Need Opinions - Living Together....

living together and the church? Do you tell them? Or do you lie? I am not sure what to do....Does it depend on the church? (St. Josephs in Ronkonkoma)....

Need Opinions - Living Together....

We didn't tell the church. I just figured that it would make things that much more complicated and stressful (we are an interfaith couple, and thought it would be hard to get our officiants to agree to do the ceremony together as it was.) I just used my parent's address and my phone line there. But I am worried that once we start pre-cana I'll slip up and say something about living together. Oh well....

Need Opinions - Living Together....

I have the same situation. I havent gotten my church yet. But I will tell them if they ask, you cant lie to a priest. Good Luck I will let you know when I go if you want.

Need Opinions - Living Together....Anyone Using St. Josephs?

Yes, please let me know...my email is [email protected]. I dont want to lie but dont want to get in 'trouble' for doing so. We got engaged before we lived together so we had the intentions of getting married. We just wanted to take the bigger step of buying a house first.... Is anyone else using St. Josephs Church in Ronkonkoma?

Ya don`t lie to the Church!!!

My FH asked me the same thing when we went to speak with the Deacon who is marrying us. He wasn`t sure if we should tell him that we are planning to move in together. He also wanted to lie about how often we go to church. To be honest, the Deacon did not even ask us anything about that. I wouldn`t worry about it though. I had one set of friends who were recently married and did the Pre Can thing. I asked if the priest gave them a hard time about living together. She said that both of the other two couples had babies already, so they were the Pre Can Allstars! Don`t worry about. You can be honest. Becky

We told the truth

We told my church the truth(St Sylvestors-medford). It was awkward for a minute but I didnt want to lie and I figured my Fiance would forget and give us away later on down the road! My friend is getting married at your church in Oct. and I know she lied to them. My Deacon was very cool about it and just asked us to not 'be with each other' for the 2 months before the wedding. He said it would make the night better for us. I would see how strict the person you meet with seems. I knew my Deacon was very nice and easy going. Good Luck!!

Ya don`t lie to the Church!!!

We were honest. It was no problem

Ya don`t lie to the Church!!!

We told both our priests (one in NY and in in CA) that we were living together - neither had a problem with it. The questionnaire we filled out even had a special section for couples living together. At our engaged encounter this weekend, over half the couples were living together.

What I meant to say...

I went back and re-read what I wrote, and realized I sounded horrible! I would not have lied to the church, had they asked. My address is still legally my parent's house. For a lot of reasons I don't want to get into, I haven't changed it to my fiancee's house. The deacon did not ask. He was the person who confirmed me, so he knew that I am a member of the congregation. He didn't even ask how often I go to church. The rabbi asked my fiancee, and he told him the truth. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to outright lie to the church, but you may want to avoid the question if you can. I have a girlfriend who had to find another church b/c her priest flipped out when she said they lived together and refused to marry them, even if she moved out until after the wedding. I'm sure that's the extreme, but I didn't want to add any more stress than I already have.

Need Opinions - Living Together....Anyone Using St. Josephs?

I spoke with Father Peter at St. Josephs, and we told him we are living together. He said that although they don`t encourage it, they realize that it is more common these days. He was very nice. In total I spoke with 4 different churches, and only one was a little uncomfortable with it. I considered avoiding the question too. I decided there will be enough stress going around throughout the planning, we didn`t need to add to it by hiding things. Neither my fiance nor I are active with the church, and were very nervous when approaching the priests/deacons. But it all turned out fine, so I wouldn`t bother with hiding anything. Good luck.

It never came up

Then never specificaly asked. We did fill out paperwork with address but I dont think they paid any attention to it. Precana focus on your future together as a couple and dealing with the different issues you will face so it never came up there either.

Lisa T - I had similar experience...

We had to speak with priests in both NY and CA, and neither of our priests asked us directly what our living arrangement was prior to the wedding. Consequently, we did not offer the information. However, when the Church mailed us any information regarding the wedding day, it was addressed to both of us. When we attended our engaged encounter weekend, over half the attending couples were living together. But, I also think it's very common to the area we live in. A lot of young people have moved to the Bay area for employment, and decide to co-habitate b/c it's much more affordable (among other reasons, of course). That's what I did when I first moved here. My husband and I were very serious about our relationship at that time, but not engaged yet.

my priest

You have to remember what the Catholic Mass really signifies and that Marriage is another sacrament you recieve. I wouldn't lie to the priest at all. Wouldn't be good to have the man who is celebrating your married start off with lies about you. I have heard of some priest who have flipped out and others who have been fine. I have a friend who has a child and could marry in a catholic mass b/c the priest was happy they waited and just didn't rush to the church for a wedding b/c she was prego. Our priest asked alot about premarital relations and asked that once we started our engagement to stop doing anything like that not because he wasen't ok with it since things have happend but b/c it would make our wedding night even more special. So, who knows if your residency is technically your parents maybe he will ask you to move back for a few months before the wedding or something. So, I think alot of it depends on your priest....:) One of my concers is that my girls have bear shoulders, there dresses have think straps and I hope that is ok.. but I was told it's better not to ask and just do then to ask... So, basically if things come up just be honest, luckily if you have a priest like ours you are very comfortable with him.. Good luck! Laurie

My church

I got lucky and when we first met with the priest we weren't living together so we didn't lie. We moved in together about 5-6 months after meeting with the priest. We just got the paperwork for PreCana (which we start tom) and we put one address...so let's see what happens tom. He also didn't mention anything about 'relations' so I guess again we were lucky and din't have any really awkward situations. The only thing he lectured us on wasn't not going to Sunday Mass regularly. From friend's experiences I think it really depends on the priest. I have heard good and bad.

Need Opinions - Living Together....

We told our church, both of them. Here in North Carolina, and the one we're getting married in, in NY. They were fine with it. It definitely depends on the church.

clpunch

My subject line was totally a joke and not directed at you. I hope you realize that. I didn`t read what you wrote before I responded. Princess Bride asked if she should lie and I was really responding to her. I just wanted to make sure that you know that and also, your first post didn`t make you sound horrible! Becky

Becky - too much catholic guilt! :-D Thanks!! *NM*

Jeng

Hi. I was wondering if you are arranging all of the precana and such in Long Island or is St Joseph's allowing you to take care of it up here? Chris's church is allowing us to arrange everything up here. That makes it much easier for us. Nancy

I didnt mean 'lie' - I guess what I meant

was 'avoid the question'...I could never lie to a priest...I already have too much guilt for not going to church as often as I should - never mind lying to a priest!! Thanks for all your feedback. If they ask we will tell and if they freak out, then we will try another church. We were engaged first, then moved in together because we had obviosly had all intentions of getting married. THANKS AGAIN!!

We are Catholic and were totally honest

When I first meet Father Bill (Parish of the Holy Cross) Scott and I told him that we lived together. He never said one word about the situation. He has always shown us respect. I don't think you should lie to anyone. If someone will not marry you because they do not agree with your living arrangement, then look for someone who will. Do you really want someone who is that judgemental being the one person who pronounces you husband and wife?