Need your Advice...please

kittyke Posted: Jul 07, 2003 11:07 AM

Need your Advice...please

Thanks all for your advice, I had to delete post.

butterfly20 Posted: Jul 07, 2003 11:24 AM

Re: Need your Advice...please

I really cant give you an answer, if it were me personally I would level with the aunt and tell her what had happened...

swags1016 Posted: Jul 07, 2003 11:42 AM

Re: Need your Advice...please

me too! I don't know how valuable the friendship is. Is this typical of her. I would also talk to her Mom and tell her how you feel.

BriBri529 Posted: Jul 07, 2003 11:45 AM

Re: Need your Advice...please

I would explain as nicely as possible what happened and maybe also explain that since everything is going to be split only between three people that it might be too much of a financial burden on you (since you are recovering financially from your own wedding).

Misty Posted: Jul 07, 2003 11:46 AM

Re: Need your Advice...please

If there is one thing I learned in all of this is that you can't be a ****er. If this girl did nothing for you but give grief, I wouldn't stoop to her level, but I'd level with her aunt and cousin and I'd limit my input. Tell them this is what I'm willing to do, no more no less, and don't bother giving an explanation with regards to what she didn't do for you. Just explain that it's nothing personal or against them, but that prior issues make it that you feel this is all you can and should do.

2003wedding. Posted: Jul 07, 2003 11:49 AM

Re: Need your Advice...please

i would tell them that you would love to help in any way (decorating, planning, etc.) but that you wouldn't be able to help financially bc of your own expenses.......this way your helping but at the same time won't feel like you went all out b/c she didn't for you.......

Boop2704 Posted: Jul 07, 2003 12:34 PM

Re: Need your Advice...please

Tell them you can't afford to split it three ways like that. It is just too expensive. I know I have busted my butt for my friends shower and Bachelorette party and helping her in any way possible with the wedding, and I know she will not do the same. My mother is planning on paying for my whole shower. But I was the better person, and did what I felt was right. You have to do what you think is right. If you choose to go through with it, you will look like the better person and your friend will feel like a complete @ss!!!

sanmik Posted: Jul 07, 2003 12:38 PM

Re: Need your Advice...please

I would let them know you can't afford it, but she should understand because you understood when she couldn't do it for you.

goldilocks Posted: Jul 07, 2003 01:27 PM

Re: Need your Advice...please

I would NOT discuss the specifics of her contribution to your own event, that will make you look petty, even though I totally agree with you!
Instead, tell them that financially it is a bit much for you and if you contribute to that, it will be your gift. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
You could get a small token gift, like a vase or a frame, but don't feel obligated to do something if you don't want to. You'll be irked about it long after the event!

spazybride04 Posted: Jul 07, 2003 01:37 PM

Re: Need your Advice...please

I agree with *goldilocks*... don't tell the aunt and cousin what she didn't do for you... just tell them that you will help in anyway possible but financially might be a problem... and when you find out how much the total that you are'supposed' to chip in... then give as much as you can and say you 'll make up the rest in decorating..
While you may want to level with her family, it might not be the best decision.. it might come back and bite ya in the butt... BUT... when she comes back from her honeymoon, be the first one on the phone asking how much she made... LOL...

Good Luck!