Need some advice..

I would really appreciate some advice from you ladies about inviting or not inviting a former best friend to my wedding..here's the sitch:

I went away to college out of state, and the first day of freshman year I met this girl who instantly became my best friend at school. For the next 3 years, the two of us were inseparable, we literally did everything together, and she was there for me during some really hard times. She came home (to Long Island) with me many times and my best friends here all loved her too. The summer before senior year, she did something to me that many people would consider unforgivable. She hurt me really bad, and after that, our friendship was over. My friends from home all hated her for what she did to me, and this was the time I met FH, and he was there when I found out what she did, so he hated her too. That was over 5 years ago. In the past year, I have started talking to her again, through email and texts, and we've even got together a few times for dinner. My friends do not support this at all and refuse to accept her back into their lives. FH never knew her and cannot understand why I would take someone back into my life who hurt me so badly. But he also doesn't understand the friendship that we had, he just knows she was the cause of a lot of pain for me and for that he does not trust her. I know she is completely remorseful for what happened, and in my heart I have forgiven her. While we are not BFF the way we used to be, I am happy to have her as a friend and I would love to invite her to my wedding. I know the decision is mine to make, but I know if she is at the wedding, it will cause major tension with my bridesmaids, family, and even with FH. The last thing I want is for an argument or huge confrontation at my wedding, and I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with her knowing my entire bridal party wants to stake her. On the other hand, I honestly feel like she deserves an invitation, aside from that one horrible mistake she has never been anything but an amazing, generous and loving friend. What do you girls think? I am so torn with what to do and need some objective opinions. Thanks <3 <3

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Posted by vintagebride2013

Not knowing what she did (I am not trying to be nosey) is the hard part. But...life is short. I am a person who does not forgive and sometimes it is for the better. But, just because someone is taking baby steps to be back in your life doesn't mean you give them a ticket into the most important day of your life right now. Don't let sentimentality ruin your judgement and leave you heartbroken!

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This!! Whatever she did to you sounds really bad. Save yourself some heartache.

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Posted by Bride2Be78

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Posted by vintagebride2013

Not knowing what she did (I am not trying to be nosey) is the hard part. But...life is short. I am a person who does not forgive and sometimes it is for the better. But, just because someone is taking baby steps to be back in your life doesn't mean you give them a ticket into the most important day of your life right now. Don't let sentimentality ruin your judgement and leave you heartbroken!

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This!! Whatever she did to you sounds really bad. Save yourself some heartache.

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I couldn't have said this better myself. Good Luck with - you shouldn't have to worry about anything on your special day!!

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Posted by 4Everhisgirl

I'm going to disagree with the other ladies...if you guys are working things out and starting to talk again then I think maybe you should invite her. You said that she is sorry for what happened and you must have accepted that since you guys are talking now. As for your friends and family, I don't really think they would cause any drama...they will accept the decision that you make..it is after all you wedding day!!!

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I would agree with this, but add to it that everyone would have to understand their places on your day, other than FH....I would also wait until a month or so to invite her to see where your relationship is by then. THis happen to my friend and she did invite her ex-BF to the wedding, everything went well. (although I am not sure what she did was as bad as what your friend did to you).

I am so sorry you are going through this. Like you, I had the same experience with my best friend who did something horrible to me. And we stopped speaking about 2 years. Recently, we made amends but the friendship isn't the same. So much infact, we stopped speaking again.

Like you, my FH and friends couldn't understand my need to speak to her again despite what she did. But, as you said as well no one knew the friendship that we shared. I defended her all the time because I knew who she really was, and they didn't. People are entitled to mistakes. Although, all mistakes can and should be forgiven, they cannot be forgotten.

At this point in my life, I made the decision not to speak to her. I made the decision in respect of my feelings as well as my FH's feelings. She wasn't a part of my life during the biggest moments in my life when I needed her there. As much as I wanted to keep the friendship alive it had already burned out.

My personal advice to you is to take time to really think about this. You have plenty of time to know how the friendship will play out. But in the meantime, learn to rebuild your friendship with her as much as you can if you decide to continue your friendship. Invite your FH along with you when you go out with her sometimes, so he can get to know her as well.

