Need to share

There has been something that I have been noticing lately and its bumming me out. Everytime FH and I run into someone we know and they give him the classic question...r u excited abou the wedding...FH makes this weird face. Not a mean face or sad face but def not an excited one. When I ask him about it, all he responds is that hes happy about getting married but not happy about the money we are spending.

I knew when I started planning this wedding that it wasnt FHs ideal situation. He wanted to travel someplace tropical and get married there. I couldnt agree with this because I have a very large immediate family and they couldnt afford to travel for that. Also it wasnt my dream to get married without all my friends and family there.

So before I booked the venue and started putting all my time into wedding planning, I discussed with him if this is what he really wanted to do and if he was ok with it. He agreed so I went full force into planning.

We are on a seriously strict budget, paying for the wedding all on our own. Fh is having money issues, he owns his own home and business. I havent moved in yet due to my parents being very old fashioned.

So instead of being excited about my wedding coming in 6 months, Im a bit bummed. I dont think FH is excited at all. I wish I could say that I will snap out of it but right now Im praying that we can pay for the wedding.
Thanks for reading.

Awww... I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through something very simular... at first FH wanted something small, and cheap. LOL. I was able to convince him that we should have it at a catering hall, AND we need to invite the WHOLE family...so the list went up to 250! FH didn't like it..and he still has his moments here and there, but money always becomes the issue. The way I look at it is once the day is here, and he sees how beautiful everything is then he'll realize that it wasn't just a waste. I hope you cheer up soon...

Same here.....I actually wanted a destination wedding to save money, but fh and his mom wanted their family to be there....I have a large family as well so now its up to about 250 people( I refuse to pay for more than that). Now fh is saying he didn't want it to be so big but I can't have a wedding close to home without it being a lot of people invited. His mom is great and is paying for half of the wedding, so we won't be in debt, thank God, but I would really have preferred to go off to an island somewhere.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way Men tend to have different ways of showing emotion & excitement than us women. I would bet that the financial stress of it all may be taking a toll on him, thats all. Especially him being a homeowner/business owner (which is fantastic btw) he's probably hustling and more stressed than ever. I know its easier said than done, but try not to take it personally. If he was having any concerns or doubts he would tell you straight up. Men don't deliberate like we do.

same here sin ce i told fh was we still owe, he has been even more distinterested than before. he is like to voice of doom. meanwhile unbeknownst to me, when I told him what we owed, i told him $5000 too much!!! By accident!! i am not telling him.. so maybe I can sneak something in!!!

SHHH!!!

Guys get totally weird when they think they can't 'provide' for us. Maybe try reminding him of how much he is giving you already... like the house. Maybe it will boost his ego.

Can you cut some things out of the wedding? Skip some things. (i.e. don't do floral centerpieces etc. ) Maybe that will make him happy too.

HTH!

Guys sometimes show their emotions very differently then we do. Money can def stress anyone out so that is probably why. I sometimes go crazy about saving money and get mad at FH for not putting enough money into joint account etc and we are getting alot of help paying for the wedding. Considering you are doing it on your own, it must be stressful. Of course he is excited..he wouldnt have done it if he didn't want it or wouldnt be excited...

You are going to have the most amazing day ever and everything will be well worth it ! He loves you

So Sorry~
Too bad we can't all have a money tree in our backyard. You are definately not alone with this at all in any way. Most of us have the same struggles. i think you are right and when the day is here he will be so overwhelmed with the beauty of it all... he won't be thinking of the money as you are walking down the aisle. I'm sure in some ways he is excited for it... even if the money thing drags him down a lil.

my FH is kinda getting annoyed about everyone asking him if he is excited. or telling him only so many days to go. it made me nervous at first, but i am not anymore. guys just are not as excited about the planning as we are. of course he is excited and just assumes ppl should not have to ask that. i am sure he will snap out of it.

im sorry u r going through this i think men just tend to think diffrent than us girls esp with the financal part.im sure its just stressing him out and being asked just remoinds him..it does not take away how much he loves you or how much he cant wait to be husband and wife..hth

I just had this same conversation with FH not 5 minutes ago. I told him he doesn't seem as excited as I do - his response 'I'm worried about the $$.'

