need to vent alittle.

For the past few weeks, my mom and I have been trying to figure out how I can get my grandparents down to LI for our wedding. They live upstate by Cortland. My grandpa is unable to drive long distances. My mom and grandma have been talking on and off about how to get here and if they will be able to. So today My mom told her that FH and I would get them. Then my grandma started yelling at her. 'WE cant get there and we dont want them to get us' Then what really hurt... 'Dont you get it, WE DONT WANT TO GO.' Then my grandpa is yelling for her to hang up. My mom felt like she was slapped in the face. She couldn't believe that she said that to her.My mom was in tears. And when she told me I was soo up set and started crying too. My FH is annoyed.
FMIL was in the room while I was crying and said oh well then there is 2 more places to invite people. And oh well maybe you should have waited alonger to ask her, and not to howned her. But my mom wasnt. Im soo upset I feel as if I dont want to talk to her any more. sorry. Thank you for listening to me.

Awww I'm so sorry!!

Maybe she was just upset bc she realized she can't do things like she used to? I hoe everything works out!

im sorry u have to deal with that!

I'm sorry to hear that. My father is an older 72y/o. He has alot of medical problems and when I told him he couldn't drive anymore it was like taking away all his freedom.

I don't know your family but maybe she said that out of anger. They must feel horrible about not having a way to your wedding. And probably feel even worse about having you and FH have to go all the way over there to pick them up. Its inconvenient for a bride and groom to put everything on hold to give someone a ride, thats how I think they took it.

---

Posted by tonysbride09

I don't know your family but maybe she said that out of anger. They must feel horrible about not having a way to your wedding. And probably feel even worse about having you and FH have to go all the way over there to pick them up. Its inconvenient for a bride and groom to put everything on hold to give someone a ride, thats how I think they took it.

---

I was going to say the exact same thing. I don't think it's that they don't want to go, it's that they are embarrassed and upset that they can't do it themselves and they don't want to rely on anyone else (especially the bride and groom) to get them there.

Give it time, I'm sure that you can all find a solution. Your grandparents love you and I am sure that they would want to see you get married.

ITA with the girls above - though it's hard to separate it - I don't want to go is very different than ' I don't want to be there' I don't want to go can be - we will be in pain in the car - we are uncomfortable using public bathrooms, etc etc. .. I still think obviously it could have been handled differently but who knows how they would react. .. I remember when my grandfather (who was a HUGE baseball - like he played minor league, owned a c league team, etc) was older and the Mets were in the playoffs we got him seats in a lux box and he didn't want to go at all and it would have been his DREAM to be there. . .I know that's not the same but just know that it has prob so much more to do with them than with you !!

Ugh Im so sorry to hear that. I can imagine your hurt. But in defense of your Grandma older people are cranky and alot of time miserable and say things they do not mean. I am sure she did not mean it the way it came out. They are probably just tired and elderly and not up for making the trip.

When things cool down maybe you can send her a card with a little note explaining the importance of her presence and how it would mean the world to you. Maybe even mention you were hurt. HTH good luck!

---

Posted by chicky724

Awww I'm so sorry!!

Maybe she was just upset bc she realized she can't do things like she used to? I hope everything works out!

---

ITA. Maybe this is what it is. Elderly people get like this when they can't go somewhere. I am sure they want to be there. I hope they change their mind though! Hopefully something can be worked out.

I'm so sorry that you were upset like that. It probably was the anger talking, like the other girls have said...but that doesn't excuse it

Oh wow! That's strange. This is your grandmother? Are you close to her? It sounds like there is something else going on. I think they are upset over something that may or may not even be related to the wedding. It could be that they are upset over something to do with themselves internally and they are taking it out on you and your wedding... or they are upset with your mom or you? IDK. But with older people it's hard to tell. It may very well be they feel bad for not being able to do things they once could and knowing they have to put people out might drive them a tad nuttty. Sometimes people get mad and take it out in strange ways. Either way, I am sooo sorry. But you can't let it effect you too much... don't let it bring you down too much... you are supposed to be happy during this time. And if she wants to act this way.. then just give her space. You will still have your wedding... regardless of if they decide to come or not... you will still be more than happy on that day. And FH is right... if they don't come then it is 2 more seats. I sorry!

