So, my brother just ended a relationship with a girl he was living with. He had wanted to end it for some time, but stayed with her because of her son from a previous relationship.
He got really attached to this little boy, and is having a hard time seperating from him. He wants to continue a relationship with him, but my mom and step-dad (his dad) feel that it would be best for him to make a clean break and not confuse the little boy even more (he's 2).
I want to try to help my brother out, but I don't know what to say - it's a tough situation...
Does anyone have ideas on what i could say to him to make him feel better about this situation? I'm at a loss.
Thanks!
Moehick
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
Ohh thats tough...I would say the best thing would be is for him to distance himself from the child. It will be hard but in the long run, better for the boy when his mother is in another relationship.
mrswask
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
I agree - I can't imagine how hard it is for your brother - but unless this break-up in temporary, and it doesn't sound like it is, I don't think it's fair to the little boy, or to his mom, to continue the relationship.
DebsNY
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
thanks for the advice...
I just feel so bad... she's using her son to get to him, like when he calls to talk about picking up his stuff she'll say 'oh, he misses you so much, he's be asking for you' to get to him.
he also feels guilty because the little boy isn't in the best situation (she's on welfare, is in a legal battle not only with his father over custody, but over the custody of another child, from another father, who lives in another state).
Oy, it's just really screwed up and my brother just wants to adopt him so that he has a chance at a normal life.
janet
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
my brother in law is going through this , the differance is that he is married to my sister and my nephew is now 8 (been in his life seice he was 2 and now getting a divorce). i told him that i would help keep them in touch only because that is all my nephew has known. make a long story short my sister is making some real bad choice's right now. but for your brother i would most def tell him to make a clean break. it is easier then said but the baby will not remember him after about 2 weeks! good luck!
RedHead
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
Posted by Moehick
Ohh thats tough...I would say the best thing would be is for him to distance himself from the child. It will be hard but in the long run, better for the boy when his mother is in another relationship.
i agree...I know it must be hard..but the best thing is to stay away. In fact.. I would tell him to break EVERYTHING off completely. I think if the mom is using her son to get at your brother now (which is disgusting)..she will continue to do so. In fact it might get worse! So the best thing for your brother and the child is to STOP all contact. No calls either. Her son shouldn't be a pawn in her relationships! Sad really..maybe the father of the child should have custody!
DebsNY
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
Posted by RedHead
Posted by Moehick
Ohh thats tough...I would say the best thing would be is for him to distance himself from the child. It will be hard but in the long run, better for the boy when his mother is in another relationship.
i agree...I know it must be hard..but the best thing is to stay away. In fact.. I would tell him to break EVERYTHING off completely. I think if the mom is using her son to get at your brother now (which is disgusting)..she will continue to do so. In fact it might get worse! So the best thing for your brother and the child is to STOP all contact. No calls either. Her son shouldn't be a pawn in her relationships! Sad really..maybe the father of the child should have custody!
yeah, that's what i'm thinking... it seems as though she's very manipulative.
Thanks so much!
azoodie
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
Posted by RedHead
Posted by Moehick
Ohh thats tough...I would say the best thing would be is for him to distance himself from the child. It will be hard but in the long run, better for the boy when his mother is in another relationship.
i agree...I know it must be hard..but the best thing is to stay away. In fact.. I would tell him to break EVERYTHING off completely. I think if the mom is using her son to get at your brother now (which is disgusting). she will continue to do so. In fact it might get worse! So the best thing for your brother and the child is to STOP all contact. No calls either. Her son shouldn't be a pawn in her relationships! Sad really..maybe the father of the child should have custody!
i have to agree with this. as hard as it may be that's what's best for the child and your brother....this really *****
jimmysgrl
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
Yea, I'm so sorry for your brother and I can understand getting attached to the little one but its about the child and making him happy and in the long run, 'comparing' him to Mom's new boyfriends won't be fair to their family. Its so heart-breaking but it would need to be a clean break ESPECIALLY for the child....
cjb88
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Re: Need some advice on giving advice...
i think if the boy was a little bit older it would be easier to retain the relationship....my mom had the same boyfriend from when i was in 7th grade, through my senior year, then they broke up.... however, i still have a very strong relationship with him (and so does my younger brother) I call him my pseudo stepdad... but i think if i was much younger it would have been harder to keep a relationship with him....
