NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.....I wanna scream!!!!

Okay, so i just finished reading another bride's post about the problems that she's having with her MOH, and that just got me sooo upset about my situation. My sister is supose to be my MOH, and in the beginning she was really involved and excited about the honor. Then like 3 months ago, she stopped calling, and showing any interest at all about the wedding (jeliousy i think). Its been about a month since i last seen/spoken to her, and i am sooo piss*d off at her. So i called her about 2 weeks ago and told her that i did not want her to be my MOH anymore (i just won't have one ), and she seemed fine with it. Now what do i do about her dess All my BMs dress are claret color, and her's is champagne....i wish i could dye that f*cking dress sooooooooo bad I DONT WANT HER TO STAND OUT AT ALL!!!! Now i have to think about changing the whole BM processional (she was supose to walk by herself). Another part of the problem is that my FSIL has been sooooooo great with helping me plan this wedding, i want HER to be my MOH instead (she totally deserves to be). Should i just have my FSIL walk in the processional alone (come in right before me), and have my sister be the first of the BMs to enter the church ( with the GM)?...what i can do...I F*CKING HATE HER RIGHT NOW FOR DOING THIS TO ME

*SO SORRY THAT ITS SO LONG *

I feel bad you are going through this. i dealing with something slightly different with one of my bms. you dont have a maid of honor? Is your sister still a Bridesmaid?

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Posted by RGV07

I feel bad you are going through this. i dealing with something slightly different with one of my bms. you dont have a maid of honor? Is your sister still a Bridesmaid?

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yeah, i figured since she bought the dress and all...she might as well wear it. thats the only reason why she's still a BM

Im sorry this is stressing you out. Hope you don't mind me giving you some perspective though. Sometimes, even with the closest of family members, we don't fully know or understand what the other person is going through. Maybe she is having a hard time. Why don't you ask her about it? And why she hasn't talked to you?? Yes, it is your special time right now, so express to her how she hurt you, if she did. To be honest though, I wouldn't have taken away the title of maid of honor from my sister just bc she wasnt focused on my wedding enough or doing enough, BUT that is just me!!!! I dont fully know everything about your situation. But I didnt choose my sisters to be my matrons of honor or my cousin to be my maid of honor bc of what i thought they would DO for me. I chose them bc they are my family and I love them and for the place they have had in my life. I would try to mend this instead of letting your relationship with your sister get destroyed over your wedding. Its supposed to be a happy time for you and your fh. Remember what the day is about. Its one day, but the marriage is the rest of your life. And your sister will always be your sister Try not to use the wedding to get back at her for your frustrations of what shes not doing for you (wanting to change her dress so she doesnt stand out, wanting to choose your fsil over her. Its just kinda rubbing things in her face but when you look back on all of it, you might regret doing those things). K, starting to babble now, but hopefully you understand what Im trying to say here. Best wishes in all of this!

JMO!!

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

Im sorry this is stressing you out. Hope you don't mind me giving you some perspective though. Sometimes, even with the closest of family members, we don't fully know or understand what the other person is going through. Maybe she is having a hard time. Why don't you ask her about it? And why she hasn't talked to you?? Yes, it is your special time right now, so express to her how she hurt you, if she did. To be honest though, I wouldn't have taken away the title of maid of honor from my sister just bc she wasnt focused on my wedding enough or doing enough, BUT that is just me!!!! I dont fully know everything about your situation. But I didnt choose my sisters to be my matrons of honor or my cousin to be my maid of honor bc of what i thought they would DO for me. I chose them bc they are my family and I love them and for the place they have had in my life. I would try to mend this instead of letting your relationship with your sister get destroyed over your wedding. Its supposed to be a happy time for you and your fh. Remember what the day is about. Its one day, but the marriage is the rest of your life. And your sister will always be your sister Try not to use the wedding to get back at her for your frustrations of what shes not doing for you (wanting to change her dress so she doesnt stand out, wanting to choose your fsil over her. Its just kinda rubbing things in her face but when you look back on all of it, you might regret doing those things). K, starting to babble now, but hopefully you understand what Im trying to say here. Best wishes in all of this!

JMO!!

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I was thinking the same thing......I know your wedding is in a couple of weeks, but this is important to talk to her about. She is your sister. Have a heart to heart with her.....nothing about the wedding. Just see what is going on with her. That may help you understand where she is coming from too............

I am sorry you are going through this...I went through it to...I actually took my sister out of the bridal party altogether! I resent her so much right now for putting me through all this crap! You'll get through it!