---

Posted by Brat23

Ugh Im so sorry to hear that. I can imagine your hurt. But in defense of your Grandma older people are cranky and alot of time miserable and say things they do not mean. I am sure she did not mean it the way it came out. They are probably just tired and elderly and not up for making the trip.

When things cool down maybe you can send her a card with a little note explaining the importance of her presence and how it would mean the world to you. Maybe even mention you were hurt. HTH good luck!

---

I agree with this suggestion!

---

Posted by julesrbf

---

Posted by tonysbride09

I don't know your family but maybe she said that out of anger. They must feel horrible about not having a way to your wedding. And probably feel even worse about having you and FH have to go all the way over there to pick them up. Its inconvenient for a bride and groom to put everything on hold to give someone a ride, thats how I think they took it.

---

I was going to say the exact same thing. I don't think it's that they don't want to go, it's that they are embarrassed and upset that they can't do it themselves and they don't want to rely on anyone else (especially the bride and groom) to get them there.

Give it time, I'm sure that you can all find a solution. Your grandparents love you and I am sure that they would want to see you get married.

---

ITA I remember how my grandparents were when they couldn't get around anymore. My mom is old school and would rather stay home then have someone go out of their way for her. I'm sure they think of it as doing everyone a favor. Give it time maybe things will change.

im so sorry..i dont know why fmil said that..imo that was just bad timing..she prob said that out of anger or frustrations

as for grandparents i just think when u get older and its hard to get around like u use to its frustrating..im sure they would love to go but maybe feel like a burden..u still have a couple months..hopefully as time gets closer they will change their minds..hth good luck

I hope she does change her mind. Every time wehave something bothering us, we can always make eachother feel better. Thank you ladies

Oh man that is terrible. I agree with the other girls that they probably don't mean they don't want to be there, but they don't want to travel. Traveling is hard on that age.

I am dealing with something similar- my grandparents (my moms dad and step-mom) live in FL and they won't fly and my grandpa can't drive that far all the way to NY. Luckily my aunt lives in FL so they could ride with them, but my step-grandma is already hinting that she doens't want to come. My mom and I will be upset and I know my grandpa would want to be there but my step-grandma is like a hermit and doesn't get out of her chair all day. :( but he is my only living 'real' grandparent!

On a side note, where do they live up here? I am living in the same area going to grad school (SUNY Cortland).

Awww I'm so sorry!!

---

Posted by julesrbf

---

Posted by tonysbride09

I don't know your family but maybe she said that out of anger. They must feel horrible about not having a way to your wedding. And probably feel even worse about having you and FH have to go all the way over there to pick them up. Its inconvenient for a bride and groom to put everything on hold to give someone a ride, thats how I think they took it.

---

I was going to say the exact same thing. I don't think it's that they don't want to go, it's that they are embarrassed and upset that they can't do it themselves and they don't want to rely on anyone else (especially the bride and groom) to get them there.

Give it time, I'm sure that you can all find a solution. Your grandparents love you and I am sure that they would want to see you get married.

---

I totally agree with this. They don't want to be a burden, and they know you are busy right now. For you to have to come all the way up to Cortlandt to pick them up - they just don't want to be a burden, and they don't want you to have to do it.

And most of all, they don't want you to know they feel that way, because then, like all of us, you'd just say 'I'm coming to get you.'

The only way they can be sure you don't make the trip is to say they don't want to go. They don't want to hurt you, they just don't want to put you out.

And also, remember that older people have a lot of issues, and I know for some, they feel safer being closer to home. the reasons vary, from bathroom to difficulty getting around. they may be very proud and don't want to cause any issue whatsoever.

I would wait a few days and call my grandmother. I'd say something like 'I respect your decision not to come. I know it's very far away. It hurt me to hear that you don't WANT to come, though, and I hope that's not the case.'

Try to understand that there could be factors at play that you have no idea of.

Of course, I don't know them, and they may really be unkind, but if they were, I don't think it would have hurt you so much.

I hope everything gets resolved. Best of luck!!

I can definately see how upsetting this would be for you... And for your FMIL to have that kind of outlook/attitude is crazy. Thats def one place where her nose shouldnt be!

My grandfather also doesnt want to come to my wedding... But in my case, I couldnt care less bc I can prob count on 1 hand how many times Ive seen him (he lives in Maine)... His brother is more of a grandfather to me and adores FH... So hes told us that he will be dragging my grandfather along with him since he too lives in Maine... Its a really sad situation

Just wait a while and you will see how they change their mind.