Ok so its a huge long story and I dont want to bore you with all the details...but FH best friends get married...move out of state....buy a house...everything is great for like 6yrs...till she finds out he cheats on her like 2 months ago...now they are getting a divorce...and he plans on staying with the mistress...'b/c they are in loooooooooove'...I happen to become really good friends with the wife and wanted her to be in the wedding also...and the husband was in FH wedding party... SO...now the soon to be ex hubby wants to be invited to our wedding with HER....FH and I both agreed that we werent inviting either of them with guests b/c it will be too hard on the wife...the ex hubby has threatened to not come now and we both really want him there....what the F do I do?!!?!?!?!?
cbcf
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Re: Need some advice
Ohh No I am sorry to hear about your situation.
First off I would have said- well they are both grownup and should act like it and not expect to be invited with guests because knowing they are both in the bridal party and it would be hard on each other- but he doesnt seem to care much about his first wives feelings being that he cheated so....I could see why he would act like a little baby and not want to come to your wedding...WHICH IS STUPID OF HIM!
but they are both adults here and should respect the boundaries you set knowing they are not allowed to have guests with them and not make a big deal out of it...
sorry I really have no other thoughts than that...sorry I couldnt be of more help!!
JACSANT
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Re: Need some advice
OMG this is a hard one! Why cant the best friend understand that you guys dont want tension on ur wedding day, he is being kind of selfish. And he had married this girl, doesnt he have the respect not to go with his mistress???? I would have ur fh sit down with him and have a heart to heart and explain both your feelings about the situation. If he doesnt understand and still insists, then i would be really mad and personally might be to the point where id say, well then dont come, the invitation is open to you and we want you there but out of respect for ur ex wife we cannot have the mistress there. hope this helps!
Super2star
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Re: Need some advice
The hubby thinks that as FH best friend....that FH should support him in any of the decisions that he makes...and that if WE cant accept him with being with someone else than he doesnt need us in his life...that was his response to me....arggggg!!! I told him to stop being selfish and its not all about HIM and what HE wants...
blu6385
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Re: Need some advice
ok in my opionion i dont see what the big deal is for some to attend the wedding with out thier signifcant others ... i personlaly wouldnt care but apprently (i posted a toic about just invinting one person in a realtionship and not another) and lots of people felt that it would be wrong not to ... again i dont think it is ... so i would just let the guy know that you dont want anymore tension then what already is going to be there so sorry you are not inviting eiter one with a guest .. and if hes that good of a friend he should understand ...JMO
Super2star
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Re: Need some advice
Posted by JACSANT
OMG this is a hard one! Why cant the best friend understand that you guys dont want tension on ur wedding day, he is being kind of selfish. And he had married this girl, doesnt he have the respect not to go with his mistress???? I would have ur fh sit down with him and have a heart to heart and explain both your feelings about the situation. If he doesnt understand and still insists, then i would be really mad and personally might be to the point where id say, well then dont come, the invitation is open to you and we want you there but out of respect for ur ex wife we cannot have the mistress there. hope this helps!
yeah it wasnt even just a girl (the wife)...they have dated off and on since age 12...so the wife is FH best friend too...they were all childhood friends...then when I started to date FH I became good friends with them too...then all this...its so hard I want to cry! FH said not to think about it till we have to send out the invites...the ex-hubby and mistress may break up at that point...I am crossing my fingers!
KSquared
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Re: Need some advice
That's a tough one. I think your FH needs to talk to him friend and let him that the day is not about him and his date, it's about the two of you. However, I don't know if its right to not invite them with guests if everyone else is being invited with a guest. Is there someone that maybe she wants to bring. His repsonse to you was immature and out of line, I really think the best thing to do is to have your FH talk to him and explaing how you guys feel and see if there's a way to work out it where no one gets hurt. This is a tough one - good luck!
Fall Bride 2008
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Re: Need some advice
That s u c k s !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally 100% agree on inviting them w/o guests.
Super2star
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Re: Need some advice
Posted by KSquared
That's a tough one. I think your FH needs to talk to him friend and let him that the day is not about him and his date, it's about the two of you. However, I don't know if its right to not invite them with guests if everyone else is being invited with a guest. Is there someone that maybe she wants to bring. His repsonse to you was immature and out of line, I really think the best thing to do is to have your FH talk to him and explaing how you guys feel and see if there's a way to work out it where no one gets hurt. This is a tough one - good luck!
yeah I agree...I hate when people are invited with no guests..but this was a special situation...b/c the wife will not come if she is there...and I want her there over the mistress...so does FH...we already agreed neither of them get dates..
poisonivy918
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Re: Need some advice
I'm in a similiar situation, except they weren't married. my two best friends dated for along time, he suddenly met someone else while dating. she's one of my bms, he's one of my fh's gms. I say let them bring guests. it's your special day. they should both know not to start anything.
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: Need some advice
wow im sorry to hear that..thats a really difficult situation..but ultimately its your wedding and i think you should do whatever would cause the least amount of problems..i personally would not invite them with guests..especially because he would probably bring the mistress..that would be a disaster if a fight broke out...
Autumn08
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Re: Need some advice
Posted by Fall Bride 2008
That s u c k s !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally 100% agree on inviting them w/o guests.
I agree. It's a matter of trying to keep the piece and allowing both of them to enjoy the night and visit you guys.
JeanetteandSteve
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Re: Need some advice
i think he should respect what you want on your wedding day. she is not bringing a date, he should not bring a date.
in our case we are not inviting people w/dates unless they are married, engaged, or have been in a serious relationship for a long time.
if you are doing anything like that, his date doesn't fall into any of those categories so you can use that as excuse.
or just tell him you are not inviting him with date and if he is a good friend he should stop being a jerk and come be there for you on YOUR day.
Mizzdimple
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Re: Need some advice
This sux. and I have the same situation...but they are both willing to come with their own guests....I just know it will be hard b/c I am inviting thier famillies also errr...
I just wrote this:
IMO..Invite both w/ guests..I think they would feel weird without guests. HOw does the X wife feel about it? I imagine she doesnt want to be in the position., but if she doesnt mind and will be there for You.
Then I just pictured the X wife..watching the X husband and mistress dance romatically and its just going to be weird..!
gfield101
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Re: Need some advice
guest only... if he actually threatens to not come, then he is choosing new fling over your friendship! and thats his choice!
Then you two enjoy spending the happiest day of your lives with the wife and not him...thats really selfish of him to threaten not to come over someone he met 2 months ago!!
