I need some advice. I have a few professional degrees and have been published and working for several years. I would like to keep my own name professionally where I am Dr. XXXX. At home and socially people can call me Mrs. FH's name. My FH is quite upset by this because he thinks that when we have kids there will be a presumption that they are not mine and he wants us to all have the same name. I told him I want to keep my name professionally and it would be a really big hassle to change my name. He said that he knows people who were Dr.'s who changed their name and since I only practice under one of my degrees it would not be a big deal to change it.
michele31
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Re: Not Changing Name
I am also not changing my name- legally or socially. I think a women has every right to keep her name. My fiance was never upset over this but I did ask him, very seriously, to consider changing his last name to mine. After a few minutes he said there is no way he could that. So I said, 'Then how can you ask me to'. He totally understood and it has not been brought up since. When I have children I am not going to beat the teacher for calling me Mrs. FH's name. I mean come on. Using children as an excuse is silly. I have built a name for myself and changing it would be very difficult. I can image a Dr. title would be even harder to change. I mean, you are willing to change your name socially so who cares what is on your tax form? I think you need to tell him how you feel and hope that he can respect your decision. My fiance respects my decision and that is very important to me.
abc7077
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Name change
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July3Bride
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Re: Not Changing Name
I also wanted to keep my name, but ended up going the hyphenation route. But that's a whole different story...
As far as your children are concerned, nowadays there are so many different combinations of families, that people won't neccessarily presume your children aren't yours because you have different last names. My fiance is a teacher and he never assumes one way or the other when there are different names because you never know. Besides those that know you and love you know your kids are yours!
abc7077
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Re: Not Changing Name-
Thanks!
oneday
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Re: Not Changing Name
well put, July3Bride How was the shower by the way? You didn't get stuck in hours of traffic like your sister did for hers, did you? Hope it was fun!
jlabs
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Re: Not Changing Name
I am a starting my 2nd years as a Ph.D. student and will be published before before we get married. I have spent numerous hours deliberating over this. My FH was not upset when I told him I was not going to change my name professionally, but I saw it in the look in his eyes. Then I was going to hypenate but decided that I know too many people that have just dropped their names later on so I decided to make life easy on myself and use his name and make my last name my middle name (since I do not have one anyway). It is a tough decision. One of my friends that has recently got married already had her Ph.D. and she did not change her name. I am in a feild of research and I think it would be confusioning if you are already established by one last name, all of a sudden switch last names. Most people when reading papers do not even realize if the person is male or female and probably would never make the connection that the 2 last names are actually the same person. Best of luck.
jlf41
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Re: Not Changing Name
A good friend of mine had the same issue with her husband. After much deliberation and anxiety she decided to change her name. 3 years into their marriage, we were having dinner and talking about how I am not changing my name. My friend's husband, after much introspection, admitted he was stuck on the name thing mostly because he felt like he wanted to be in control of something regarding their wedding. That was one issue he could put his foot down on, as they say. I guess my point is, before you change your name, be sure you get down to all of the possible issues involved for both of you.
chmlengr
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Re: Not Changing Name
I also considered not changing my name professionally, but doing it socially. Although I am not a Dr., I have several degrees and publications, like you, in addition to my state license and registration to practice engineering. However, I decided to go the whole route and change everything. I am in the midst of it all as I was married about 3-1/2 weeks ago. Surprisingly, it has been relatively easy. NY state will issue my license and registration to me in my married name, and I made it easier for people to see I am still the same person.... What I did was drop my middle name and use my maiden name as my middle name. There is no hyphenation at all. So I am now Trish 'Maiden Name' 'Married Last Name'. It has worked well so far, but like I said, I just started the process. Maybe this is something you'd consider? If not, I agree that your plan of action is perfectly acceptable and you can do as you want.... Good Luck.
