Need some holiday scheduling help here (sorry...long)

Let me just set the scene for you first. For my family, holidays are always split. So, for example, this year for Thanksgiving we go to my mom's side in the morning and my dad's side for dinner. Then for Christmas we'll go to my dad's side in the morning, my mom's side for dinner.

My FH's family is much larger so holidays are different. Usually one aunt has the holiday and there's a buffet.

All family lives within 20 minutes of each other.
Also, FH has a child from a previous relationship. It wasn't a marriage so there was no court intervention dictating holiday schedules so every year is total chaos trying to coordinate the 3 major holidays (xmas, turkey, easter) b/w the mother and him.

FH's family does a big thing for Christmas Eve, but my family doesn't. However, my mom has always made a very fancy meal for dinner and then we've all gone to midnight mass together. I don't want to spend every Christmas Eve with FH's family just b/c they have a party.

FH and I are in an argument as to how to handle holidays. We both want to see our families. Also, FH wants his child to be with his family but I'm not willing to not spend the holidays with my family b/c he has his kid that day.

The only thing I can think of is to go to one side in the morning, then go to another side for dinner, and then the 3rd for dessert. That is a LOT of moving around though and I'm not even sure how I could alternate is so that we would have dinner with each family for at least one holiday. Not to mention, FH's family doesn't get together until like 5 so we really can't go to them in the morning ever. FH doesn't think my idea is fair b/c then we'll have dinner with his family on the holidays only one time per year and mine 2 times. Any solutions anyone? I already told him he has to sit down with the kid's mother to set a permanent holiday schedule b/c this is ridiculous.

I don't have any suggestions but,

We're having scheduling issues as well, FH got off work to cook his family Thanksgiving dinner the year we were supposed to spend Thanksgiving with my family and rearranged his work schedule so now I'm pretty much doing all of the last minute wedding stuff alone.

ETA: I am still going to spend it with my family, I shouldn't not be able to spend any more Thanksgivings with my family because FH wants to cook for his mother's cousins who wait for him to volunteer to do it. He said he didn't realize how important this was to me but, we argued about it continuously last year at the holidays. I also would like to be included when he makes these kind of decisions.

This is a difficult task for most couples. DH has a daughter from a previous marriage so I understand having to coordinate holidays with the mother as well. It's def a good idea to get some kind of routine going so that you, FH, and his child can all enjoy the holidays instead of looking at them as a pain every year.

One point I have to make is that you say your FH wants his child to spend time with his family. But it's crucial for your FH and his child to understand that once you're married, your family will be the child's family as well. I would suggest alternating holidays every year. One year you go to FH's for Xmas Eve and then spend time with your family on Christmas Day. The following year switch. You can alternate Thanksgiving and Easter that way too.

Living within 20 minutes of each other certainly makes things easier but you don't want to spend all day driving around every year. I think the alternating works best most of the time, so it's worth trying out!! Good luck!!

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Posted by cindyandkevin

I would suggest alternating holidays every year. One year you go to FH's for Xmas Eve and then spend time with your family on Christmas Day. The following year switch. You can alternate Thanksgiving and Easter that way too.

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I answered on the 07 boards, but I agree with this. FH and I are basically doing this also with the alternating holidays. I don't want my days to feel rushed and always in the car going to the next place. If we don't see one family for one holiday, we will for the next and the following year we will switch it up. Good Luck!

I know you mean well wanting to spend time with each family, but you're going to have to pick and choose which family you'll be with at the holidays, otherwise you'll make yourself crazy!

We spend Thanksgiving with DHs family.

We spend xmas eve with my family b/c of the huge party and all my family comes into town for this one day.

We spend xmas with DHs family

My family used to do midnight mass, but that's not practical for my husband and I due to traveling, so we go to mass before the holiday's and after, so that we can spend the time with each other, our families and not be rushing around.

i cant really tell you what to do BUT i have to make one suggestion

PLEASE try to only choose ONE thing for the day - for the first few years we split holidays i would be in TEARS afterwards. . . I felt like i got screwed out of Christmas - and our families are about 5 minutes away but between the hellos and goodbyes i felt like i didnt have a holiday. . .

so i do eve at his house, xmas day at mine - its a big sacrifice bc i do miss seeing some family members that only do eve!

thanksgiving is at his house - this year i will be going to my house for dessert but ONLY bc my mom is coming back after a month in italy . . . .

I think it would help you a TON if you figured out more information about the child part of it cuz that might make things easier or not depending on where he/she will be.
What do you/FH do for Christmas? Because maybe you can do Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other? Did you talk to your parents about this to see what they say? Could you invite your parents over to FH’s family? Would that be weird?

I would say figure out which holiday is most important to which person and then figure it out from there. you have 4 to work with (sort of) Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Easter….you can also throw in 4th of July if u wanted to.

Holidays are always hard to split if everyone is doing something! maybe have your own thing and invite both of your families over? That probably wouldn’t work though, right?

HTH

Good luck!!!!!!