I understand his panic, but I get annoyed at it. I am the one who is shouldering the entire burden of the wedding expense (he makes a lot less money than I do - which is an issue to him - not to me). Basically, he is saving his entire paycheck and we are living off my salary as well as paying for the wedding. I think it's his own insecurities making him feel this way. Men like to think that they are the providers - unfortunately that is how they define themselves.

'08er crashing.
I know your FH is probably worried about all the money you are spending. Believe me-its not easy to fork over all that cash. But maybe it's not just about the money. My DH was kind of complacent about the wedding until about 5 or 6 months before. Honestly maybe your FH just wants to be involved. My DH actually planned out and we made our favors-we made wine. That was his thing. He also did most of the music. He planned our entire honeymoon.

The fact is that when it gets a little closer to the wedding, he'll be more excited. Also I found my DH was more comfortable with 'guy things' like music, planning trips, etc. So ask your FH if he would help you with things like that. Good luck!

I'm sorry you're going through this...I can understand. I think that men just react this way, I'm sure most of our FHs have reacted in that way at some point or another. I'm sure that it's a money issue, and don't be down that it's you. Finances can really put a strain on couples. We're here for you if you need to vent

oh dont worry it will get better. Im kinda like your FH i wanted to get married in the tropics and spend 10k the most. but FH wanted to get married here. We both have really big familys but i said they would come. Money is always going to an issue between most couples especially when paying for a wedding yourself. Just try to cut back where you can and im sure hes double stressed being that he owns his own business.

aww, im sorry you have to be going thru that right now.. i hope that everything works out and just hope for the best! dont think negative! i am sure everything will work out.. its a bad time, we are in a crisis right now and it ***** cause i think EVERYONE is hurting and feeling it and it really does suck! we are planning a very nice and big wedding ourselves with almost everything booked and just thinking about the money spent and this terrible crisis we are all going thru right now scares me now too, so its normal to feel the way you are feeling! though we are getting a HUGE help from my parents and his parents for our wedding, it still scares us for the future with this crazy world we are living in! and i hope us wasting all this money in this big wedding i want to have doesnt come back to bite me in the A$$, hehe!

good luck with everything hun! :)

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Posted by Deeglasser

you are definitely not the only person feeling this way- FH and i have no money either... i can't speak for FH but it sounds like he is carrying a lot of the financial burden... this sounds crazy, but have you considered getting a second job to help pay for it? i am starting to work late for some overtime to stash away cash for a house... is this an option for you?

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I am thinking of catering on the weekends. My kickboxing coach does this on the side too. I wish I could do more. I teach all week and refuse to give up my gym/workout time so I cant work during the week.

Any weekend job suggestions? I wish I could bartend but FH would not have that!

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Posted by MrsZtoBe

Guys get totally weird when they think they can't 'provide' for us. Maybe try reminding him of how much he is giving you already... like the house. Maybe it will boost his ego.

Can you cut some things out of the wedding? Skip some things. (i.e. don't do floral centerpieces etc. ) Maybe that will make him happy too.

HTH!

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Well the RH is providing candelabras for me. And I am trying to DIY as much as I can...down to the invites. I am trying!!

dont worry bc the day of he wont be able to imagine a better wedding, he will think everything is perfect and will be so happy that day, you cant imagine doing it any different.

DH drove me nuts for the e-party, said i was doing too much to let it go, even right before he said i was crazy and im wasting my money on so many little things. Well day of the party he said ok now i understand why you did what you did and glad you did it.

Same with wedding day, although after eparty he shut up and let me do what i wanted to do lol.

But its weird bc to tell you the truth, i think some ppl probably wondered about me when they asked me about the wedding. I never answered OMG i am so excited or go on talking about it. People would ask me and hate to say it but sometimes i used to sigh and say yeah just stressed bc theres alot to do and pay for. So i dont think i usually gave an excited answer, i probably did the same face your fh is doing lol. I was extremely excited though about the day itself but all the planning and paying for things and constantly saving does get to you. I also am just not a person who will say OMG YES SOOOO EXCITED its just my personality lol. But the day of i was all smiles and best day of my life and it will be the same for your FH. Your day will be so perfect for the two of you that he cant imagine it have being any other way.

and to prove the point, look at all those wedding shows. Most grooms complain about the money being spent, or extras the bride gets and they dont understand the need for it. Then the day of their weddings they all admit the money was worth it and even the extras they didnt understand why the bride had to have, and say they were glad she did it lol.