Need Support Right Now....long, sorry.

I'm so stressed, work is making me crazy b/c they know i'm leaving for two weeks and are just completely bombarding me with issues to take care of. PLUS FMIL has flown in from FL to 'help out' but meanwhile hasn't gotten ANYTHING for the wedding yet and expects me to take her shopping every night when I haven't done any of MY stuff and I only have TWO WEEKS TO GO!! I need to do my favors, all the small little things, and plus go honeymoon clothes shopping. FH is being cranky and is tired, like I am, but I have no patience for it at all right now...

PLUS.....I got into a fight with my mom last night and she was being so mean and throwing FH's family in my face saying how I always have time for them but never for her (which is BS because I go out there almost every weekend to do stuff for her) and how I 'Left Her' when I moved to NJ so it's 'MY FAULT' that nobody is here for me............WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Ohh I am so mad right now. THEN she says, 'Oh it's no wonder why you got so many NO responses b/c you're so nasty!' and I am NOT nasty. I have met my minimum for my hall and we did get alot of 'No's' but out of 280 people, to have 80 No's is not alot. I have absolutely had it with her and to boot, she offered to pay off our hall next week and she says 'Well now you can pay it on your own!'. She is obsessed every day with how many responses we have and doesn't understand that I wanted a SMALL wedding!!!!! We have almost 200 people and I didn't say anything, I just let it go. This is not the actions of a sane and rational woman....I seriously think she is effing crazy!!!!!!!! I would never do this to my daughter, she's such a witch. FH and I are more than capable of paying for the hall ourselves but it was a gift and now she's using it as a tool and that just makes me so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How DARE SHE!?!?!? and of course i'm stuck at work now and they're smothering me, I just want to smash someone right now.

sorry so long but I needed to vent.

ETA: sorry, I just noticed that i'm rambling but just trying to get this off my chest before I lose my temper at work.

WOW!!!
It sounds like you need a little break from EVERYONE!! Maybe take your self out from everyone today. Get lunch on your own quietly, or have a pedicure.

You need a break, relax, then take some time to talk to FH and tell him he needs to help his mom, and then you go talk to your mom.

thanks Kimbalina.....I so much just want to get away right now. I'm running out of time and I tried calling my mom last night but she didn't pick up and now I didn't sleep all night and I just want to cry at my desk. Can't anyone just cut me a little bit of slack right now????

You're so sweet, it's so good to hear from u.

wow, i know it's hard but try not to let it get to you...

It seems like everyone is stressing out right now... I wouldnt take what your mom says seriously, she is just upset right now, for whatever reason. Tell your FMIL that you have other stuff to get done. What about if you take her, she helps you when you get back from the errands? No one else can take her around?

I think after work you go for a drink or a mani, anything to calm you down and relax!

I'm sorry you are so stressed out!!! I agree with Kim, find something to do for yourself tonight / today!! Maybe go get a massage after work. . . you deserve a break!

Vent away - we'll listen.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I must admit I HATE when someone offers to do something for me and then throw it in my face. I wouldn't let her pay now if i had a take a loan to pay it myself. Those type of tactics totally frustrate me.
Ohhh sorry, I didn't mean to make you more angry, I was suppose to be helping.

Here are some for you and I hope the rest of your day isn't as stressful.

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Posted by SparkyandAng

Vent away - we'll listen.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I must admit I HATE when someone offers to do something for me and then throw it in my face. I wouldn't let her pay now if i had a take a loan to pay it myself. Those type of tactics totally frustrate me.
Ohhh sorry, I didn't mean to make you more angry, I was suppose to be helping.

Here are some for you and I hope the rest of your day isn't as stressful.

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That's exactly my point, why do something and then use it to throw in my face!!!! She turns everything around on me and doesn't realize that she is being jealous and manipulative!!!! Every single day she asks me if we got any more responses and I say NO so she goes, 'ok so how many people do we have'...uhhh SAME AS YESTERDAY!!?!?!? and then after a full week of this same question, I tell her to back off but then she accuses me of being nasty. She is obsessed with this whole issue of having more people at hte wedding and it's driving me batty. I think we have the perfect number of people and everybody that I wanted to be there is coming. The only people that said NO are people who really could care less and in all honesty, I don't care if theyre at my wedding or not so I AM HAPPY but she just refuses to let me be happy.

You would think that as my mom she would be happy for me and want me to get along with my FMIL and FH's kids but all she does is tell me to stay away and keep my distance and how I shouldn't make time for them.....i'm really sick of her. She is really supportive when it comes to giving money or dictating how something should be done but then she thinks you owe her the world. I'm sorry, but some things are way more important than money. I miss my dad so much right now....he always used to be so kind and supportive. seriously, she's making me crazy, and instead of realizing that i'm probably upset right now and need to focus on my wedding...she's giving me the silent treatment and being manipulative.....i'm so sick of it.

Thanks for all the good advice ladies, I love u all.

Ugghh, I just lost everything I typed! I’m so sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed right now. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about everything and that you’re doing the right thing by everyone. Maybe it’s time to ask everyone to give you a little breathing room. You just can not be everywhere for everyone all of the time.

Is there someone else who can spend some time with your FMIL, so you have a little time to do what you need to do? IOtherwise, maybe you can explain to her that you need to do your favors and would appreciate her help…she'd probably be more than happy to help you.

Try and take a little time for yourself. Like one of the girls said, go for a pedicure or better yet, try and go for a massage…by yourself. Ask your FH to spend a little time with his mother so you can have a little time to yourself.

