Need some help/advice - I'm a new comer

Hi Ladies,

So this is not completely wedding related, but one of my friends turned me on to this website and I thought you all would have some good opinions on this situaiton i'm in.

My best friend got married in the spring of 2008. I was a bridesmaid, helped plan the wedding, etc. It was a great day, she married a great guy, all was great.

Fast forward to their first anniversary. I sent them this really nice hand blown glass bowl that was not cheap. They loved it and said it had a place of honor in their new home.

Well a few weeks after that, my bff began telling me she wasn't happy in the marriage, didn't think she married him for the right reasons, etc. As hard as it was, I told her that I would support her in whatever decision she made because that's what bff's do right?

Well she ended up leaving him. I felt awful for both of them of course but kept supporting her. About 2 weeks later her husband called me. Long story sort of short and without too much explanation as to why I know it's true, he told me that my bff had been cheating on him for months and had left her husband for the guy she was 'seeing' who was also married. I confronted her about it and she continued to lie to me. Still trying to gather my pity about what a rough life she was having having to move out, etc.

I am devestated that my friend would do that in the first place as well as finding out that she would lie to so many people like that too.

Back to the glass bowl - I've been dying to ask for it back. I spent a lot of $$ on it and I feel like now I gave it in honor of something that is not even true.

Is that completely crazy of me?? Is it just my anger coming through?

Any advice you ladies have would be greatly appreciated. If you've gotten this far, thank you.


P.S. I know the info I posted about bride/groom stuff looks bogus - that's because it is and I'm trying to just remain 'incognito' if you will.

Oh wow thats tough. Even after you knew the truth, she is still lying about the situation. On one hand she's prob. ashamed to admit what she did to you and on the other hand if she is your 'true friend' she could have told you the truth especially after you telling her that you knew the truth.

Around how much was this glass thing? If it was really expensive I would def. ask for it back.... if it wasnt, I wouldnt even start the drama and would just have her keep it.

Is she a close friend?

Before all this happened, if I had to name one person as my best friend it would have been her. We've been friends since 5th grade and have been through so so much together - so yes she is a very close friend.

The bowl wasn't hugely expensive in the grand scheme of things, but it was for me in the sense that I've been laid off for a few months and dipped into my savings to buy it.

I think I'm also kind of upset over all the money and effort I spent on the wedding itself when it seems the whole thing was a sham...

Ugh... I just don't know what to do

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Posted by ANT-N-BON-09

My opinion is this....if i had a book of all the ppl in my life that got married, and then divorced, it would be a very big book. And if i have the right to ask for something back, so does the 200 other ppl that went to the shower and wedding. You bought it for them, who ever gets it in the end ,him or her, its now theirs. Asking for something back is a terrible punch to what is going on between them, regardless whos fault it is. Even if u hated the girl, and planned on never speaking to either one of them....i would NEVER ask for it back. Im not trying to be mean....just my opinion. Cause i would have a house fulll of presents from past weddings if i went about it like that.

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this is an excellent point.

please don't be offended, but i agree with ANT-N-BON-09...

look at it this way: imagine you were in her position and everyone started asking for their gifts back. that wouldn't feel very nice.

i think you're just angry because you, too, feel like you were betrayed. i don't blame you. but re: the money... it's long gone now, so i think you should let it go.

my dad has always said that money will always find its way back to you. in other words, put it out there and do the right thing :)

A gift to someone is just that. I would never ask for it back. At the time you gave it came from the heart.........$$$$ did not matter, it should not matter now.
As far as what is going on with this cheating B.S. I would confront her straight on. If you were colse enough to her to be a bridesmaid I would ask her. ' what the hell are you doing?'
That's just me....I was & still am an in you're face no B.S. kind of woman.

First of all, welcome! I've been trying really hard to think of ANY reason to ask for a gift back. I can't really come up with anything right now that sounds acceptable to me. I personally would not ask for the bowl back in your situation. It's awful what they are going through, especially if it is how her husband says it is, that she was cheating with a married man etc. That is just awful! I don't know what's wrong with people. Her poor husband! You said he was a great guy too. So I would let them keep the bowl. Look at it this way, the poor guy deserves the bowl right? Anyway, a gift is a gift and you're not supposed to take them back. Good luck!

Do you know for certain she cheated? Or are you taking his word? Personally I would trust my friend over her ex husband. Why did he feel the need to call you, her best friend, and tell you that. Sounds like a horrible thing to do actually. Even if its true, why did he feel the need to call her best friend and tell her except to hurt her further. It sounds to me like he is trying to make you angry at her and take away your friendship, which she probably needs more then ever. What's the point of him doing that, except to be vindictive. If I were you, whether she did or didn't cheat on him, I would stand by your friend. You don't know the whole story and you are her friend.

As for the gift, no sorry to say, I don't think you can ask for it back and at this point I think that it would be adding insult to injury to try. They are going through enough.

Thanks Ladies. You've all echoed what I knew was the right thing to do which is leave the damn bowl thing be.

As much as the 2 of them are going through right now, it hurts her close friends as well to be betrayed like she has so I think I was just angry and trying to find a way to take that anger out.

As for her husband calling me and me taking his word over hers, there's a long history of why I do believe him along with actual proof off the affair that I've seen. Trust me, it was not an easy decision for me believe what he said but I do.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it!

On a different note - I'm not currently planning a wedding, but have looked on here a few times because I'm in LOVE with all that is 'Wedding Planning' dresses, flowers, invites, etc! So I hope you don't mind if I keep looking at all your beautiful weddings and chime in now and then!