Need some honest opinions here...

ambersmom Posted: Sep 14, 2004 04:38 PM

Need some honest opinions here...

I'm having a christening for my daughter in October. Because we're having it at home, we're condensing the guestlist to only immediate and extended family (no friends because if you invite one, you have to invite them all). Anyway, we had a very ugly falling out with his brother two years ago. Only recently and under extreme circumstances (his mother was hospitalized) did they actually communicate again. The first time BIL physically saw Amber was in the waiting room that evening. Bob hasn't seen his nephews in two years. Since then, they have 'casually' communicated (BIL called the house to speak to him on a random issue, MIL was hospitalized again this weekend, etc.). This weekend they were alone and were working towards mending fences. BIL wants a relationship with Bob and Amber but I'm not part of the deal. So Bob basically told him to forget it, we're a package deal and he is not interested in going to 'family' functions w/just the baby if I'm not welcome. Good for him, since I would never allow my daughter to go where I'm not 'allowed' since the same terms don't apply to the real instigator of trouble, BIL's wife. Anyway FIL is now giving Bob a hard time about the christening, how BIL and SIL should be included, blah, blah, blah. He's pulling all sorts of emotional blackmail saying MIL might die and why have her die knowing her sons are on bad terms, etc. First off, I'll probably be dead before she is. She's one of those miserable people who will live forever! My theory is this: If MIL was never hospitalized/came into health issues, they would still be in a cold war. The air hasn't been completely cleared and even if it was, it would not change the fact that I am completely hated by my inlaws. Bob and I were not included two years ago to his nephew's christening and no one got up in their business about excluding us. So why should we be the bigger people and invite them? His BIL/SIL never once acknowledged Amber, even when I was having complications during the pregnancy. Heck MIL/FIL didn't even acknowledge the pregnancy either until I was seven months along. Am I just being a petty biotch about this or do you think I should suck it up and invite them for kumbaya's sake?

suven Posted: Sep 14, 2004 04:44 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

well, you'll never really know whether or not anyone said anything to them when they were christening their child.

It's not likely that anyone would say, 'Yeah, we told them to invite you, but they didn't...'

This is a tough one. I also have difficulties with my in-laws. We all socialize at parties, but I promised myself that after this wedding, I would never put my in-laws into the mix of 'my' family's parties, or special occasions for 'me' again.

I think that the right answer is 'yes, invite them'...

But, in reality, if it were me, I probably would not...

don424 Posted: Sep 14, 2004 04:46 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

Posted by ambersmom

I'm having a christening for my daughter in October. Because we're having it at home, we're condensing the guestlist to only immediate and extended family (no friends because if you invite one, you have to invite them all). Anyway, we had a very ugly falling out with his brother two years ago. Only recently and under extreme circumstances (his mother was hospitalized) did they actually communicate again. The first time BIL physically saw Amber was in the waiting room that evening. Bob hasn't seen his nephews in two years. Since then, they have 'casually' communicated (BIL called the house to speak to him on a random issue, MIL was hospitalized again this weekend, etc.). This weekend they were alone and were working towards mending fences. BIL wants a relationship with Bob and Amber but I'm not part of the deal. So Bob basically told him to forget it, we're a package deal and he is not interested in going to 'family' functions w/just the baby if I'm not welcome. Good for him, since I would never allow my daughter to go where I'm not 'allowed' since the same terms don't apply to the real instigator of trouble, BIL's wife. Anyway FIL is now giving Bob a hard time about the christening, how BIL and SIL should be included, blah, blah, blah. He's pulling all sorts of emotional blackmail saying MIL might die and why have her die knowing her sons are on bad terms, etc. First off, I'll probably be dead before she is. She's one of those miserable people who will live forever! My theory is this: If MIL was never hospitalized/came into health issues, they would still be in a cold war. The air hasn't been completely cleared and even if it was, it would not change the fact that I am completely hated by my inlaws. Bob and I were not included two years ago to his nephew's christening and no one got up in their business about excluding us. So why should we be the bigger people and invite them? His BIL/SIL never once acknowledged Amber, even when I was having complications during the pregnancy. Heck MIL/FIL didn't even acknowledge the pregnancy either until I was seven months along. Am I just being a petty biotch about this or do you think I should suck it up and invite them for kumbaya's sake?

since you were not invited to theirs i think that answered the question right there

wc0143 Posted: Sep 14, 2004 04:56 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

Here;s your reason why there is no way in heck you should invite them:

BIL wants a relationship with Bob and Amber but I'm not part of the deal.

Scoop Posted: Sep 14, 2004 05:09 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

This is a tough one but I would say go ahead and invite them. Clearly, they are the ones with the problem but if it helps ease tensions with the inlaws, why not. Hopefully, they won't come.

Good luck!

nferrandi Posted: Sep 14, 2004 06:16 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

I would invite them, because from the way it sounds, they won't even come. If you don't invite them then you and DH look bad, but if you invite them and they don't come, then you can wipe your hands clean of them.

btrflygrl Posted: Sep 14, 2004 08:31 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

I think you're the better person for just inviting them...it's then their choice to come or not, but how and WHY does he want his brother and Amber and not you? Do you have something to do with the falling out.....ugh...MEN!

WinterBride2005 Posted: Sep 14, 2004 09:30 PM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

Posted by nferrandi

I would invite them, because from the way it sounds, they won't even come. If you don't invite them then you and DH look bad, but if you invite them and they don't come, then you can wipe your hands clean of them.

I agree with this. If they come.. fine. If not, oh well.. atleast you look like the better person for inviting them.

Maribelle7777 Posted: Sep 15, 2004 10:50 AM

Re: Need some honest opinions here...

I agree w/ suven on the issue of if anyone mentioned to your BIL/SIL about not inviting you to their child's christening - either people didn't say anything out of not wanting to make the situation worse or get involved or they didn't come back ot you and say 'we told them it was wrong.

Either way while I would love to say DON'T INVITE THEM I think you should - only because 1) you guys look like the better people for doing it and 2) do you think they'd bother showing? If not, then you really come out looking better in the situation.

As of the MIL, sounds like she couldn't care less if she died knowing the brothers are fighting from how you make it sound. I always find in situations like this to suck it up and be the better person. But if it comes to the point where you're so stressed out over it, then don't bother it's not worth getting that upset over since they sound like jerks anyway.