I have a few friends who are teachers... but most are secondary ed and I need some advise from elementary ed teachers on a couple of things.
My 5 year old has recently become VERY selective about his friends and the people he WILL and WILL NOT play with. I have a few parents who keep calling me for play dates, but Robbie simply wants nothing to do with their kids. He has no problems with me having play dates with other kids... but a few he simply does not want to come over and he doesn't want to go to their homes either!
I don't want to force him to play with kids that he doesn't like. But when I ask him what he doesn't like about 'Nicholas' or 'Jeff' he just says that they aren't 'cool'. MY KID IS IN KINDERGARTEN! I didn't even know there was such a thing as COOL in kindergarten! It is hard for me to have a conversation about why he shouldn't be cold to these boys when I can't even get a handle on WHY he doesn't like them!
So I don't know how to handle this... do I force him to have a play date with kids that he doesn't want to be around? I have always let him make decisions and have allowed him to experience the consequences... but I feel AWFUL for the kids that he is excluding.
So... I ask my teacher friends out there. Do you see this type of peer isolation often and at young ages? Is there usually a REASON that the kids are 'uncool'? Would it be wise to make my child have play dates with these kids?
Man... I hate school already. Kids are vicious. I never thought MY kid would be a meanie.
libby2595
Posted:
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Re: NWR: Early Childhood Educators
first of all, i don't think your son is one of the 'meanies' that we remember from when we were kids.
'cool' for a five-year-old, is a different 'cool' from junior/sr high school.
i used to work with preschoolers, and even at that age, they do have cliques (sp). my two cents... as long as your kid isn't mistreating the other kids, i wouldn't force friends on him. but i would have an age-appropriate conversation on perception.
remember that there was a woman not too long ago who was willing to judge your son and 'his mommy' based entirely on his haircut.
from one mommy to another, hth
rojerono
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Re: NWR: Early Childhood Educators
I have had a MILLION talks with him about friends and about giving everyone a chance. He is 5 though... and I only seem to get so far.
I asked him how he would feel if someone refused to play with him because they didn't think he was cool enough. He doesn't seem to care.
The thing is.. I don't know where to focus. Is it the hair on the other kid? The sneakers? I don't even have a CLUE! And I hesitate to laser in on anything in particular because I don't want to give him any ideas that something is 'off'. For example 'So... why is Nicholas not cool... does he pick his nose??' I can imagine Robbie saying... 'That's not the reason, but as a matter of FACT...' ding ding ding! One more reason to exclude the kid.
The other mom's do NOT help. Robbie has become very close with a particular group of boys and one mom actually told me 'Yeah James won't play with 'Nicholas' either. He said he is a real loser.' It didn't bother her at ALL!! In fact .. NONE of them seem too concerned that our kids are ostracizing a couple of kids in the class!
Maybe it shouldn't bother me either. But it does. I don't want my kid to contribute to some kid's self esteem issues. And I do NOT want to be raising a self righteous little snob.
LBride
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Re: NWR: Early Childhood Educators
with my first graders, I tell them that they indeed do not have to be friends with everyone or anyone but they do have to respect, tolerate, and work cooperatively with their peers. If you really want to push him to interact with this other child you can see what extra curricula acitivities he is involved in and join it. Maybe as a group activity it will seem less threatening and he might realize that he has a common interest with the child. To be honest, I don't feel as if it has anythin to do with this other boy and how he acts but rather an opinion that has been formed maybe by some of your son's friends and obvisouly their parents (which is kinda of sick that the parent was calling a 5 yr old a loser). I know my first graders already know who's in and who's out, and they def do not want to be on the out, but all of a sudden an out kid will do something or bring in a better birthday snack than the in kid and everything changes... Kinda like beverly hills 90210, only theyre a lot shorter...
rojerono
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Re: NWR: Early Childhood Educators
Posted by LBride Kinda like beverly hills 90210, only theyre a lot shorter...
Maybe I am stressing too much. I guess I didn't realize that there were already cliques in friggin' ELEMENTARY school! It all seems so absurd!
I wanted to clarify that the mother did not call the kid a 'loser', she actually said that her SON called him a loser. BUT she did mention that one of the boys in question lives in an apartment and that she didn't want her kid to have to play at a complex... so it may be partly the parents who are to blame..
ML110
Posted:
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Re: NWR: Early Childhood Educators
i'm a speech teach at an elementary school. and i can tell you that i do see a lot of cliquy-ness going on even with the younger kids... its sad! after hearing the opinion of the other mother and the other boy that your son is friends with, it souds like it might just be your son repeating what hes hearing the other little boy say about ' nicholas'. your son probably doesn't even realize what hes saying- hes probably just repeating what he hears his other friend say. it sounds like THAT little boy is the one your son shouldn't be playing with... i would just keep talking to your son about finding the good things in everybody and accepting everybody.
