Nervous about asking for money. - repost for soon2BmsZ

divabride Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:54 PM

Nervous about asking for money. - repost for soon2BmsZ

Had my first wedding blues last night and I still have 19 months left. I realized last night that I am planning a wedding, and I have NO MONEY. I spoke with my sis (MOH) and she said to stop being so scared and to go and talk to Mom and Dad about how much they are giving me. I feel akward and embarrassed, so I was hoping you guys could tell me your experiences. How did you do it? What did you say? How did it go? Im all ready going bonkers!!!

MarcellaBella Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:56 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

DH and I paid for it on our own, so I can't help you but I wanted to wish you good luck!

Spot12905 Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:56 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Well you can save money each week. If you go with your budget it will help you plan how much you can put away.

NYCHICK Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:56 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

I just asked really.......my mohter was half asleep so probably that is why she gave in so easily to my figure. I am sure they expect you to ask. Just start talking about the wedding and then work it into your conversation.

ps - It kinda depends on you relationship with your parents so you really are the best judge of how and when. Good Luck

SReidy Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:56 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Our parents kind of took it upon themselves to get the 6 of us together and discuss what we were all envisioning and how much each would be willing to contribute, etc... I think you should bring it up by saying now that you're looking into halls you were hoping to figure out approx how many guests each side has and hope that they get the hint. That's what I would do since I feel like you do about asking for money.

nferrandi Posted: Feb 23, 2004 02:57 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

It's actually not that bad. Just ask them to set some time aside to talk about the wedding. Let them know that you're trying to move ahead with planning so you need to set a budget for yourself and work within those confines. Just come right out and ask them how much they will be able to afford to put towards your wedding. There's really no other way of doing it than being straight forward. It's not like they're not expecting to have this conversation, so go ahead and do it. It will really put your nerves at ease to know what you're working with.

MrHostility Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:00 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Try something like,

'Mom, we are trying to put together a budget for the wedding. I was hoping you and dad would be able to contribute something to help us out. If you can't, we understand. We just want to figure out now much we need to personally save towards it.'

Jordan Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:00 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Posted by MarcellaBella

DH and I paid for it on our own, so I can't help you but I wanted to wish you good luck!

Same here.

We opened a joint savings acct. and have money deposited directly into it every week. You'd be surprised how quickly it adds up.

divabride Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:03 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

SReidy, figuring that would be the easiest way, that's exactly what I did. All of them gave me a list, but none of them offered $. Now Im at a point where it's between 2 halls. One is far away but cheap, the other is closer but more expensive. I mentioned this to my mother and she said she would prefer the one closer. I told her I cant rule out the other one, because it's something we can afford. She said she would talk to my father, but since hasnt mentioned anything. Just thinking about it gets me upset......

SReidy Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:12 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

I'm sorry it's not working out for you. Maybe you should have your FH ask his parents if they plan on contributing anything and if so could they give you a ballpark figure and then after you get that information you could maybe offer it to your parents and they could decide?

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:15 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

We are paying all by ourselves..

Maybe they can't help you out and you shouldn't even try to count on 'their' $$
Do it yourself!

divabride Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:29 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Its not that Im counting on their money, but like Mr hostility said, we are trying to figure out a budget. If they cant give, then at least I know it's up to FH and I. But if they can give, its the difference between one catering hall and another.
SReidy - FH parent's are divorced. They divorced a couple of months before FSIL's wedding. When we announced our engagement, FMIL immediately said 'I paid for soandso's wedding. So how much does your dad plan on giving you?' Basically saying she paid for one wedding, he should pay for the other. Meanwhile, FFIL just spent over $600K buying a house in Florida and hasnt even sold the house up here. I know he doesnt have any money to give us, so Im hesitant to ask. FH said we shouldnt even bother asking him, because FFIL is all ready borrowing money from family members to cover the cost of the new Florida house.

Jordan Posted: Feb 23, 2004 03:36 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

I would just plan to pay for your wedding yourself...any money that is given to you is bonus. IMO.

brideinapril Posted: Feb 23, 2004 04:23 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Posted by Jordan

I would just plan to pay for your wedding yourself...any money that is given to you is bonus. IMO.

I agree 100% with this.

LadyPrincess Posted: Feb 23, 2004 04:39 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Congrat to you both
Sit with FH & decide on a budget
Try to find places/contract that will let you
pay over time.

My Cerm&recp is at one location -
Ariana Waterfall & we can pay monthly
until wedding

Its ok to ask family to help - isnt that's
what family is for????

LadyPrincess
3.5.5

SteffieSunshine1 Posted: Feb 23, 2004 04:41 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

I feel for you. I can imagine that to be a tough subject to bring up.

My FH and I are paying ourselves, so I don't think I can really offer any good advice. Sorry. Good Luck!

divabride Posted: Mar 10, 2004 02:21 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

bump

dgtlsunshine Posted: Mar 10, 2004 02:24 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

For me we decided not to ask for money b/c honestly I figured who ever wanted to give would offer. The money our parents did pay toward our wedding is what they offered.

I would suggest asking them how much they wish to offer as oppose to going to them with a budget and everything.

Then again I have heard people say they showed their parents the budget and then the parents offered to fill in for certain things.

I think go in with what you think fits their personalities.

I wish you all the best.

littlewilson Posted: Mar 10, 2004 02:41 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

Posted by dgtlsunshine

For me we decided not to ask for money b/c honestly I figured who ever wanted to give would offer.

I fully agree with this. I hate to say it, but I can't imagine why your parents would not already have discussed money/budget with you, especially if they intend to help out.

However, I definitely think it's appropriate for you to say something like 'FH and I are trying to finalize our wedding budget. We don't have any contributions from parents figured in, and I just want to make sure that's accurate.'

I know it's awkward, and I'm sorry your folks didn't bring it up explicitly with you soon after the engagement.

halloweenbride04 Posted: Mar 10, 2004 02:48 PM

Re: Nervous about asking for money.

We figured our budget as if we were paying for 100% of the wedding ourselves. We did not feel comfortable asking either set of parents to contribute financially. We did not want to make anyone feel obligated or uncomfortable. Over the last 7 months though, everyone has pitched in one way or another which is great, now we have more of our own $$ to work with.