Need your opinions..Is this rude? (long)

Ok girls…I need your advice…

In Feb, FI and & had an e-party and because his parents were throwing it for us, we invited only immediate family and a few close friends. I decided to only invite those girls who I was considering having for bridesmaids.

Well…here is the dilemma…I had 6 best friends in high school of whom I was closest to 2 of them. The 3 of us were inseperatable. I barely talk to any of them anymore except for one who I am still REALLY close with which is one of the 2 that I was closest with in HS. I only talk to the rest of them when we all go out for each others’ birthdays (which is 7 times a year). When we do go out though, it’s just like old times, we have a great time!

I invited the 2 who I was closest with to the e-party knowing I was definitely making one of them a bm and unsure about the other one. I am still unsure about the other one...I mean we have talked ONCE since the e-party which was in the beginning of Feb. I feel like she doesn’t really deserve to be in it anymore but I also don’t want to hurt her feelings. I don’t know if she will be hurt or if she’ll even care when she finds the friend I am still close with is in it and she is not. And will she notice that she was the only one who was at the e-party that is not in the bridal party (except for family of course)? Is that rude? She will be the only one who was at e-party and not in bridal party....

I got my close friend to ask her “If you were getting married…who would be in your bridal party?” and she started naming names but didn’t mention me. Then my close friend was like, “How about andreia? Would you put her in it?” and she said “Oh and yea, andreia too.”

Also, she is always with her boyfriend, always MIA, never home and doesn’t have a cell which makes it a mission to find her…..I feel like it will turn into a hassle trying to track down where she is….

Ahhh….I don’t know what to do please help!!

BTW: my sis is my MOH, and I have already asked my close friend from HS, FI’s sister and 2 other close friends from college to be my bridesmaids….

sounds like the initial 'pain' of not having her in it will alleviate you of a royal pain down the road. you need to pick people based on the present, not the past. People grow and change, if she's unavailable to you now, she won't be in the coming months either. JMHO

Good luck

I think your BP party is big enough, no need to add someone that doesn't really want to be there. If she's hurt you'll just have to explain that you didn't think she would be up for it. You can certainly still include her in a special way on your big day. Ask her to do be a reader or something like that. If she's a true friend she'll understand.

IMO I would not ask her to be in bp- i had a friend like that that I was unsure of because she is always mia- same kind of thing.n long story short i didn't ask her and thank goodness because she has been a total pain in the a$$!! plus the past two weeks she has not called me once!!

I would ask her to do a reading if I were you...

Thanks girls...I am not going to ask, not going to mention it unless she ever brings it up. I guess I was feeling guilty of not putting her in it but by your responses, I feel as if I shouldn't have to....

Thanks for listening and for the advice. You girls are the best.

Listen.. I had a similar situation, only I was the one who wasnt asked to be in the bridal party and I was hurt beyond belief, but you know what?? I got over it and Im sure your friend will as well. I actually have a girl in my bridal party that I have known for years, but she moved out to LI (I live in SI). We arent nearly asd close as we once was but, I felt that my bridal party would not be complete without her. i dont think that there are any specific guidelines as to who you should ask to be in your bridal party, but you do need to really be sure that the girls you do ask will be reliable, and who would actually WANT to be a part of your big day.

I've heard so many stories of how brides chose girls who were completely unreliable and who just had no interest of being a part of their bridal party. To me, I feel that asking someone to be in a bridal party is one of the biggest honors. If you feel that your bridal party will be complete with her...def ask her. Dont ask because your afraid that if you dont, your relationship with her will be hindered because if thats the case, shes not a real friend int he first place. Like I said.. I had a similar situation.. only on the other side.. someone I truly thought was going to ask me didnt and I was sooooo bitter about it, but got over it. Do what you feel is right.. Follow your heart, and dont worry about anything else. Remember.. Its your day.

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Posted by SIBride06

Listen.. I had a similar situation, only I was the one who wasnt asked to be in the bridal party and I was hurt beyond belief, but you know what?? I got over it and Im sure your friend will as well. I actually have a girl in my bridal party that I have known for years, but she moved out to LI (I live in SI). We arent nearly asd close as we once was but, I felt that my bridal party would not be complete without her. i dont think that there are any specific guidelines as to who you should ask to be in your bridal party, but you do need to really be sure that the girls you do ask will be reliable, and who would actually WANT to be a part of your big day.

I've heard so many stories of how brides chose girls who were completely unreliable and who just had no interest of being a part of their bridal party. To me, I feel that asking someone to be in a bridal party is one of the biggest honors. If you feel that your bridal party will be complete with her...def ask her. Dont ask because your afraid that if you dont, your relationship with her will be hindered because if thats the case, shes not a real friend int he first place. Like I said.. I had a similar situation.. only on the other side.. someone I truly thought was going to ask me didnt and I was sooooo bitter about it, but got over it. Do what you feel is right.. Follow your heart, and dont worry about anything else. Remember.. Its your day.

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Wow...thanks for bringing in the other side of the perspective. It definetely helps... I am not going to ask her and if she brings it up I will be honest with her and tell her why.

I'm sorry about you and your friend and I actually think I remember seeing your post about this. What I can say to you is that this has been bothering me since January...lurking in the back of my mind...Should I? Shouldn't I? It's really not an easy decision to make and I truly don't want to hurt her in any way....Honestly, I'm sure your friend didn't mean to hurt you either. She probably had her own reasons. Thanks for your help. It truly means a lot!