need some advice.....

I am having a real hard time with my FMIL and my FBIL. We have not spoken since Christmas. I am not sure what to do. My FH is heartbroken, but what they did to me is unforgetable at this point. Let me preface just a little bit.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer a few days before Christmas and was admitted to the hosp to have some surgery. Fh's family lives in pa so they would be spending Christmas weekend with us. FMIL and FBIL made me feel bad the whole weekend about having to go and visit my mother in the hosp. They even blamed me for them being late to their families Christmas because my FH I hit traffice coming back from the hospital even though they had their own car and their own directions.

On Christmas eve we had Fh daughter so we celebrated Christmas that day with her. So I wanted to go and see my mom and asked FH's family what their plans for the day and should I cook dinner. They said they were going to visit other family members and that they would be back and to have dinner ready @ 7:30. So because I now how they are I called to confirm the plans were as is before I left my mom in the hospital. So long story short I made dinner and they came home at 2am. Yes you heard me 2am 6 1/2 hours after they said they would be home with not one phone call. They came stumbling in my house drunk and not one of them looked me in the eyes or appologized. I tried to let it go, but FH and I were trying to sleep and they were being loud. I went into the living room and told them to shut the F*** up and go to sleep. Normally I am very reserved, but I was so hurt.

FMIL told me that if I didn't shut up she was going to lay me out. Who says that? Who results to violence like that? Could I have gone to bed and talked about in the morning? yes I could, but I really was hurt. They left in the middle of the night.

Ok so this is where the advice comes in. It has been three months and pretty much they said that they were having fun and that they do not owe me or FH an appology. My FH is so sad about the whole situation because before this he was very close with his family. Would you suck it up and appologize even though you know they were wrong?? Should I write a letter??? Should I leave alone??


I am sorry this is soooo long, but my FH is hurting and I need some serious help.


TIA,
Georgia

Well first of all let me say that you are not wrong in my opinion. And I understand how you feel and probably would have reacted the same way to their behavior. AND by the way, not to mention that you are under a TON of pressure considering your mothers unfortunate situation

As far as what to do, I would maybe ask your FH what he wants you to do and decide together what to do. If you are willing to apologize and try to make things right for him, I think that is wonderfully sweet. And in the long run that may be the better choice. I know how it feels to hurt when the one you love hurts. I think you should ask him what he wants to do..... what do you think?

Normally I would tell you to stick to your guns. BUT in this case, if your FH is hurting b/c his family is acting like children-I would apologize-but in a way that still places blame on them.
I would apologize and say that you are sorry about all that happened but with YOUR MOM being sick you felt that they werent being understanding of the situation. That you hoped that by cooking dinner and finding out a time would help with the craziness over the holiday but instead it hurt you. And leave it at that. Dont delve too much into the Im sorry for telling you to shut up...b/c I wouldnt be sorry for that.
In my opinion they were all in a huff about FH being late but it was ok for them to be late??? What world do they live in? Its ok to have fun if it doesnt hurt anyone or isnt at the expense of someone else.
Im sorry they they are acting like that, Idont think you are wrong at all-but for your FH I would at least take that first step. Who know they may apologize back

that is so horrible that they did that to you! they should have been understanding! you were going through alot at that moment!!! I wouldn't apologize to them, JMO, you did nothing wrong. nothing at all. what are you going to apologize for? telling them to quiet down after they stumble into your house at 2am, drunk?

again, JMO, if it were me, I wouldn't apologize. you would know best if that will help things. but they should be graveling at your feet begging for forgiveness. how shameful that they made you feel bad for wanting to spend time with your sick mother! I would have gone off on them.

Hope you mom's doing better.

Let me say first-They were absolutely wrong. Yes, I understand you could have asked them more nicely to quiet down, but they were being rude and di$*ed you guys over, and really? I would have said the same thing.

I can't make this decision for you, but if it means that much to your FH, I would write a letter and apologize, or at least explain the situation. No matter what they will always be his family, regardless of whether you like them or not. Yes it $uck$, and I agree that you were right, but you don't want it to cause a rift between the two of you.

Good luck!

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Posted by snydl40

WOW! They won't come to the wedding??? If my family, or FH's family did that in this exact situation, I couldn't talk to them-I can't imagine how your FH is feeling. Has he tried to call them and explain there rudeness, and disregard for your mom?

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Yes, he called and spoke with his brother. He thought they worked everything out until his brother came to visit last month and we all were supposed to go out for his birthday until he found out that I was going as well. He said that if I was going to be there then he didn't want to see FH. FH told him that I am his family and that if I couldn't be there and he would have to pass. That he was not going to continue to disrespect his FW. They are just so selfish.

I agree with the rest of the ladies. Its awful that they are 'that' way but it seems that those being hurt most is FH and you!

I dont know if I personally could apologize, but i'd definitely pretend everything was fine and go out of my way to be nice.

good luck honey.....we're here if you need us.....here are some hugs for strength..........

I think you guys should try to work it out w/your FIL, but I wouldn't apologize, just try to talk it out. It's too soon to write them off. For the sake of your family, you should try to work things out together.
No matter what, you and FH have to be on the same side, regardless of what they say. Good luck!

Well I am glad your FH is being strong and sticking up for you, that is how it should be. But honestly, his family is acting very childish.