The decision is not easy, and you can always speak to me if you want about this. FM me =)

There is a poem that helped me retreat to my feelings and understand the issues that I didn't want to face. The last sentence was the strongest statement that made my decision with my own friendship. She wasn't a friend when I really thought about it.

Here is the poem. I hope this helps you!

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

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Posted by BklynBabe1624

I am so sorry you are going through this. Like you, I had the same experience with my best friend who did something horrible to me. And we stopped speaking about 2 years. Recently, we made amends but the friendship isn't the same. So much infact, we stopped speaking again.

Like you, my FH and friends couldn't understand my need to speak to her again despite what she did. But, as you said as well no one knew the friendship that we shared. I defended her all the time because I knew who she really was, and they didn't. People are entitled to mistakes. Although, all mistakes can and should be forgiven, they cannot be forgotten.

At this point in my life, I made the decision not to speak to her. I made the decision in respect of my feelings as well as my FH's feelings. She wasn't a part of my life during the biggest moments in my life when I needed her there. As much as I wanted to keep the friendship alive it had already burned out.

My personal advice to you is to take time to really think about this. You have plenty of time to know how the friendship will play out. But in the meantime, learn to rebuild your friendship with her as much as you can if you decide to continue your friendship. Invite your FH along with you when you go out with her sometimes, so he can get to know her as well.

The decision is not easy, and you can always speak to me if you want about this. FM me =)

There is a poem that helped me retreat to my feelings and understand the issues that I didn't want to face. The last sentence was the strongest statement that made my decision with my own friendship. She wasn't a friend when I really thought about it.

Here is the poem. I hope this helps you!

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

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Well said! MY BFF & I no longer speak. It was really hard. Our friendship ended back in the beginning of HS. We are friendly on FB & that is about it. I would wait until it get closer to the date of sending invitations then make a decision. Good luck

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Posted by ali427

Wow, I cannot thank you girls enough for all of the replies!! It's hard because I don't really have anyone else I can talk to objectively about the situation. The poem BklynBabe1624 posted really resonated with me. I realize in my life I hold on to a lot of things because I am afraid to let them go and I think this is one of those things. Even though we may talk, I know our friendship is never going to go back to the way it was, and I find that so sad and wish that it could but I have to accept that its time to move on. I love and respect my true lifetime friends too much. And if anything else ever happened, or even if our friendship just fades, seeing her in pictures at my wedding will just make me feel sad and upset.

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I think you are heading down the right track. Do what's best for you. Don't have any regret when you think back to your wedding about who you invited and who you didn't.

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Posted by ali427

Wow, I cannot thank you girls enough for all of the replies!! It's hard because I don't really have anyone else I can talk to objectively about the situation. The poem BklynBabe1624 posted really resonated with me. I realize in my life I hold on to a lot of things because I am afraid to let them go and I think this is one of those things. Even though we may talk, I know our friendship is never going to go back to the way it was, and I find that so sad and wish that it could but I have to accept that its time to move on. I love and respect my true lifetime friends too much. And if anything else ever happened, or even if our friendship just fades, seeing her in pictures at my wedding will just make me feel sad and upset.

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I am glad that helped you. I learn a lot through readings of poems, article and writings that others display. I am so sorry you are going through this. It hurts so much when a friend doesn't stand by your side but the importance of learning what friendship is all about is truly priceless. True friendships see no evil.

And as I said before, you still have time to play out this friendship if you decide to continue with it. I wish you the best of luck in this situation. Please weigh out your options as well.

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Posted by linda_art

ALSO, you're assuming shes def gonna say yes. She may not feel comfortable even being around those ppl who cant stand her, and so I feel sometimes an invite is a nice gesture if all those things I wrote above make sense.

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Very true! I want to make the gesture.. but I don't really think she should come.. LOL. I think the bottom line is, I care more about hurting my real best friends' feelings and pride rather than her's. And if I send her the invite, there's the chance she will say yes, and then even though I know my friends won't purposely cause a scene, it will be worrying me constantly. Not worth the stress!! Thanks again for the advice :)