NWR.. I am so sad

I took my 13 year old cat to the vet b/c she had been vomiting a lot and being a past cat owner, I thought it could be a sign of kidney failure.

Well, low and behold, I take Dazey to the vet and the vet tells me that she thinks she has a tumor in her stomach and she can only feel one kidney.

After doing 2 x-rays, the vet was confused b/c she could not see her other kidney b/c there is a large mass, either blocking it, or she said it could be her kidney (the one she couldn't feel before).

They did blood work and I will not get the results until Thursday or Friday. I am so sad. My animals are like my children. My last cat lived 17 years. I have been crying all night. I feel terrible.

The vet says she would not advise operating if it is a tumor b/c there is too much involved and with her age. She also said, if it is a tumor, they can try cortizone tablets b/c sometimes they act like chemo. Then she said we can give her painkillers too, if need be. Oh, she also said that if it is a tumor, it is wrapped around her digestive system which eventually means she will not be able to go to the bathroom which will cause toxins to be in her body. The vet really can't say anythign further b/c she is baffled right now whether it is a tumor or her kidney enlarging.

I feel so so so horrible. I don't want to see her suffer and I don't want to be selfish. BUT, all in all, aside from her vomiting, her personality and the way she is acting is normal. My mom did not think anything was wrong with her b/c she is acting so normal. I just knew it though. I can't explain that feeling, that I just knew something was wrong. Most people at my job do not have animals so totally can't relate.

I just need some support right now and I know you girls are good for that.

Thanks..