I know this may seem like a little thing, but my mom keeps asking for save to dates for 8 more people. Thats practically a whole other table! The other thing is, these are all her work friends. We decided not to invite many of OUR friends from work because we were keeping the number very tight until we start getting RSVPs back. But then she gets to STD about 10 of her work peeps?? That's not right... they may be giving a very generous amount for this wedding, but it is OUR day and we would like OUR friends there. I explained all this to her, but she keeps badgering me. it makes me crazy, like I need this to worry about too!!
I just needed to vent, thanks girls
pixietina
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Re: Need to cry a little
Some people are inconsiderate. You should tell her how you feel.
TheLadyJ
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Re: Need to cry a little
Tell her that while you appreciate her generosity for the wedding, you want to keep it to a group of people you and FH know and love. While you understand her pride in your big day and her enthusiasm about inviting friends, you really don't want a whole table of people you barely know, and that you and FH aren't even inviting your work friends. Add in that when you accepted their money for the wedding, you didn't realize there would be conditions on it like having to invite her coworkers, and you don't like being badgered/guilted into it.
When I was MOH for my sister, I had to go against my mom on this using these exact words. My mom wanted to invite everyone they had ever met, and my sister was in tears. part of me know I was laying groundwork for my future wedding, but I had to make her see that contributing towards the wedding doesn't give you the right to overstep the bride and groom's wishes.
Jax1127
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Re: Need to cry a little
I'm going through the same thing. I wanted to invite 10 co-workers (plus husbands) but my mom got mad at me and said that is too many b/c she wants to invite HER work friends. These people have never met me, I don't want them at my wedding over the people who *I* work with that I spend everyday with. I also thought ok maybe I invite them alone...but it's probably not right to invite my co-workers without their husbands, right? It's hard b/c my parents are paying so I feel like I should just shut my mouth... but it makes me so unhappy arrrgh!
halfbaked
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Re: Need to cry a little
Now I know it's 'your day' and all that, but if your mother is willing to pay for those extra 8 people to attend, why should it matter? It's actually NOT only your day- it's your parents day, too, and your new in-laws day, too. Your mother is proud of you and wants her co-workers to be there to share in her joy. Is that a bad thing? Now, maybe to you it is the end of the world, but as I'm someone who is on the other side of wedding planning, I just want to offer another perspective.
fdnybride163
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Re: Need to cry a little
tell her that if she gets to invite her 10 you get to invite your ten!!
LisaReyes
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Re: Need to cry a little
Posted by jilliibabii
Now I know it's 'your day' and all that, but if your mother is willing to pay for those extra 8 people to attend, why should it matter? It's actually NOT only your day- it's your parents day, too, and your new in-laws day, too. Your mother is proud of you and wants her co-workers to be there to share in her joy. Is that a bad thing? Now, maybe to you it is the end of the world, but as I'm someone who is on the other side of wedding planning, I just want to offer another perspective.
Agreed! If she pays then go ahead!
FutureMrsMcL
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Re: Need to cry a little
Oh this would be fine and great, it's just that we already have too many to seat comfortably. And once we hit a certain number thats it - no more room left! We are getting extremely close to that number...
I should also say, my mom is THE BEST. I mean, she has been incredible my whole life and I really don't want her to feel like I don't want her peeps to be there. I would love them to be. But I would also love my friends to be there!!
I'm ok now, I told her exactly that and of course she understood (but we have had this convo before). I just felt like I was going to loose it earlier in the day.
My mom hasn't planned a wedding in 40 years, and there was no such thing as a 'B list' when she was doin her hippie thing, so I have to keep reminding her how it all works now...
FutureMrsMcL
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Re: Need to cry a little
Posted by Jax1127
I'm going through the same thing. I wanted to invite 10 co-workers (plus husbands) but my mom got mad at me and said that is too many b/c she wants to invite HER work friends. These people have never met me, I don't want them at my wedding over the people who *I* work with that I spend everyday with. I also thought ok maybe I invite them alone...but it's probably not right to invite my co-workers without their husbands, right? It's hard b/c my parents are paying so I feel like I should just shut my mouth... but it makes me so unhappy arrrgh!
We actually have to invite a lot of people with out their husbands/dates. It's just the way it has to be for us. I have a huge family (my family is over 1/2 of the list, not including a single friend), and my fiance doesn't have much family so I have let him invite all the friends and co-workers he can think of to make up for it. I guess I'm jealous because I have to keep my side of the list mostly family. But having to explain why certain people are invited without dates (everyone really) and have the two co-workers I invited keep it a secret is sort of a pain!
Oh, my point... I think it's ok to invite people without dates. I have been very open with people about why. If they can't come or don't want to because of that then so be it.
KroertGS
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Re: Need to cry a little
OMG I'm going through the same thing! Our minimum for our RH is 140, and we really want to stay at that number. Granted, my parents are contributing, but my mom has her own guest list of like 40 people!! And I've never even said hello to 3/4 of them!!!
