I dislike my MIL so much that I am seriously reconsidering getting married. I feel like it's bad now and will only get worse when my FH and I have children. Is this normal to feel this way?! She is just a mean woman with control issues and I feel like she is trying to turn my FH and future FIL and BIL against me. Please give me some advice ladies! Thanks!
Bride in 2012
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I'm sorry you're going through this. In all honesty, I think it depends on how your FH is handling the situation... does he stand up for you or does he take his mother's side? If he sticks up for you, I only think things will get better once you have a family, especially since FH's main focus will be on you and the children. If he doesn't stick up for you, then I hate to say it but it probably won't get better...
pjc92980
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i can completely understand where you are coming from...i felt the same way!!! Like Bride in 2012 said, how does your FH handle the situation? For me, dh stands up for me and himself and so I knew he was worth marrying...if he didnt im not sure I would have made it down the aisle!!! I will say that it did get easier now that we are married but the only reason why it is easier is bc now that the wedding is over and we dont need to speak to them about money and plans, we dont speak to them at all. He speaks to them maybe once a month if that often. it sucks, but he has a close relationship with my family and he sees how people deserve to be treated. he told his mom numerous times that if she wants more of a relationship she needs to make the effort now because we after all she did, we are no longer making an effort....she still has made no effort and we are both ok with it. its a tough situation but i hope you get through it
mrsbee2012
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Thanks ladies. I can say that my FH definitely does stand up for me every single time she does something disrespectful towards me and he totally understands my frustration. But, at the same time he wants me to just let it go because he 'handled it already'. I then harbor my feelings and the resentment just keeps building and building.
I think what makes it worse is that we are living in his parents house in order to be able to pay for our wedding. I have been on my own since I was 21 so I'm sure this doesn't make the situation any easier for me.
I feel like I am at my wits end and just want to say forget the wedding and just walk away. It's just unreal how this woman acts. I've never met anyone like her. It's her way and that's it, she thinks her opinions always matter and is constantly critizing everything I do. She treats my FH like crap and is constantly taking advantage of his big heart. I stay quiet out of respect for my FH but I really think one day I am going to explode on her. *Sigh*, hopefully I can keep it together until after the wedding and we move out on our own.
pjc92980
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oh no...you live there...thats badddddd i think you need to get out! DH also would handle it and tell me to stay quiet...it does get frustrating but I understand why he does it; his parents (at least his mom specifically) takes criticism/arguments better when its from him then when its from anyone else (although she by no means takes it well!) so to get me involved would make it a bigger mess. like he has said to me, he is her son and she will love him no matter what...she doesnt have to (and never will) love me the same way she loves him. so i can say something to her she doesnt like and that can be the end of things and it would come between their mother/son relationship...but if he says it she will get over it in time and maybe take it into consideration a little more. you have a long time til your wedding...i am sure living there is making it worse (esp since you said you were on your own beforehand)...i would see if there is anyway you can move out sooner. i know the savings is a huge help but your sanity is important too!!!
VCanizalez
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So sorry... My MIL and I did not get along... Now its a working progress....
I think IF u guys LOVE each other and UR FH stands up for YOU, then u don't need to 'cancel' ur engagement/relationshop
VCanizalez
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OMG U LIVE THERE??
Ok
GET OUT
U can't live thereeee..... things will get worse... u should def live with ur FH alone then
jassy119
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If you can.. MOVE OUT ASAP!! With you living their things will not get better. U will be miserable from now allll the way until after your wedding. You dont need that kind of stress when this shoukd be 1 of the happiest times of your life. Your already thinking if you should walk away and living in that house could possibly be the end to your relationship if it continues to get worse. For your own sainity and for your relationship and future.. move!
KL824
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Re: Need Some Serious Advice!
I agree with all of the above...It's the living situation that is probably making it 100x worse.
As for the relationship itself, regardless of living situation, just know that you are marrying your fiance for who HE is...and everyone and everything around him is just something that comes along with him. Don't let a mean family member get in the way of the love of your life. That said, it's terrible when it's a mother. Maybe you can even talk to her and maybe place boundaries. She might be the type that just can't let go of her 'baby' but when she realizes just how happy you make him and that you aren't going anywhere, maybe things will get better.