Try not to take what your mother is saying to heart. Maybe she’s just lashing out right now because she is missing you (and your father) during this time, not being able to do all of these things with you. It’s not fair for her to put a guilt trip on you though and throw things in your face. Maybe you can tell her that…you’re doing the best you can. Maybe you just need to allow yourself a good cry too at this point! ;-

oh so sorry you are going through all of this at all. Does fmil have access to a vehicle ? Have fh tell her there is so much to be done like favors, etc and you have to get that done - I hope your mom changes her mind about her gift - even though you two can pay the balance, a gift should not be taken away - perhaps there are underlying issues that your mom is not telling you about - sometimes when people are sad about things they take it out the wrong way .

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Posted by Kimbalina

WOW!!!
It sounds like you need a little break from EVERYONE!! Maybe take your self out from everyone today. Get lunch on your own quietly, or have a pedicure.

You need a break, relax, then take some time to talk to FH and tell him he needs to help his mom, and then you go talk to your mom.

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I would have to agree. You need some time away from everyone. Do something for your self today... NWR!

Awh, I'm so sorry. Things will get better. Just put your focus on your and your FH and your big day which is just right around the corner!!!

Sounds like you need some of these

Dont worry, it will all work out. Just try to stay relaxed as much as possible. If coworkers are bothering you just to let it go in one ear and the other.
Can you take a break at work? Lunch hour maybe go for a walk, even though its crappy, just to let your mind relax.

I'm soo sorry you're feeling stressed out by everyone right now!

First of all with work...it's probably not life altering so get as much as you can done and the rest will wait until you come back. Don't put more pressure on yourself in that dept. than you need to. It's OK to say, 'Can this wait until I come back I have a number of other project I'm working on right now and I don't want to rush this.'

As for your FMIL, you need to either speak to her or have FH speak to her and let her know that going shopping every night isn't do-able. Also let her know what you need help with and come up with a plan of action to complete it while including her in it. see if she can borrow your car or FH's car one night...or maybe FH can take her shopping one of those night's...it is HIS mother after all.

Lastly, you mom...I can totally relate. Parents I think get jealous when they see that you are becoming part of another family's life. I've certainly gone through that with my parents. The jealousy and manipulation....i think it's just hard for them and it will be an adjustment. Now I'm not defending our mom but she prob. feels like your Dad died, you're no longer living close to her and she's probably lonely. By no menas is that an excuse for her to treat you the way she is treating you, but I think that's the place from where she's coming from with all of that. Just try to talk to her and let her know that you and FH will pay for the RH on your own as to not cauase any hardship on her. That you appreciate that she wanted to make this a gift to you guys but that you rather not have $$ ruin your relationship....essentially kill her with kindness.

Hope you feel better and try to take some time for yourself. You are NOT super woman.

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Posted by bluekat16

I'm soo sorry you're feeling stressed out by everyone right now!

First of all with work...it's probably not life altering so get as much as you can done and the rest will wait until you come back. Don't put more pressure on yourself in that dept. than you need to. It's OK to say, 'Can this wait until I come back I have a number of other project I'm working on right now and I don't want to rush this.'

As for your FMIL, you need to either speak to her or have FH speak to her and let her know that going shopping every night isn't do-able. Also let her know what you need help with and come up with a plan of action to complete it while including her in it. see if she can borrow your car or FH's car one night...or maybe FH can take her shopping one of those night's...it is HIS mother after all.

Lastly, you mom...I can totally relate. Parents I think get jealous when they see that you are becoming part of another family's life. I've certainly gone through that with my parents. The jealousy and manipulation....i think it's just hard for them and it will be an adjustment. Now I'm not defending our mom but she prob. feels like your Dad died, you're no longer living close to her and she's probably lonely. By no menas is that an excuse for her to treat you the way she is treating you, but I think that's the place from where she's coming from with all of that. Just try to talk to her and let her know that you and FH will pay for the RH on your own as to not cauase any hardship on her. That you appreciate that she wanted to make this a gift to you guys but that you rather not have $$ ruin your relationship....essentially kill her with kindness.

Hope you feel better and try to take some time for yourself. You are NOT super woman.

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Well said!

Ok I have a similar situation.
my mom is acting like a witch too...but she acts like that most of the time.
I think you need to take a day and just hangout with yourself. Dont answer your phone, do what you want to do.

Hang in there...I think its the stress of everything on everyone.

I think it is wrong for your mom to be throwing that in your face after the fact, but it seems like might be flipping out also because the wedding is coming soon....maybe it just hit her how real it is getting? Maybe the invite thing is her strange way of being super excited for you?

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Posted by ItalianBride428

I think it is wrong for your mom to be throwing that in your face after the fact, but it seems like might be flipping out also because the wedding is coming soon....maybe it just hit her how real it is getting? Maybe the invite thing is her strange way of being super excited for you?

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I agree. I feel for you, I really, really do. My mom does the same thing to me - in regards to the 'you always go to his family's things, why not ours???' She'll say that when I miss one of our family events. I think she was probably secretly a little happy when FH's parents moved to FL. They lived 5 mins from us, whereas my parents live 30 mins. Not a long distance at all, but we were at his parents' house a lot more since it was around the block, essentially. And we lived there for 3 months while saving up to put a deposit on an apt... because they had the room. I won't even go into that.

But I do agree that your mom is probably lonely and excited for the wedding and just doesn't know how to show it. Try talking to her calmly and telling her that it's upsetting you. Hope it works out - I do know in the end it will

i think u need a great big

I was in the same situation. I did what D said and took a day to myself. It was the best.
Family will act funny with wedding stuff. Just remember it is your day and nobody is going to ruin it.
I was only having 125 people and we have 190 coming. I gave up on the fighting and just and going with the flow and enjoying the day with my FH.
Cheer up and I hope you feel better.