Hey girlies. I'm not usually one to air dirty laundry, so I decided to put this under a fake name. If you figure out who I am, please don't post my real name.
I have been very stressed out and busy lately. Yesterday I was studying for hours. I finally finished and tried to spend some time with FH. He ignored me the whole time, so I got mad and went into the bedroom by myself to read. After about an hour, FH comes in all pissed off about how I'm acting like a 'b-iatch.' He proceeds to go Mr. Hyde on me and starts calling me names and cursing at me. He then tells me that I should apologize. I ignored him the whole time, and when he wouldn't let it drop, I slept on the couch. He doesn't do it often, but this isn't the first time he's cursed at me.
I'm obviously upset by this. My question is, how upset should I be? What should my next move be? I am so confused. Thank you for letting me get it off my chest.
AngnShaun
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
in my experience with heated fights like that, it is best to let both sides calm down... and then talking about it, you may still be upset but.... if i were you i would think think about what you want to say and its better that way so you will say what you actually mean to say
i understand why you wouldnt want to apologize....from what you said, he ignored you, you were insulted, its a totally natural reaction and not necessary to apologize for...
this is really the first time he's every cursed at you?
JustforNow
Posted:
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Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
Thank you for the advice. No. It isn't the first time he has cursed at me. But, my parents had a really bad relationships. My father always cursed and put down my mother. I always said that I would never allow that in my relationship. So, this is throwing me for a loop. Just wondering how much is okay to put up with, and when it is time to say enough.
StaceyWill
Posted:
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Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
I think you should talk to him about it right away. Ask him what the heck happened and why he was being like that. IMO, communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Hope everything works out. HTH
AdriandSteve
Posted:
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Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
I think it would be good for you to talk to Fh about how you were feeling yesterday. Don't start off by saying, 'You were ignoring me.' Start off by telling him how you have been feeling lately and you were looking to spend on quality time with him yesterday for a little. As for the cursing part just say how it made you feel. See what his response is and go from there.
halfbaked
Posted:
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Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
OK, FH overreacted. But TBH, you were doing what I like to call 'typical girl behavior'. I do it all the time, too, but whenever I catch myself in the middle of a TGB, I try to stop immediately. You can't get mad at someone and expect them to respond properly without letting them know you are mad and why. 'Well he should know why.' isn't a reason.
Talk to him about it now that you both have calmed down. Tell him why you were upset and why you acted that way. Also let him know that his behavior was unacceptable. I think you both should apologize to each other though!
AngnShaun
Posted:
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Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
i understand that..
did your mother ever defend herself... or yell back at him or insult him back... it works for me... I wish a i had the ability to tell you where you can draw that line... but i think you should definitely explain to him that this is something that you wont deal with ever again, and explain why!
blessed18
Posted:
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Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
i think that if you are not ready to talk then dont push it. especially if he got that upset with you then maybe he is not ready. wait a couple of days if possible then set a time to talk no distractions, express your feelings not only about the fight but also about how you feel about the way he is expressing himself. no matter how bad an argument gets btw a couple there should always be some sort of respect. that is the part that needs to fixed bc its concerning for the future you might have. nip it now, ask him what gets him to that extreme and see if its something in your part that you can change. good luck.
Mrs Z To Be
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR - Feeling Depressed
Talk to him and tell him that if he doesn't start treating you the way YOU want and need to be treated, (i.e.- not taking his crap out on you, cussing at you etc.)you will leave. But be firm. FH is a REAL great guy, but when he is stressed at work he takes it out on me..... I used to get really upset, but never say anything.
Finally, I unleashed and flipped out. Needless to say, he is very aware of this behavior now, and he has really worked on it. Give it a shot. Good luck!
