need some advice...

allinik Posted: Aug 08, 2010 05:37 PM

need some advice...

hey everyone- so here's the issue, my sister who has always 'competed' with me over nothing my whole entire life is insisting on being MOH. She has honestly ruined every big event in my life because she always insists the attention has to be on her. We went to Michael's and I was telling her I was going to try and do DIY invites to which she responded 'um i will not be helping you make anything for your wedding.' I am always supportive of her and try to end this nonsense competition idea she has in her head, but I am so upset and worried she will ruin my wedding :(

what should I do?

angelscri Posted: Aug 08, 2010 05:53 PM

Re: need some advice...

Sorry you are going through this, I do not think you should make her MOH just because she is your sister, especially if you feel this way. Your MOH should be supportive and should be willing to help you throughout the wedding process. I think if you feel that she will try and upstage you or ruin your day than maybe you should make her a bm and make someone else MOH.

DaniandKen2010 Posted: Aug 08, 2010 05:59 PM

Re: need some advice...

If she HAS to be your MOH have 2. Your sister and someone who will really be a MOH.

BellaRegina Posted: Aug 08, 2010 06:00 PM

Re: need some advice...

I 100% agree with the above poster. My friend had her best friend be her MOH instead of her sister for a very similar reason and everything worked out perfectly.

Its YOUR day and don't feel pressured to make anyone else happy except yourself! That comment your sister made about the DIY invites would also be perfect ammo (if you need) if she continues to instist to be your MOH. You need someone who will not only help you do the invites, favors, etc etc...but will tell you to stop and take a nap while she finishes them! The only person who should be able to be selfish and the star of the day is YOU!

Good luck!

adelya21 Posted: Aug 08, 2010 07:19 PM

Re: need some advice...

Either tell her to F-her self and take her out of the bridal party or have two like someone said!

so sorry this is horrible!!!!!

MrsKon1111 Posted: Aug 08, 2010 09:56 PM

Re: need some advice...

Posted by DaniandKen2010

If she HAS to be your MOH have 2. Your sister and someone who will really be a MOH.

ITA...she needs to be there for you and if she can't be then she shouldnt be it

CantWaitMrsH Posted: Aug 08, 2010 10:10 PM

Re: need some advice...

she is your sister ... so my thought is if you know her limitations and predict her lack of involvement why not appoint one of your other bridesmaid to fill her shoes and ask her for the bare minimum? its not ideal but at the end of the day she is family ...

HeatherLynna Posted: Aug 08, 2010 10:39 PM

Re: need some advice...

So sorry that you have to go through this. I say that if you truly do not feel that she would make a good MOH, then do not have her as one. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to just because she is your sister. The MOH is supposed to want to help and be there for you, not shoot you down and make you feel sad. This is one of the happiest days of your life- surround yourself with people that WANT to be a part of it! She is your sister, so it's a little harder- but she doesn't get to make the decision.

quirkybride Posted: Aug 08, 2010 10:50 PM

Re: need some advice...

I would ask yourself whether you'd regret asking her. Personally, I'd rather have two MOH's then you'll never feel bad about it.

Andelano Posted: Aug 08, 2010 11:23 PM

Re: need some advice...

Posted by HEATHERLYNNA

So sorry that you have to go through this. I say that if you truly do not feel that she would make a good MOH, then do not have her as one. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to just because she is your sister. The MOH is supposed to want to help and be there for you, not shoot you down and make you feel sad. This is one of the happiest days of your life- surround yourself with people that WANT to be a part of it! She is your sister, so it's a little harder- but she doesn't get to make the decision.

ITA---I have a sister who is not going to be my MOH. she is not in competition with me but we have other 'issiues' and yes there is pressure that she should be bc she is my sister but you are going to have enough BS about other things and you truly need to have your MOH in your corner not trying to fight you in the middle of the ring.

luckycouple05 Posted: Aug 09, 2010 07:43 AM

Re: need some advice...

DO NOT ask her..I am warning you now from experience

QueenPeach Posted: Aug 09, 2010 09:49 AM

Re: need some advice...

Posted by DaniandKen2010

If she HAS to be your MOH have 2. Your sister and someone who will really be a MOH.

ITA. I wouldn't ask her if I were you but if you must then get two. My friend had her sister and best friend as co-MOHs. She and her sister have never got along but she it would've been a big no-no in her family if she hadn't make her MOH.

AdriandSteve Posted: Aug 09, 2010 09:49 AM

Re: need some advice...

As her why she wants to be MOH if she's already refusing to help.

SoonToBeMrsFox Posted: Aug 09, 2010 11:06 AM

Re: need some advice...

Posted by HEATHERLYNNA

So sorry that you have to go through this. I say that if you truly do not feel that she would make a good MOH, then do not have her as one. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to just because she is your sister. The MOH is supposed to want to help and be there for you, not shoot you down and make you feel sad. This is one of the happiest days of your life- surround yourself with people that WANT to be a part of it! She is your sister, so it's a little harder- but she doesn't get to make the decision.

you took the words right out of my mouth - i totally agree. it's your day and your maid of honor should be someone who wants to help you and support you.

Jesebelle Posted: Aug 09, 2010 11:26 AM

Re: need some advice...

If she is already saying she won't help you make anything, how can you trust she will be able to do any other tasks? When she asks about it again just point out how she already mentioned her lack of being able to help and that you'd rather give the title to someone who will actually want to help you and make it a point to. Then say you'd be happy to have her be a bridesmaid, where she will still be honored but not put in such a position as she would be required to help you as much.

bella_bride Posted: Aug 09, 2010 11:36 AM

Re: need some advice...

I wouldn't make any decisions yet... a lot can happen in 2 years. You may grow closer, or even far apart. Same with your BM's... I would hold off until you are 100% on who you want and need.

wenR Posted: Aug 09, 2010 11:41 AM

Re: need some advice...

Don't delay the inevitable. You already know how it's going to be. Your MOH should be someone who puts you first. She should be your best friend.

Ray8183 Posted: Aug 09, 2010 12:27 PM

Re: need some advice...

I've made my sisters guests at the wedding. It's for the best. If I need them to do one thing and they don't it's okay because it not like I thought they would drop anything in their lives to help.

chrisandjeanne Posted: Aug 09, 2010 12:38 PM

Re: need some advice...

Posted by MrsKon1111

Posted by DaniandKen2010

If she HAS to be your MOH have 2. Your sister and someone who will really be a MOH.

ITA...she needs to be there for you and if she can't be then she shouldnt be it

ITA with this. I would have 2 maids instead of just one.

AdriandSteve Posted: Aug 09, 2010 12:42 PM

Re: need some advice...

Posted by bella_bride

I wouldn't make any decisions yet... a lot can happen in 2 years. You may grow closer, or even far apart. Same with your BM's... I would hold off until you are 100% on who you want and need.

I agree. Imo, you shouldn't ask anyone to be in your BP more then a year in advance.