they dont even want to be in the bridal party and therefore return the favor of planning and spending money....
so do whatever you feel is right and everything will be fine.
michesq
Posted:
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Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
tough one- always sticky as you said with family but honestly it is your wedding and why have someone just because family- you should have people that you want in your bridal partty and not out of obligation- just my opinion
purplerain
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
You have definately made the right decision, you can't consider them real friends when this is how they have treated you, they have really let you down, if you can't rely on them now then where will they be when you really need them to help you out, organising your wedding. Good luck
SOTHISISLOVE53109
Posted:
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Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
I haven't spoke to her about it, because honestly I have nothing to say December was the first time I have seen/heard from her in about a year...I use to call her and she told me she wasn't allowed to talk on the phone when her husband was there because it was his time O M G!
She didn't ask how is everything going, NOTHING!
How do you do that? and then she has the nerve to have FH's stepmom ask me is she will be in the bridal party?
Trust me FH's Stepmom is out for her daughter in law and grandaughter. She has made me uncomfortable with this whole thing always asking...why aren't you having kids? are you asking my beautiful daughter in law? blah blah blah. I finally told her Rich and I are eloping because of this!!!!!!
I love the reassurance because my family says f**k them and then their family says it would be so nice of you.
I don't want to be nice....this time. I've always made the effort and was always there for her and FH and I asked people (immediate siblings) who are with us all the time and have been there for us with everything.
Thank You my ladies! I feel much better now
curlyq4458
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
you are answering your own question...I totally wouldn't have them in the wedding party. You haven't spoken tto them in a yr or so...obviously she doesn't care and only cares for herself. I know she's family, but i have a feeling after the wedding she will disappear and you'll be left with her in your wedding album and regretting it.
I vote 'no' to having her in your wedding party.
baba022
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
I wouldnt - and if asked I would tell them - in a very nice way (so you dont burn your bridges) that they must be really busy with the baby and all since they havent returned any calls or emails, so i would think they would be too busy to be in the wedding.....
flairforfashion
Posted:
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Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
Sometimes people are so busy that they don't do the same things people have done for them...
I think I would try to reach out one more time and then see what happens.
frenchy702
Posted:
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Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
That is a very icky situation... sorry you have to go through that. I would try and reach out one more time and then I would just move on from it because there's only so much you can do... you've gone above and beyond for her and if she's giving you the cold shoulder then at least you tried ya know? Good luck with everything. Family (especially future family) could be so frustrating.
CNC4eva3402
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need help with a sticky situation...
Wow - its def. a tough situation. From what you've said it seems like you made up your mind and that you don't want her in your bridal party, which is def. understandable. I mean, not only are you guys not close anymore, but its kind of like a slap in the face after all that you've done for her when it was her 'time'. I hate people that 'know who you are' when they need you, but when the shoes on the other foot, they are all of a sudden too busy. Honestly, I would call her or email her, and let her know all this. Say that you just feel really betrayed, that when you were helping her with her wedding, you always imagined her being there for you with yours and ever since she got married you haven't seen or heard from her and you feel hurt by it. Also if she doesn't have time to pick up the phone or write an email how will she ever find time to plan bridal showers or pick out a BM dress??