Have you talked to your sister about this? Really talked? Because it sounds like something happened, if she was excited in the beginning and now you never hear from her. Even if it's jealousy--that's a pretty natural emotion, we say it like it's such a terrible thing, but if you're not happy with your life, and you see your sister all happy and getting married and going ahead with hers, it's really hard to be all smiley and happy for her. Maybe she's avoiding you because she's unhappy with HER life and doesn't want you to know about it. Or doesn't think you'll listen, or have the time for her. But, remember she's your sister, she always has been, and always will be. The wedding is one day, but if you rub her face in it, as another poster said, she might not ever forgive you.

I'm not the best person to talk about this, my sister was my MOH and she got mad at me shortly after I got back from the honeymoon and I haven't heard from her in six weeks. I don't even know why she's mad. But she did something terrible to me on my wedding day that I'm never going to forget--it's the sort of crap she's always pulling, but because she did it a half hour before my wedding ceremony, I'm never going to forget it. And because of that, I don't feel like trying to find out why she's mad at me. Don't do the same thing to your sister. Find out what the problem is--maybe by the wedding you'll be really glad you did.

Good luck.

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Posted by betani

if you decide that you really don't want your sister as the MOH and you want your FSIL to take her place, can you just have them trade dresses?

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im sure that would go over well!

i see what youre saying but..yikes! talk about pitting your sister and fsil against eachother by having her replace your sister.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

Im sorry this is stressing you out. Hope you don't mind me giving you some perspective though. Sometimes, even with the closest of family members, we don't fully know or understand what the other person is going through. Maybe she is having a hard time. Why don't you ask her about it? And why she hasn't talked to you?? Yes, it is your special time right now, so express to her how she hurt you, if she did. To be honest though, I wouldn't have taken away the title of maid of honor from my sister just bc she wasnt focused on my wedding enough or doing enough, BUT that is just me!!!! I dont fully know everything about your situation. But I didnt choose my sisters to be my matrons of honor or my cousin to be my maid of honor bc of what i thought they would DO for me. I chose them bc they are my family and I love them and for the place they have had in my life. I would try to mend this instead of letting your relationship with your sister get destroyed over your wedding. Its supposed to be a happy time for you and your fh. Remember what the day is about. Its one day, but the marriage is the rest of your life. And your sister will always be your sister Try not to use the wedding to get back at her for your frustrations of what shes not doing for you (wanting to change her dress so she doesnt stand out, wanting to choose your fsil over her. Its just kinda rubbing things in her face but when you look back on all of it, you might regret doing those things). K, starting to babble now, but hopefully you understand what Im trying to say here. Best wishes in all of this!

JMO!!

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ditto

i don't know if there is more that you have not elaborated on---but SOLEY BASED on what you have told us----i hate to say it, but i think you overreacted alot. (like i said--i'm just going by the little you said in the post) to call up your sister and say 'you are not m,y MOH anymore cause you haven't given enough interest to my satisfaction, to my wedding--therefore you are being demoted' i just think that sounds a bit much. i know that you want your MOH to be as 100% excited about your wedding as you---but its just not gonna happen. NO ONE and i mean NO ONE will be 100% as dedicated to your wedding and put it in their #1 priority like you and your FH.

weddings come and go and last a day---your sister is your sister for the rest of your life. don't strain the relationship for the rest of your life simply because she didn't seem as helpful as you wanted her to be.


and once more--i'm just going on what you said in the post--- that is what my response is based on.

I have to say I kind of feel both ways about the situation.
My MOH was not my sister but she is/was my Best Friend for YEARS! She was very uninterested, constantly making comments about everything I decided on. I dont mean the regular comments either. I didnt ask them to bend over backwards to come to appointments or meet with me-I know they have their own lives and schedules and its not always easy.

BUT the day of my wedding all day up until the ceremony I was going to switch her out and have someone else stand in as my MOH. She talked ALOT of $hit to other people in the BP (not even HER friends but people who JUST met her) and did some really stupid things at my rehearsal dinner. Did I switch her out...NO should I have YES!

I have to agree though that she is your sister and thats what makes it more complicated. Talk to her-see if there is something going on that maybe she hasnt said to you b/c she doesnt want to upset you, or thinks that you may not care. There may be an issue that she wants to deal with herself and b/c of that has become distant. If there isnt a good reason then I would ask her if she knows how important she is to you and how important a role she is playing on your wedding day? She may not realize how much it means to you. I would say try and work it out before you do anything you may regret

Good Luck-its a tough decision either way