Need to vent and advice

This is a long story so I will try to be brief as possible.....

My brother has been going out with his girlfriend for 7 years (they are high school sweethearts)

When I got engaged my brother asked me to ask her to be in the wedding. At the time the two of them had both just finished college and were very serious about their future together. Against my better judgement I did ask her, mostly BC my bro is very laid back so I know it was important to him or he would not have asked. Well that was over 2 years ago and she and I have become very close.

Last week she broke up with my brother. My brother and her have continued to talk and he told me she is still coming to the wedding. My brother thinks that will get back together, but I am not sure.

The thing that is getting me is that she is avoiding me. She has not called or tried to contact me in any way. I think she may feel guilty but I feel like I need to discuss things with her.

I don't know what to do, I just don't want things to be awkward or there to be tension the day of the wedding. She is a BM and she may think she is doing the right thing by still coming but she has hurt my bro pretty badly and I want him, and the rest of my family to enjoy the wedding. However, if they do get back together I don't want things to be weird between she and I.

Through out my whole wedding process I have just kept saying I wanted to have a drama free wedding, I have been successful at that until now, and I just don't know what to do.

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Posted by futurearias

send her a message expressing exactly how you feel & go from there

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I agree. I think the best thing to do in this case is address her directly and tell her exactly your concerns. She's been avoiding you. Does she feel guilty about what happened between her and your brother and thinks that you won't be happy with her or what?

The best way to keep it drama free is just to make sure you express your concerns. Make sure she feels comfortable too, but the number one priority is that you and your family are happy.

Good luck:)

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Posted by pauladanielle

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Posted by futurearias

send her a message expressing exactly how you feel & go from there

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I agree. I think the best thing to do in this case is address her directly and tell her exactly your concerns. She's been avoiding you. Does she feel guilty about what happened between her and your brother and thinks that you won't be happy with her or what?

The best way to keep it drama free is just to make sure you express your concerns. Make sure she feels comfortable too, but the number one priority is that you and your family are happy.

Good luck:)

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Yes, defit send her an email. wow, drama free this whole time? good for you!

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Posted by LMEL1223

thanks ladies

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WOW - you are so close to your wedding...she couldn't have waited until AFTER to break up with him? LOL

Listen, you need to speak with this girl. Call, email, text, go to her house if you have to. It's your brother and he's probably very upset.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Re: Need to vent and advice


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Posted by futurearias

send her a message expressing exactly how you feel & go from there
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I agree just tell her how you feel she may understand and you never know they may get back together maybe they just needed a breather from one another

This EXACT situation happened to a friend, except it was her sister who wanted her bf to be a groomsman. So her sister is older and lives together with her bf and they have a 5 year old son together. needless to say, they were serious. so my friend's fiance went ahead and asked him to be in the wedding. about 3 months out from the wedding they broke up. it was an an easy decision for her and her FH- he was out of the wedding party. it was an easy decision for them- he was asked to be in the wedding b/c he was 'family' and when he wasn't anymore, they didn't want him in the wedding (even though they were close). but they didn't ask anyone to fill his spot just in case they got back togehter. low and behold, they did! and he was back in the wedding and now they are engaged.

my advice to you is to think about why you asked her in the first place- if is because you are close and you see her being part of the family in the future, the fact that they are broken up should give your your answer. while i wish the best for them and that they get back together, to keep her in the wedding when they are split up is risky- if they never get back together then you will have her in your wedding pictures for the rest of your life, a constant reminder of a relationship that ended poorly. like my friend did, you could always take her out and then if they ae back together put her back in.

I agree with most of the girls. Be upfront. If you've avoided drama up until a week before your wedding you are doing something incredibly correct.... what ever it is, keep doing it!!!

Always remember, blood is thicker than water. Talk to your brother too. As laid back as he may be, he might have some strong opinions on what he wants.

Good luck!!

um, before you talk to her I think you need to talk to your BROTHER! It sounds like you want family to be the priority anyway and not be stressed or have drama. So find out first what he is comfortable with.

Then get in touch with her and discuss what you should do.

I spoke to my brother and he really wants her to be there and be in the wedding party. So know I still dont know what to do because Im not sure I want that.
He feels that if she dosent come than everyone will be asking about it and it will take away from FH and my wedding day.

I haven't reached out to her yet because I honestly still dont know what to do