Not toxic...but a friendship that just ended?

The toxic friend posts had me thinking a lot...There has been a girl i was so close with since 9th grade....we lost touch a while back due to me. She didn't do anything specific...but it was a situation where we were just on completely diff. wavelengths. Example...my parents were divorcing and it was very hard for me...one night she called me, i had been crying...and she proceeded to say 'oh i'm sorry....but anyway listen to what mike did..' and talked about her boyfriend until I had to hang up.

Has anyone had a friend like this? I don't think she ever meant to be 'mean' or unthoughtful, I just came to realize our views and priorities and even circle of friends wound up being completely different. She will still call me to ask how i am and she sends emails wanting to 'catch up'. With my wedding coming up, its just hard. I remember the person she was and we had so many good times...but the person she became just baffles me. We go from not speaking to talking once every 6 months and catching up...

Does anyone else put themselves through this? I sometimes wonder why I do. I guess I just wonder why MY friendship still means something to her...its a tie that I just can't sever, I guess I am too sensitive and I never want to hurt anyone. I guess this would be considered a toxic friendship, i don't know...and she asks about the wedding when we do speak, i didn't plan to send an invite but I just don't know. Am i crazy for feeling sad?

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Posted by Irishbride

I have a friend like this. I love her to pices but sometimes its all about her. So I backed off a little & I think she got the hint. So now we seem to be kinda ok again.

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You hit the nail on the head..it has been all about her for a while...she will ask how i am and says she misses me and talking...but i realized in late HS that she missed me LISTENING and offering advice and i never felt she cared too much what i was going through. It hurt a lot...and now that i'm over that and great things are happening for me, she will call and cry again about the latest guy who is using her. I just dont' know how to tell her i can't handle it.

yes! we didnt talk for about a year b/c i stopped calling her - and she got the hint.

then, her MOH called me to see if i would go to the bach party.
since i am not one to 'not talk' to someone, i went and had a nice time. its been a year and i am happy that i rekindled my friendship with her.
now she lives far away and our chats are brief but nice.
me backing off was the best thing b.c now we have an even balance.