NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

mirm19 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:24 PM

NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

I swear i could kill her. I have 2 sister in laws. One who fights to be the center of attention at all times and needs to do everything before us. That is, have kids. Anyway, the other one, the one i'm going to kill or never speak to again.

This is the situation. We are having our engagement party next month. May 17. SHe lives in Colarodo. SHe emails me and tells me that she spent $500 on a mountain bike and went away for the weekend... and so on. BUT, she may not be able to come home for the party, because she can't afford it. My fiance, her brother, is having a fit because he feels and i agree, that family comes first. Her mother tells me that she is definetly not coming home for the party. That she may be coming home the week before the party. Why bother. Apparently there is something that she wants to be back in Colarodo for on the 18th of May.
That to her is more important than her brother. I asked my mother in law if her daughter can even afford to be in the bridal party. SHe told me not to worry, that she would pay if need be. Well the way i feel is, if she doesn't come to the engagement party, then i don't want her in my wedding party.

Am i wrong? THis is a 24 year old educated bright young lady. She moved out west to snowboard and live freely. She has no priorities and doesn't care about anyone elses feelings. What do i do?

Thanks for listening.

kelly6273 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:29 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

I'm sorry that she's doing this to you!

Scoop Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:30 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Obviously she is very selfish. You shouldn't stress over what you cannot control. If she doesn't come to her own brother's engagement party because of a snow bike then she is the one people will laugh at.

As for the wedding party, that is completely your choice and decision. Do what feels right.

v-daywedding Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:34 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

I am sorry that she is doing this to you. I know how you feel about sister in laws to be , I have one that is truly my 'sister' and another who I can not stand being in the same room with!

butterfly20 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:47 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

i would be upset if that were me. theres something wrong with her priorities, maybe she doesnt want to be in the bridal party? You can say that going to the engagement party is a prerequisite for being in the bridal party,that if she doesnt go to the engagement party how do you know she'll even make it to the bridal shower, or the rehersal. Say you need dependable people that show up to all events. I think it would sound better coming from your fiance, cause from the bride it may sound like the bride is being selfish(which your not)

WishCandy Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:51 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Definitely let your fiance be the one to say something - if & when you decide to.... I'm so sorry this is happening to you. People can be so selfish!

suze Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:51 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

I don't mean to be crass but you've got to much to worry about and dedicate your time and emotions to then her. If she doesn't want to be there -- than so be it. One thing I have learned is you can't force family to care more than they do. Though, yes, of course, you can be sad for your future husband that she does not want to share in the day. But...move on, have a great time with those that will be there, congratulations on your upcoming marriage, and enjoy your party!

Claud2001 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:53 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Attending an engagement party is not a prerequisite for being in someone's BP. But, if you feel that this person is just not responsible and you don't want to bestow the BP honor on her, than just don't. You are not obligated to have your FI's siblings stand up for you on your wedding day, unless it is something that HE truly wants also. However, it sounds to me like he knows his sister's true colors and that she has her own set of 'rules' that she lives by.

kelly6273 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:55 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Well said suze!!!

LnP2003 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 12:55 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

u sure you're not speaking about my sister!!!!!!

she who has time and $ for everything else in the world....

112903 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 06:12 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

THat is terrible..... I am sorry to hear that his sister is being like that.

mirm19 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 06:54 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Thank you all for your help. I just spoke to my MOH and she informed me that she called my sister in law to ask her if she would like to contribute to a group gift. SIL informed MOH that she can't make it to the party because airfare is to expensive that week and that is why she is coming in the week before. HOwever she still is leaving before the party. Anyway, SIL said that she would love to contribute to a gift.

Please, she makes me sick and my in laws are constantly defending her. Whatever!
My fiance is never going to forgive her. He even offered to pay the difference of the ticket. This should be interesting.

Thanks again.

Olgaki Posted: Apr 17, 2003 07:33 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Ugh this sounds disgusting! I agree with what the other ladies said. Do what feels right to you and don't stress TOO bad about her not coming to your engagement party. As much as it totally sickens you, some people are all about themselves. Let them be and not ruin your day!

maysie18 Posted: Apr 17, 2003 07:37 PM

Re: NEED TO VENT. .... GOING TO KILL SISTER IN LAW

Altho it sounds like your FSIL is doing thing kinda messed up, I personally wouldn't kick her outta the BP cuz she couldn't attend the engagement party, especially since she's offering to chip in for a gift, that shows she cares. Guess it depends on how important it is to you tho. I'd be more upset about her not attending the shower(s) & wedding,

Is there anyway you can move the engagement party up 1 week to when you know she'll be in town if its that important to your fiance? Saving him $ (re: difference in ticket price). no you shouldn't have to rearrange your schedule to accomodate her, I get that, but if he really wants her there & its not too much of an inconvenience . .

I'm having troubles w/my FSIL too & have taken the attitude that I'll inform her of everything that's happening, invite her & all that. Its up to her to attend/do what SHE needs/has to do, i.e., give $, buy the dress, get fitted, etc. I'm not gonna chase anyone down cuz honestly I just don't have the time or patience for all that (wedding or no)

Like said above, as brides we've already got so much other stuff to deal with - we're all adults - no time for hand holding. I'd keep her informed but if you're not sure you can depend on her don't give her any tasks that you can't trust her completing.

& ITA to let your fiance do the talking with her so you don't somehow catch the blame for her actions. Good luck!