Good luck and hope everything works out for you!!!
TnM1030
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The other ladies have said it and I must agree.... Move out! Pack yo' things today! Downgrade those wedding expenses.... its just not worth a possible blow out in the near future. I speak from experience.... things will boil over. I've always said, mothers of sons become a little bit insane. I don't know why, but it happens...and if you're noticing it now, she will only become more of a horror as the wedding date nears. I have been there done that and it was NOT pretty.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: Need Some Serious Advice!
i know you said you're living there to save money for the wedding, but would you consider moving out and having a smaller wedding instead?
as others said, living there is prob making it worse.
good luck
mrsbee2012
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*SIGH* Thank you guys so much, you definitely all made me feel better!!
My wedding is not in December, it's at the end of May so I think I should try and tough it out. I would hate for my FH and I to be put into a financial bind because I couldn't tough it out for a few months. But you better believe as soon as those I-Do's are said I am outta here! LOL
Again, the only good thing here is as soon as I feel disrespected or even think twice about something she says sideways to me, my FH is already 2 steps ahead of me putting her in her place. I think she just wants to see how far she can go, maybe in her twisted mind it brings her some sort of enjoyment to cause so much drama.
I guess I was just freaking out thinking, yes this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but his mother....not so much!!! LOL
LoVeAtFirstSite
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am going through something similar with my FIL. Totally horrible and completely stressful.
As long as FH is on your side, stick with it. We are strong women and can work through a lot especially for love!
Hang tight!
mrsbee2012
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Thank you, that is what I needed to hear. Thank God for my guy!
Anna614
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I would definetly move out and only see or talk to each other when neccessary then maybe she'll get the hind that she needs to change her attitude if she wants you guys around. As long as you FH supports and stands up for you thats all that matters.
'A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life'
GOOD LUCK
Royalgem21
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Where are you getting married?
Maybe you can move out a month or 2 before the wedding, if you can't move out now. Were you planning on moving out after marriage or were you going to wait and see after?
SummerBeauty
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Leave her home.
If there is anything that is making her feel empowered and able to open her big mouth whenever she wants--it's the fact that you both rely on her for living accommodations.
I would honestly work three jobs if I had to--the situation is just too complicated.
MrsBlueRibbon
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I am so sorry you are going through this. My EX-FH mother was like this also...yes I said EX-FH, because he ended up leaving me 11 days before our wedding because of her. You do marry the family. What will make all the difference in the world is how your FH handles her. If he stands up for you, than you will be okay, it's if he doesn't that will turn into a huge problem. feel free to FM me if you need.
mrsbee2012
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Our plans are to move out immediately after the wedding. Yesterday was just a really bad day & I have calmed down. She knows that she was wrong & has been acting nice to me. Maybe I do need to learn to just let things go. She is the mother of the love of my life, so I have to learn to just be accepting of her. Maybe she feels like she is losing her son & doesn't know how to deal with it.
I am going to just try my best to suck it up & only talk to her when necessary & be resepectful & courteous. I'm really not including her in the wedding planning because I think this is where arguments will brew from because she will give her opinions and piss me off LOL. My mom is awesome but she is out of state so that depresses me sometimes too. Anything involving my FH(tux, limos, etc.) she can be involved with.
I know some women have it a lot worse then I do. I am grateful that my FH and I have the opportunity to save before we begin our life together. Long Island is crazy expensive and I don't know how you guys are doing it! It's not easy but if my FH and I can get through this rough patch, I really do think it will only make our relationship that much stronger. He has really shown me what a caring and genuine man he is and I love him more and more each day. Wish me luck and thank you all for your kind words of advice.
Beautyconsultantbk
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Yes i agree with all the ladies get outta there asap lol. Your relationship with him and evenhis parents will improve when you each have your space. Most MIL will criticize what you do or dont do when they are up ur *** lol. And if she does something you dont like no need to be disrespectful but you need to speak ur mind. I have and have felt better. But in a very respectful nice ay causonce you burst you cant take it back and there will be lots of grudges
Good luck girl! I give you so much credit lol you couldnt pay me to live with my in laws even tho we are cool
