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Need some advice..

Boop2704 Posted:

Need some advice..

skew Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

my heart goes out to you, your DH and his sister.

i would let him make this difficult and emotional decision on his own. of course be there to support him, but it is his demons that he is and has been fighting w/ and he needs to decide the best way for him to reach closure. it is one thing to think how you would handle the situation if you were him, but another to have lived through these horrific years and then be faced w/ this dilemma.

lilmrs Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

Posted by Boop2704
Should I let it go and just let him deal with it and not push for him to go see her


I think this is the best thing, obviously this is very emotional for your DH but he needs to come to terms on what he needs to do next.
WeddingsRock Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

This is a tough situation.....I pray that your DH makes the best decision for himself.

When my father passed, the children from his first marriage didn't come to his funeral. They had their own reasons, some of which I really don't understand or accept. My father was NOT horrible, abusive, he just married my mother and divorced theirs. He saw them and supported them way above what the court ordered of him. However, they harbored this anger towards him.

Almost 4 years later, I was speaking to my 1/2 brother and he says that he regrets not coming to the hospital/funeral. Now that is something that he has to live with for the rest of his life.

Whatever decision your DH makes has to be one that he comes to on his own. Don't force him to do anything because he may get angry with you and you are not the person he should be angry with.

Good Luck! God Bless!
Jax430 Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

I feel terribly for your husband and his sister. What a terrible decision to have to make. I think you need to let him come to the decision on his own. Be there if he wants to talk, and support him in whatever he decides.
Butterflybride Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

Posted by Jax430

I feel terribly for your husband and his sister. What a terrible decision to have to make. I think you need to let him come to the decision on his own. Be there if he wants to talk, and support him in whatever he decides.


I agree with this. If it were me, I would go mainly for closure, because knowing me I would spend the rest of my life wondering what what have happened if I went, if I ended up not going.
shamrock12472 Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

This is so difficult to deal with, for both you of you. I think it would be a good idea for him to see her for his sake. This is not a decision that he will be able to undo in the future. If I were in your position, I would support him no matter what he wants to do. I would also suggest that instead of making the decision to go see her, go to the hosipital where she is. You can sit in the waiting room downstairs - no one will even know he is there. He can decide if he wants to go further or not. Maybe do that a couple of days in a row and it will help him decide. Maybe making little steps will help him in his decision. May he find the peace he deserves regardless of his decision.

heidla Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

What a tough and sad situation. I think that you just need to be his support right now. He is going to have to work out his emotions and reach this decision on his own.

jantany26 Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

this is a really hard situation to deal with in the first place. Unfortunately, I think that you should be there for him and try to support him in any decision he makes. At the end, he is the one that needs to make the choice.
I do agree that it would be good for him to get some closure but if his feelings are different, than just be there for him.
I'm sorry that he has to deal with this.
kdelace Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

jaime- i had a similar situation.. not with my mother dying and wanting to see me- but my mom, who is also a crazy fanatical religious nut- long story but I had to make a few hard decisions- this is when I was with chris.. i did need to make them on my own- chris, (obviously we were still together)supported me in whatever decision i made, but he didnt get involved, although he wanted to. He knew that I had to come to terms with it on my own..Its so hard to watch your husband suffer through this- just being there by his side through all this, istening instead of givingvice or trying to fix it, is all you can do... Lots of hugs and kisses sweetie.. Hes had a rough week!!!!
palebride Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

What a terrible decision to have to face..... to you and your husband!!!
I thinkyou need to be ther efor him, as others have said, and help him come to his decision....perhaps seeing her again would be too painful, and it would be better if he didn't go.
Or perhaps seeing her would be the closure he needs....i don't know which is the correct answer....

i had an uncle that caused a lot of pain to me as a child....and when he died...he was alone and it was unexpected, so there was no way i would have even been ale to be there....but i know it's taken me years an years to come to terms with his behaviour and to partly forgive him for his choices in life.....maybe your husband needs time.....
luvsbob4603 Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

first of let me say how sorry I am to hear that dh's mom is going to pass away . what i think is that you Dh needs to do what is best for him right now he is angryat his mom for the way she treated him and his sister no one should go through a childhood like that but maybe if he did go see his mother maybe he could get this all off his chest and tell her how angry he is at her before she dies to get closure i know he might not want to but if she does pass on with telling her how he feels he is going to wish he did later on. God bless you and your Dh i hope things work out lots of and prayers
Wintersbride Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

I first want to say that I am sorry you, DH, and his family are going through this. I understand for the standpoint of dealing w/ someone you love who has been badly abused and wants to cut strings. The most important thing you can do for him is support him in what ever decision he makes...but it really should be his decision, I would not push him. Good luck to the both of you...and again, I am so sorry...
peabody Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

This is a tough one. I really don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know that I feel for your DH and I hope he finds peace and closure.
Goldi1021 Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

He needs to make this choice on his own.JMO.

princess99 Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

I would let him decide what he wants to do. He is going to have to keep in mind that he is going to have to look himself in the mirror and say he did the best he can do and live with this the rest if his life. I have lost both parents they were very good to me, and I was there for them, someone gave me this advice and it was the best advice I ever recived while mourning. My heart goes out to all of you.
RedHead Posted:

Re: Need some advice..

Although i agree with what everyone is saying...your DH needs to decide what is best for him...

I still think i would tell him how i feel too. I would tell him that although, right now he is hurting and remembering all bad things...one day he might look back and regret not going, even if it is to just say good-bye. I do believe it does give some closure and maybe he can put the anger and hurt behind him once and for all.

I would tell him this BUT i would express my opinion only once and then the decision is up to him alone. AND i would support anything he feels is best for him.

Sorry that he is going through this

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