Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

LuckiestGirl Posted: Apr 20, 2007 01:52 PM

Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

So I asked my FH mother to give me her invitation count. . . We are figuring on 200 adults at our wedding. . . I told her my parents need 42 she gets back to me a week later and tells me she needs 86 invites that in itself is almost 200 people she was like 'well i have to invite them all i dont want any problems'.....SHE DOESNT WANT PROBLEMS my parents are paying for everything and i think since that is the case she should cut her list .... I also think if she is going to invite all those people she should pay for any above the 200 since my parents are only inviting a total of 76 people. . . . . what do you think please give me feedback am i wrong

SuzArtie69 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 01:56 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

Honestly, I would tell her that the budget is really tight and you need to reduce your count to 42. If she insist then tell her she has to pay for the rest and you need that now.

I think she'll change her tune. It's so easy for someone to invite people when they don't have to pay for it. Good luck !

MJDoc12 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 01:58 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

cut her list...plain and simple. tell her that your parents have said that the list has to be cut, cause they are the ones paying for it.

it always amazes me how when ppl are NOT paying, that they think they have a right to tell you WHO they MUST invite to YOUR wedding.

get your FH to help you on this one, cause it will be a battle!

BlushingBride714 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 01:58 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

You are absolutely right! If you're parents are generous enough to pay for the RH and they set the limit at 200, then FMIL should have to pay for any guests she invites beyond the 200 cut off. Unless your parents are the Rockfellars!!! We actually had the same problem. My advice is, approach the problem head on and don't try to be the nice guy - you know what they say, the nice guy always loses! I would tell FMIL flat out that if she wants to invite that people over her limit, she is going to have to cough up the cash. You'd be surprised how quickly she trims the list!

LuckiestGirl Posted: Apr 20, 2007 01:59 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

Thanks... her answer to that was she gave us an engagement party. .. but i know that cost them 3,000 and my parents invited a total of 32 people to it. . . . my wedding is already costing my parents over 40,000 they cant afford more . . . . im just so pissed

lilangel Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:01 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

I agree cuter her list to the number that is required and tell her to pay for the added amount. Be strong and stick to your guns on this one. Because believe me you might start hearing the violins come out.

BlushingBride714 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:02 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

Posted by LuckiestGirl

Thanks... her answer to that was she gave us an engagement party. .. but i know that cost them 3,000 and my parents invited a total of 32 people to it. . . . my wedding is already costing my parents over 40,000 they cant afford more . . . . im just so pissed

WHAT?!?!?! She is NOT nickle and diming!!! Holy cr@p! This woman has balls. Tell her flat out - this is her limit and she needs to either submit to it are hand over the difference!!! Now she is making ME mad!

jessruth9 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:03 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

I had the same exact problem. FH spoke to her and got no reaction. At this point my dad is going to talk to her when she comes over in 2 weeks. it's so ridiculous - half of the people on her list FH doesn't even know!

LuckiestGirl Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:04 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

Thanks - - - I mean I am so heated over this and I mean Im at work so I dont want to call her now but I dont even want to look at her she got me so mad

DananTodd Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:04 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

This is what I say to FMIL's...

THEN

kris01 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:04 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

explain to her your budget and that you parents cut their invite list as well.
I went through this with my FMIL when she wanted to invite her cousins kids kids and her best friends grandson who is 5...I told her that we are not having kids except bp (fh's nieces/nephews) at the wedding sorry...she seemed alittle annoyed but got over it quick

LuckiestGirl Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:05 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

See same thing here, shes inviting their accountant *** does he need to come. . . my parents are inviting people who are in my life I dont see my mom inviting people i never met .... but his mom is inviting everyone, i mean she is inviting her friends sons in-laws who the FH never met and he doesnt know the son either. . . I mean come on now

cookiemonster Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:06 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

I wouldn't even bring your parents into it to say 'my parents say you have to cut your list.' Tell her YOU say she has to cut her list because she is not contributing financially to the wedding. You don't want to cause bad blood between the parents by making it sound like 'their fault,' which is what it will sound like to someone who seems to have no regard for anyone but herself!!

FMILs *****

Aug07OFCbride Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:08 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

I don't think youre wrong by any means. This has got to be frustrating. Is there anyway FH can talk to her about this? She needs to cut the list or she really she put money towards those who will go over whatever your parents have budgeted for. JMO.

alicia721 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:17 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

I agree!

LuckiestGirl Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:21 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

It gets better. .. . . She kept asking me if my mom got her dress. . . so me and my mom went out shoppin for a gown so FMIL would leave me alone about it. . . we found a gown but my mom wasnt feeling good so we left but we knew she wanted that one. . .FMIL asked what color so i told her BLUE. . . . a month later FMIL calls me and was like I bought my dress today it is BLUE. . . when i told her the dress my mom wants is blue she told me well she didnt get it yet.. . now you have to know my FMIL is thin my mother is not so it is harder for my mom to find something she looks good in . .. plus my mom is sick- has some minor health problems that pervents us from going out shoppin a lot of the time. . . . So now my mom had to get a totally different dress because the FMIL has to have it her way... So i know there will be more Venting coming along if she is like this already!!!!!

mskittynj Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:27 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

You are NOT wong!!!!!!!!!! stick to your guns!!!! Make her cut her list or pay!! why should YOUR parents be burdened???
XOXOXO
Kitty

bonitachyc Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:30 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

my GOD she sounds like she's BALLS! not only with the guest list but with your mom's DRESS?!!? wow hun, i dunno how you're gonna deal with her but she sounds like she's going to be the vain of your existance!! i'm sooo sorry you have her as your FMIL!!!

angelover02740 Posted: Apr 20, 2007 02:31 PM

Re: Need to Vent about F-mother-in-law

I dont think you are wrong, Im kinda in the same boat, I told FH this morning, no more people, that's it, If I were you I would just tell FMIL anyone over 200 she has to pay,

Then she will think really hard if its worth it or not.