Not EXACTLY wedding related but a BM issue...

This isn't exactly wedding related per se, but I need some feedback here, so I thought I'd post on this board. I just got off the phone with one of my bridesmaids and we got into this whole discussion about how she didn't think that my FH handled my getting sick well and she was concerned about it. (Background: I was hospitalized for a week the first week of February with encephalitis.)

My FH is in VA working on his masters in an intensive 1 year program and its not easy for him to come to NY to see me (both work and expense). The second I was sick he wanted to be here, but I told him not to come until we knew what we were dealing with (the first few days in the hospital I had very mixed test results and we didn't know what the problem was for a few days).

I was released from the hospital on Wednesday the 4th and my FH was here the next day. He came then as opposed to earlier because I knew the time off from school would be tough on him, and I wanted him here when I got home from the hospital so my parents could have a break from taking care of me. He wanted to come up immediately, but both my mother and I told him to wait, so although he didn't like it he respected our wishes and came to NY when I got release from the hospital.

Here we are, a few weeks later, and this friend of mine says that she and several other of my BMs think that my FH handled the situation badly and should have been on a plane the minute I was in the hospital. She also thought it was crappy that he wasn't here with me for valentines day.

We went rounds on this, finally agreeing to disagree. But now I'm sitting here with the feeling that my closest friends are not happy with my FH. I know the only opinion that matters is mine, and only the 2 people in a relationship know what really goes on. I guess this is more of a vent. I tried as hard as I could but could not get this BM to come around and see the situation from a different perspective.

I've had jitters in the past - not about marrying my FH but more so about being married and the pressure that entails. I know she is partially responding to that, wanting to make sure that I am marrying the right person, but I just feel that it was so unfair to tell me she has doubts about my FH while I'm still sick.

I guess this is more of a vent, but if anyone has something reassuring to say I'd really love to hear it.

The only people who truly understand your relationship is YOU and FH ... while your BM felt comfortable viewing her concerns, and you should appreciate her honesty, she (they) should understand how you felt the situation was handled.
The only thing you can do is tell her that (which you did) and hopes she understands you.
I'm sorry your getting such a hard time for your mutual decision with FH, especially during this time.

First just want to say Hugs for the hospital I was just in the hospital and it is a HORRIBLE experience!

Now I will tell you - that I don't think YOU did anything wrong - you all did what YOU felt worked the best - HOW DARE your friends NOT support your decision and place blame on your FH. It was I'm sure a difficult decision that you all had to make and your friends should support that decision.

I would tell them that if they were true friends that they would RESPECT the decision you all made and be happy you are home and being well taken care of

I agree! I think the only ones who know what goes on in your relationship are you and your FH and I think that your opinions are the only ones that matter. Don't let them get to you. It sounds to me to be a very reasonable explanation for why he came when he did, and not before, and you are the only one who needs to understand that! Just don't let anyone get to you! You BM's should be there to support you more than anyone right now, and I am sure they are just looking out for you. But like we've all said...you and your FH are the only ones who know what is going on in YOUR relationship! Take Care and hope you are feeling better!

Your friends were looking out for you but they will never know what truly goes on so like you said, agree to disagree. YOU know whats best for you and him and only you!
P.s. Are you feeling better?

I have to applaud you for putting his needs before yours. Call me selfish, but I would have had a hard time going through that without my FH, but maybe I'm just needy. As far as him not coming for V-day, that's just a joke. Cercumstances didn't allow it, and I don't think that's a very big deal. On the bright side of things, it sounds like even if you disagree with your friends, they do have your best interests at heart. They're just trying to look out for you and I'm sure the way you handled things put their minds at ease, and that may have been all they were looking for. To make sure that you were ok with everything, and it sounds like you are.
I hope you're feeling MUCH better!!!

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Posted by NYCMeghan

...and this friend of mine says that she and several other of my BMs think that my FH handled the situation badly and should have been on a plane the minute I was in the hospital. .

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If she and some of your other BMs were so concerned why didn't they rally by your bedside??

First of all, I hope you are feeling better!

Secondly, you are under a lot of stress right now, with the wedding coming up, FH being away, and you being sick. When I find that I'm stressed, it's easy to second-guess everything, maybe because you're not thinking clearly. If you told FH to not come up right away, and he listened to you, there is no reason to be concerned. Plus your mother agreed with you. I feel it's difficult to make comments about this situation unless you've been in it yourself, so don't worry about what your BMs have to say about your FH.

First I hope you are feeling better!

I think you and FH handled it in a way that worked for you two and that's all that matters.
You said he's in a very intensive program, honestly it is better for him to be there that just spending the day at your bedside. You did have your family so you weren't alone. As one poster said - where were your friends if they were so concerned?

As for Valentine's Day, it's a day made by Hallmark, you know your FH loves you, does it make it more special because he has to say it on 2/14?

Just had a thought - is your friend single? Maybe some of her reactions are coming from a different place too....